Post # 1
What do you consider family? If you and your DH or fiance brealk up, how often would they really see you? Would they choose his side over yours if he wasn’t right?
Also, do you refer to in-laws as “our family” to DH or “your family”?
Post # 2
Blood is not always thicker than water, in my opinion. I don’t talk to my mom’s side of the family (her included), but I’m very close to DH’s dad’s side. I always refer to them as “our” family. If anything were to happen, I know we would still be close.
Post # 3
I believe when you get married you become one. Myself and my Fiance will be our own family and then my sisters, brothers, his sisters, brothers etc are all our extended family, which includes parents.
In a break up .. things change. They are no longer legally your family. Unless you have kids, that would be the exception. So as to how often I’d see them really depends on whether we have kids or not, if we do then I would if we don’t then I wouldn’t.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
To me it’s “our family”. As for closeness after a breakup, I’ve seen people stop relating to their own children after a breakup.
Post # 5
When my ex husband and I divorced after 10 years, his parents said to me “we don’t agree with him leaving you, and you and (daughter) will always be part of our family”. 8 years later, I am remarried with another daughter with my new DH. My ex Mother-In-Law always sends BOTH my girls presents for Christmas. When exFIL died my ex-BIL called me and asked me to come to the funeral. When we go to that part of the country to visit, my new DH and I stay with them. They truly view me as family and they will always be my family.
Post # 6
Currently I consider DBF’s family as a second family in practice, but not officially, as we’re not married. His family has treated me like I belonged there from the time I met his mom onward. They seem to see me as family, and if we broke up, I know that his mom and a close family friend who sees DBF as a nephew would still keep in touch with me.
This really varies, though. DBF is much more distant from my family, and he has mentioned that he’ll try to avoid them even after marriage, which I don’t mind.
Post # 7
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
I am still close with my ex boyfriend’s parents. I call them my ‘pretend parents’ and they came to our wedding, met my DH the same time my actual parents did. I also have friends who spend/spent every Christmas with us. Family is what you make of it.
Post # 8
I believe that marriage creates a much bigger family that you both share. PacificMrs hit the nail on the head when she said blood is not always thicker than water. I am much closer with my new family members. We see each other at more than just weddings and funerals. We call each other without needing a specific reason. I don’t do that with my “blood family” with the exception of my parents and brother. Besides, I have the same last name of my husband’s family.
Post # 9
So if you’re visiting in laws you say to someone “our family is having a dinner party today” instead of “his side of family is having a dinner party today” am I correct?
if I were married, the “your side” “my side” bother me a bit as if separating us but would be understandable and logical.
Post # 10
I consider my in-laws to be my family. But I wouldn’t be too sure about them staying that way after a break-up. I was with my ex husband for ten years, I was closer to his family than to my own and his parents were basically my parents for that time. All that said, when we split I never saw any of them for dust. We had a ‘no fault’ break-up and remained amicable ourselves, but at the end of the day blood really is thicker than water. Sad as it is, I also don’t think it would be appropriate in my current marriage to have my ex in laws still being part of my life. You have to move on, and unless there are kids involved obviously, I think it’s probably best to leave these things in the past sometimes.
Post # 11
both of my inlaws have passed away, but I have 3 brother in laws, I view them as family and they treat me as such.
Post # 12
I guess I would consider them family in a way (I have spent time with them when DH hasn’t been there) but I will always be closer to my family. If I’m talking about family to others then I will refer to them as “his” and “my” family so as to avoid any confusion.
Edit: to me “our family” is the one that currently consists of DH, me and our guinea pigs!
Post # 13
Not at all. Unfortunately, the in-laws (MIL, SIL and Brother-In-Law and their families) are barely my husband’s family, after decades of bologna and narcissism.
A few years ago my husband said to me “You don’t know what it’s like to have a brother and a sister!,” in a really snarky tone of voice (I’m an only child). Last year he apologized for saying that; last summer there were mulitple lies in person, and slander on social media, from the SIL’s and BIL’s spouses. It’s gotten so bad that when I suggested we lend them our beach house, when they’re making a trip to the area next summer, he threw a fit about them not being allowed in our home.
Luckily none of them live locally and he may only see them every couple of years. My family, our children/their spouses and our future grandchildren are our family.
Post # 14
I agree with you. It’s sad but it’s how it is. I know for a fact his family would never see me and him on the same level which is understandable. there are far few exceptions when blood isn’t thicker than water.
Post # 15
I’d say they’re our family. Future Mother-In-Law summed it up a few months ago when she said the nice thing about me and Future Sister-In-Law is that we are actuLly like sisters and I’m the sister that Future Sister-In-Law never had, not just “oh you’re my brither’s girlfriend”. I think I’m closer to FI’s family than he is to mine but that’s because we see them more And I have more in common with them than my immediate family.