(Closed) Are nursing infants usually invited? (to Adult Only destination wedding)

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Schatzie821:  Eesh. That’s a hard one. I think a lot of the time an exception is made for nursing infants, but not always. 

It really sucks, but I think I’d stay home if I were in your position. You could potentially only be 4 weeks out from giving birth, which is still a pretty tough adjustment time for everyone. It is a lot of money to spend, but it also seems like a pretty rough time to try and take a vacation. I’m not a mom yet though, so maybe I’m wrong.

Post # 5
231 posts
Helper bee

I would suggest you give her a call and ask her how she feels about it before you buy your tickets.

Sometimes no means no exceptions .Although She may already be expecting you to be there with your new baby given your circumstances.

Hope it all works out well.

Post # 6
527 posts
Busy bee

I would just very nicely but directly ask the bride if your newborn would be welcome or not, and be clear you’re not seeking an exception; rather, a clarification since it’s common newborns are allowed at weddings where say toddlers and older children are not. Then just accept whatever response she gives and  make your decision from there.

And I TRULY mean this as nicely as I can possibly convey on a message board and not in a ‘snarky’ way, but please don’t pressure her with the idea that others will be upset if you’re not there. It’s a wedding celebrating her marriage; not a family reunion to show off your new baby. The bride has enough on her plate planning the event without unnecessary guilt over her choices from family members who are impacted by her choices in how she celebrates her special day.

Post # 7
1916 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would assume not, and honestly I wouldn’t want to travel with a baby that small.  It doesn’t hurt to ask though as long as no hurt feelings will be involved if she tells you no.

Post # 8
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Schatzie821:  It’s ok for your cousin not to invite nursing infants, but she shouldn’t be upset when their parents decline.

I personally think it’s ridiculous not to invite nursing infants. It’s not like they are going to be running around tearing apart the venue, right? But to each her own. I would probably decline the invitation if it didn’t include my baby.

Post # 9
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m getting married in May & there will be three tiny three month olds (one belongs to one of my BMs, two more belong to various first cousins) & the babies are invited!  We actually have a large handful of invited children – neices/nephews/cousins <10/children of people in the bridal party – so we decided to hire sitters on site so the parents can either be with their kids if they want or take a break to enjoy the reception if they want.  

Our site is also a 40a family farm so the kids can run around and play outside (we’re having lawn games, etc for the big and little kids alike!) or they can go inside and watch movies/take naps/whatever the needs of the moment happen to be.

Post # 10
3246 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Schatzie821:  I don’t think it’s accurate to expect that nursing infants would be allowed. It’s adults-only and probably a lot of that is so there is no disruptive crying during the ceremony. . . even if your new baby is very quiet, I don’t think it is OK to bring him/her. If you are able to have someone care for your baby during the ceremony and reception somewhere close enough that you can pop in and nurse and visit every so often during your cousin’s wedding day, I think that would be fine. As you’re probably aware, most people who have adults-only weddings are serious about that requirement, and that is because they don’t want babies and children potentially being noisy, or being exposed to partying and drinking later on. And of course if one exception is made, then others will have to be made also and soon it will be far from adults-only. :/

I will not be inviting children or babies to my wedding, because I want to avoid the potential noise and disruption– even if a child is generally quiet, there is always the unfortunate risk that she/he will make noises or cry during important moments of the wedding. I would be pretty unhappy with a guest who brought a baby and expected to be able to have the baby in the audience during the ceremony, especially if it had been explicitly stated somewhere that the wedding was adults only. 

I can see that it really sucks to be in your position! Hopefully there will be a way you can arrange for childcare at the wedding venue. Ask your cousin what options there are for that– hopefully she’ll be willing to help! As a no-kids-wedding bride myself, I would rather pay a babysitter with good references for a few hours than have favorite relatives or friends miss my wedding.

Post # 12
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I was in the same boat, hubby and I just got an invitation for a wedding, my babe will be just under 8 weeks. I just had him text his friend (he is friends with the groom) who said it was fine. There is no harm in asking, just as I assume they will understand if they say no and you and possible your partner don’t attend.

Post # 13
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

@Schatzie821 Oh so they know about the baby and its not invited…in that case I would skip calling your cousin and just decline the invitation. I think you having to leave the reception every 2 hours or more to nurse and you will still be recovering from a c-section might be too much and honestly I don’t think anyone should get mad or offended at that.

If you and your cousin are close I’d call after you get the invitation and express to her how disappointed you are that you won’t be able to attend and maybe still send a card.

Post # 14
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Schatzie821:  no they’re not typically included… a lot of people Boyfriend or Best Friend their kids until they are over 1 year of age and it just opens the door for everyone else to say “why cant my kid come then?” Adults only means adults only….generally most people dont want crying babies when they do that (no offense to anyone with newborns) its just thr truth…..however an actual newborn may be diff….especially if its destination, I know someone who is having the exact same scenario but she indicated to my friend who would have a 2 month old she was allowing her and another very new mom to bring the babies…. I will say I dont generally see newborns at adult only…(I just read your update above and revised a bit)

“just say “hey we totally want to come, but its a bit sticky because were traveling so far and the baby is going to be 6 weeks old, we understand if you’d rather not but it might mean I cant make it” or whatever…

On another note…. are you sure going to be able to/want to travel on a 5-6 hour plane ride that soon after a section??

Post # 15
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

At 6 weeks pp you’d be lucky to go 2 hours without your baby needing nurse, so even keeping baby with someone close likely woudn’t work out. If baby wasn’t allowed I know Darling Husband and I likely wouldn’t go.

FWIW tbh thinks it’s unrealistic to expect for a nursing mom (especially new mom) to be away from her baby that long. Of course this isn’t something that most non-parents think about (I know I never did before I myself became a breastfeeding mum). lol

Post # 16
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m always in the do not ask camp-if your new baby was invited, they would let you know. However, in the case of destinaton weddings, I am absolutely on the other end of the spectrum and feel that since they are asking so much of you, it is 100% okay to ask, and then decline if the newborn isn’t invited. 

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