(Closed) Are my requests normal/should I feel guilty?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

Personally, I don’t think that’s what bridesmaids are for. They need to get ready with you and be supporting you and enjoying mimosas, not assembling your decor. Do you have any relatives who would be able to take that on?

Post # 3
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Nope. Don’t ask them. Tell them and the groomsmen that you and your fiance have to do the decorating, and they will probably offer to help. When we told our friends we had to decorate our venue ourselves, most of them wanted to lend a hand.

Post # 4
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I definitely think it’s inappropriate for you to ask your bridesmaids to decorate. Especially since they’re already warning you that they don’t want a bunch of extra duties. You don’t want to do it, why should they? It isn’t their wedding. Sorry, this is the kind of thing you need to pay for if you want it done. The alternative would be if you have any friends or family who enjoy doing that kind of thing. But even then they should want to, it shouldn’t be a request. 

Post # 5
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

Completely inappropriate, and passive-aggressively trying to get them to do it (as a previous poster suggested) is just as bad, if not worse. Ask other family members or just pay someone.

Post # 6
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I don’t think it’s too much to ask at all as long as you’re with them and also doing the decorating. If you just pawn it off on them while you relax, that’s no bueno. As a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I woke up 2 hours early to help a bride decorate her venue the morning of her wedding and didn’t have a second thought about it. I would do as much as you can the night before if possible but up to an hour of your girls’ time the morning of your wedding is not a big deal. However, if you don’t want to do it with them, you need to find others that are willing to help out.

Post # 7
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I’m going to disagree with PPs to an extent – if YOU will be decorating, I think it’s totally fine to ask for their help. It’s no different from BMs helping the bride assemble invitations or arrange flowers, which I see all the time.

Don’t ask them to do it if you won’t be taking part, though. At that point, you should ask family or pay someone. 

Post # 8
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I had my BMs help me decorate but they offered to help.

I think since they have already mentioned about being over doing things like that, it’d be best not to ask them. Ask relatives to help you out! Or as one PP mentioned, tell them that you and Fiance are going to decorate and maybe a few of them will offer. 

Post # 9
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I personally didn’t ask my bridesmaids to help me with anything, only because I’d had a bad experience as a bridesmaid with a very overbearing bride who had sooooo many expectations of me and didn’t seem to appreciate what I did for her. It was kinda rough. But that was my choice.

I think it would be different if the bridesmaids offer to help, but it shouldn’t be expected.

Post # 10
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
Xu:  I believe you were referring to my post. When my friends asked how planning was, we told them our plan for the day, not expecting them to offer to spend their mornings with us at our venue. We were pleasantly surprised by their generosity. I would assume anyone’s good friends would do the same, if they could. I don’t think it’s passive aggressive at all.

Post # 11
Member
6374 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
Shortqtpie:  I don’t see an issue, provided you’re also doing it and the venue is local (and please please do it the day before, not the day of). I would however try to make it fun eg provide drinks and nibbles and take them out for dinner/cocktails/treat them to a manicure as a thank you.

Post # 12
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

I think if you mention in talks that you’ll be doing the decorating after the rehearsal yourselves they’ll iffer to jump in (I know I would), but I think it depends on your friends. You could make it a fun time with drinks and music and laughing. 

Especially if it were a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile Id jump at a chance to hang out no matter what we were doing and I want to help out a friend if I were a Bridesmaid or Best Man. 

Post # 13
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Brakefield

I’m in the same situation, so I asked a family member to do it. I know that she loves doing this type of thing, but I’ll still get her some sort of thank you gift.

Post # 14
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If you’re decorating the night before,  yes.  If the day of,  no.  My husband and friends decorated our venue day of.   While the bridesmaids and i were getting ready.   Hair and makeup takes a while. 

 

Also,  I’m quite surprised that your coordinator refuses to do so.  I work in the industry,  and I’ve never heard of this.  they always handle the decorating.  It’s part of their job. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 5 months ago by  pswtec.
Post # 15
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’d rather ask the Coordinator to hire someone. To me that falls in her camp, she can’t do it fine. She’s the professional, come to me with a solution, not a problem. But if she even gives push back at that, then ask a family member that’s not involved in the party for a favor. 

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