(Closed) Are most people just crappy people or what?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Singvoice:  I think most people aren’t bad or mean, just careless. We all have busy lives and sometimes forget about other people. 

Post # 4
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I don’t think people are crappy in general but we all are inherently selfish, people just put that aside for people they care about. For example, based on your post you’re being selfish about your wedding and your expectations of your friends. And that’s ok. We all are selfish sometimes.

you give multiple examples which are different and happen for different reasons. Men and women both cheat, usually it’s because they’re not happy in their relationship and they are either looking for an out or genuinely think they will be happier with the person they have an affair with. Occasionally people just suck and cheat for the sake of cheating.

regarding your friends doing crappy things, it’s hard to know without more details but my guess is that you have unrealistic expectations about how important your wedding is to your friends. Your wedding is your wedding, and yes, its very important to you. But it’s not very important to anyone else. They’ll be your bridesmaids and be happy for you and support you, but they have their own lives and their own things to do. They’re not going to set everything aside to be there at your beck and call for every wedding related appointment. It’s just the way it is.

Post # 5
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think it depends on what these people have done/are doing that you consider to be awful. 

Post # 6
Member
472 posts
Helper bee

Oh people are assholes.  I had a friend totally bail on me for something that was really important and I invested a lot of time and money in (we were partners in a business).  Randomly she decided she didn’t want to do it… I’m 3,000 in the hole and she just “doesn’t feel like doing it anymore” she thought it was going to be really easy and it actually requires a little work.  she is very wealthy so it doesn’t matter to her but I live paycheck to paycheck so I was kind of like… Well, what do I do now?  i think she has no idea how it has impacted me. She goes on with her everyday life and it doesn’t phase her at all.  I think people are really really selfish!  just something I’ve noticed is that a lot of my more privileged friends tend to do these types of things :/ 

Post # 7
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

I think that in general, people are good.

Though I will add that people often treat us [poorly] the way we allow them to treat us. I too am guilty of this at times, maybe you should say something to your friends?

Post # 8
Member
472 posts
Helper bee

lindsey2015:  I just want to add that I know in not perfect and I have selfish moments too… But some people are truly on another level 

Post # 11
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Singvoice:  You are probably like me, we put up with a lot, don’t complain when we feel put-upon or neglected. So friends keep pushing it, they think we will put up with anything. So they cross that line eventually.

I too feel really hurt by one very long-term friend, but she has so many friends and family, that I don’t bother saying anything. I just see her on my own terms.

Post # 14
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

Singvoice:  I think most people are extremely self-absorbed (myself included). Each person’s own personal pursuit of happiness will always come first to them. However, people also feel social pressure to do certain things (attend weddings, send thank you cards, be good friends, be loyal spouses). It’s like a constant battle between doing what we really WANT, doing what we think is RIGHT, and doing what other people EXPECT.

The other problem is that most people know in a vague way that they want “to be happy” but they don’t know what will actually make them happy. They think happiness lies outside themselves rather than inside themselves. So maybe a guy who is depressed about getting older, doesn’t get much sex from his wife, hasn’t risen in the business world the way he thought he would, will meet a girl in her 20s and have an affair. He thinks she’s the answer to make him feel young, desired, successful, but instead his marriage ends up imploding and she moves on to someone else. 

When you add in people who have zero moral code, people dealing with jealousy, anger, lack of personal fullfillment, or just straight up confusion feelings will get hurt a lot. Back in the day people lived in small communities and rarely travelled (or moved). People were also way more reliant on each other. Maybe your next door neighbor “Mary” said something bitchy to you about your bonnet style, but if her husband was the village’s only decent carpenter you’d probably make up and try to stay on good terms. People don’t need each other like that anymore so relationships are more disposable. 

That’s my theory, anyway. My way of coping is to give as freely as I always have but expect nothing in return.  

Post # 15
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Singvoice:  it sounds like you need to stand up for yourself.

As well as the person whose friend screwed them out of a business deal. She goes about her daily life without it phasing her, because she doesn’t know or understand. It’s your job to make her understand. Explain that you are hurt and her change of heart affected you this way. I’m sure she would feel terrible and apologize for the misunderstanding.

That – and always – sign business contracts. I went into business with a friend, it was not successful, I lost $10,000+, but we signed a contract and are still friends because of it. 

 

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