(Closed) Are my friend and boyfriend being inappropriate?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@embarrassed99:  I think you need to ease up on your boyfriend. Guys hate having to constantly reasure their gfs because they are worried about other girls. If its been 4 years and he has never been unfaithful and you two are happy then you need to get him leaving out of your head. Its not attrative to be so increadibly self conscious and he might get tired of you assuming he’s going to do something so horrible.

Post # 19
Member
4654 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@MrsTVLover:  Yeah, I’m kinda with you on this one… and that’s coming from someone who’s always like “let ’em get lap dances.” Something like this is basically how someone in my family ended up cheating on their spouse undetected for a long time, so maybe I just have a hair trigger about it… 

Post # 20
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I am sure she really thinks you are pretty.

Tall and blonde doesnt exactly make someone pretty.

My hubby says he fell in love with my crazy red curls, which because of my job I now have to straighten. (my guess is that the new look is more traditionally pretty).

But DH comments on those old curls ALL THE TIME. And he used to date (a lot, urgh) of tall, blonde dancers…. but he picked me…. a short-ish  red headed curly dancer!

I am going to ad to my list of things to look for 1. they hang out alone 2. you find out they are talking about your relationship 3. he starts talking about her A LOT (doesnt count if you are talking about her and he just responds 4. all of a suddenhe doesnt want to hang out in a group estting with her anymore

Granted these are all things to look for when they have already cheated or are close… but from your post, it doesnt sound like you have to worry about that.

Post # 21
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@embarrassed99:  My Fiance has a drop-dead-gorgeous friend. She even was a Miss “State” and maybe even Miss America. He was friends with her before we met. On FB, she used to leave comments on his pictures like “love” or “love this” and it bothered me enough to mention it to Fiance. He did brush it off as that is her personality and to think nothing more of it because they are just friends. (side note: she is newly married)

Although it is difficult to not be insecure, as this woman is beautiful, I have to believe my Fiance.  If your FI says they are just friends, she is not his type, you’re more attractive, etc. and he is a trustworthy man, believe him. It is so easy to let our thoughts wander and our imagination to get the best of us. Be confident in who you are and your man and your relationship will be better because of it.

Also, just wanted to say, it’s ok to have these feelings. It’s good to talk about it here on the Bee, get support and clear your mind. 🙂

Post # 24
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@embarrassed99:  Several things:

1.  If he wants you to hang out with her, that’s a good thing.  He doesn’t want her around if she’s a temptation.

2.  You’re having an open dialogue and he’s telling you things.  If he has something to hide, he will.

3.  He’s told you that it’s your own insecurities and you agree.  You need to BACK OFF before this turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy…

Post # 25
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

she has some scar/mark on her leg from some surgery she got and she was telling him how she’s always afraid to wear short skirts because of it

View original reply
@embarrassed99:  Um, I have a few scars on my legs from when I used to volunteer at a wolf sanctuary.  I don’t go around asking other women’s SOs if I should be wearing short skirts.  Going to a guy who’s in a relationship for personal reassurance about your appearance is out of line, and I would end the friendship if a friend did that with my husband.

Post # 27
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I don’t see anything wrong with this and he is going out of his way to make you feel comfortable by not hanging out with her one on one. I think you’re reading too far into this.

Post # 28
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It sounds like she drunkenly overshared during a convo she had with your BF in a group setting. You are really not giving your boyfriend enough credit. It seems like he had little control over this conversation and shared it with you even though he didn’t have to. 

I think it is way crossing the line to ask him to delete her number and not talk to her.  I think this is obviously a situation where you are insecure (would you feel like this if she wasn’t that attractive?) and being overly anxious about the situation.  As a PP has said, you are just going to drive him away if you don’t learn to keep your anxiety better in check.

Post # 29
Member
1176 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This sounds like it is more about you than about her. It’s a huge leap from “my new friend had a conversation with my boyfriend which neither of them tried to conceal” to “he’s going to leave me for her and I’ll have wasted 4 years.”

Post # 30
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

she sounds a little insecure/ weird to be talking to your SO like that and also saying she wished she looked like you? that’s a little weird if you ask me. It’s also weird that you SO feels like he constantly needs to point out that he’s not into blonds.

there are a couple things going on here. It is entirely possible that he is attracted to her, but you know what? he’s human and he obviously doesn’t want anything to happen which is why you’re always around when they hang out. Fact is: there will be lots of people both of you are attracted to over the next 50+ years of your possible life together.

There is a girl that SO and I have become friends with in the last year. She stayed over our place one day after we hosted a party. I had to go to work the next day and she stayed and hung out with SO. In my head, I had a 1% concern about it, but I trust him. Honestly, I’d rather him cheat on me now, then 10 years down the road when we have kids. there will ALWAYS be temptations and we can’t always prevent cheating from happening if it’s gonna happen.

You just need to trust him…..really you do

Post # 31
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@embarrassed99:  talking about a scar and being afraid to wear shorts is NOT inappropriate. If he took that as an invitation to tell her that her legs are hot and she should always wear mini skirts WOULD be inappropriate.

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