(Closed) Are people just over thinking it?

posted 7 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Do people overthink conception too soon?

    Yes, start out relaxed and go from there.

    No, charting right away is necessary to get pregnant ASAP!

    I don't have an opinion either way.

  • Post # 62
    9561 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @GooteyBootey:  i am 32 and have fibroids.  i am not charting or doing anything with my cycle.  my gyn told me to have fun for the first 3 months and see what happens.  that is what we are doing.


    Post # 64
    4092 posts
    Honey bee

    @GooteyBootey:  I definitely think people can really stress and put too much pressure on it when it’s not really necessary, but there are also a lot of people who really do need to track things to make it happen. Not everyone has a regular cycle, not everyone ovulates at the same time every month. When you’re talking about a tiny window, doing some research and being proactive can make all the difference in the world.

    With that said, I do think some people are just natural worriers and seeing them stress themselves out and go crazy on the board is hard to watch. When I see people that convince themselves every month that they are pregnant, rip apart tests, invert the images, symptom spot every little thing…I just have to look away. I totally believe that kind of stress really will impact a person’s success so I try to avoid it as much as possibly.

    Post # 65
    7643 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    View original reply
    @GooteyBootey:  Like another PP said I didn’t want to play around for a year before I finally figured out, “Hey. Maybe I do have a fertility issue?”

    I probably don’t, but because my mom was my age when she started and it took her 5 miscarriages and 5 years to finally have a successful pregnancy, it scared the hell out of me, and I didn’t want to go through all of that if I didn’t have to.

    I didn’t temp, but I did track my period, fertile days, and ovulation days. It helped because we are a busy couple, sometimes too busy for sex. Does that mean I am too busy for a baby? No, before anyone makes that comment, BUT I feared if we went a year or whatever without charting, then we would find an excuse to put TTC on hold later on, and I didn’t want that.

    I think some people do put some stress upon themselves too much right away–and those are the symptom spotters, and while you are charting, it is very easy to do. That’s the point where maybe it gtes a little carried away. If you’re doing everything you can, then just relax, try, and if nothing comes of it then investigate, but I find charting to be a completely wonderful tool, and I would use it again.

    Post # 66
    11517 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @GooteyBootey:  I asked this question about a month ago and had similar answers.  Some people were really upset, others were helpful.  I think you, like me, genuinely wanted to know WHY people start charting and temping etc, but people assume you’re attacking their choice.

    Most of my friends were lucky and got pregnant without having to so much.  I personally didn’t know anyone who charted etc (or if they did, they didn’t talk about it) so I wanted to know the WHYs.  I think you are trying to ask an innocent question about feritilty and people are missing the point.

    Post # 67
    1530 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    View original reply
    @OldMrsMcDonald:  I am so sorry!  Keeping you and your little one in my thoughts!

    View original reply
    @GooteyBootey:  My DH & I have serious baby fever.  However I didnt start temping until this month and we started TTC in June.  Unfortunately after coming off BCP I have long cycles.   I was very confused in the first few months because I had strange discharge – and I didnt know if it counted as a period.  After talking to my OBGYN, we discovered I am having long cycles and we are only in cycle #4 now!  I started using OPKs to verify I was ovulating last cycle and started temping this month. 

    My friend didnt do anything beside have unprotected sex and got pregnant in 7 months after coming off BCP.  They did not have baby fever as much as my DH and I though!


    Post # 68
    9795 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I wasn’t going to chart right away (I’m 29).  I’d probably just go a 2-3 months relaxed and then maybe think about it.  But I got pregnant my first month off BCP without trying at all so I didn’t have any time to worry about things.  But that’s how I would have went about it. 

    But I understanding charting/TTC seriously right away if you’re waiting until you’re older.  If I decide I want to wait until I’m 33 or 35 then I don’t want to waste a whole year, I would want to get pregnant RIGHT AWAY.  And charting would be the most efficient way to do that.  If I was 28 I probably wouldn’t stress right away or even after a couple months. 

    I think there are positives and negatives to both ways to go about it.  It’s a little more regimented and stressful to chart (I would think) but on the positive side you know what’s going on with your body right away and know when you ovulate.  Not charting is more relaxing and carefree, just have sex when you feel like it.  But it might take you longer and you don’t know immediately if something is wrong with your own fertility (if you’re even ovulating, etc).

    So I don’t think there’s any right or wrong way to go about it.

    Post # 69
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I don’t necessarily think people who chart are overthinking it (to each her own), but with no known fertility problems that wouldn’t be the approach I’d take right out of the gate.  To me, it sounds overly clinical, unromantic, and stressful; to others, it’s NBD and feels empowering to know exactly what their body is doing at any given point in the cycle.  Neither approach is right or wrong.

    Post # 70
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    @GooteyBootey:  Sex does lead to babies. Perfectly timed sex with the right conditions, timing etc. If you did take the time to read up on charting and your fertility you would learn, as my DH was shocked to learn, that it isn’t a sex equals a baby right away. It sometimes takes a year or more for perfectly healthy couples to get all the factors JUST right. 

    I chart, take OPK’s and we plan our BD to get things right. I will be absolutely 100% honest in saying that it is NOT overthinking, it is NOT stressful and the planning and thinking of all the factors has brought DH and I closer together. 

    If you are absolutely fine with taking potentially months or years to concieve than by all means the natural way is for you. For myself and I’m sure many other bees we don’t want to wait that long…we want a baby now! And in wanting that baby now we are taking the proactive steps to make that happen. It isn’t stressful it is actually comforting.

    Post # 71
    2051 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I chart because I’m 32 and DH is 37.  We want two or three kids.  My mom went into early menopause (at 37 or 38).  So we wanted to make sure I get pregnant at least twice during that time.  Charting helps the process a lot.  If I don’t get pregnant within a year, at least I have a years worth of data and info to help diagnose any problems.  DH and I have sex often all throughout the month, not just in my fertile week.  I don’t chart so I know when to have sex – I chart to make sure I ovulate every cycle.

    I really don’t think I am ‘overthinking’ just being prepared!

    Post # 72
    881 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I found charting made me more relaxed.  It gave me peace of mind when I went off BCP that I was in fact ovulating again right away.  It helped me to understand when my fertile window was so we had the best chance of conceiving.  DH and I have wanted kids since we met so by the time we got married we hoped we could shorten the process to our BFP.  One of the reasons I wanted to chart immediately was that I knew that if we did have trouble conceiving (no reason to think we would), doctors usually ask you to chart for 6 months before they will run tests.  So I preferred to chart the first 6 months so I could go in with that and ask for help and be taken seriously if needed and not have to wait longer to do something I could have done on my own sooner.  I also loved that I knew exactly when to expect my period since coming off the pill.  I never had to waste pregnancy tests wondering if i was pregnant when I had just ovulated later than i thought.  It also helped me feel like I was being proactive, doing something instead of just having sex hoping for the best.  For my personality, charting was more relaxing than seeing what happens.  Everyone is different.  But please don’t assume people who chart are overthinking things and stressing themselves out.  It is hurtful to those who are truly struggling to conceive to hear that if they just relaxed, perhaps they would be pregnant.  The majority of those women need medical help of some sort to conceive and that kind of thinking is hurtful and inconsiderate.  Also, the “stress” associated with TTC is not really enough to mess with your cycles.  My cycle has been delayed once in my life and that was due to the death of a family member.  So sure, in that case I was so stressed that my body delayed ovulation.  But there is no way that people who chart are stressing themselves out to that extent.  Some people prefer to see what happens and they enjoy the fun of not knowing.  That’s great too, whatever works best for you and your partner there is no right and wrong only different means to an end.


    Post # 73
    614 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    View original reply
    @GooteyBootey:  I think the reason you’re getting some more upset reactions (and I’m surprised how few, actually) is because of the language you used.

    Title: Are people just over thinking it?


    Anyway, I’ve noticed something a bit odd to me in my research. It seems to me that people seem to be overthinking the whole conceiving thing…

    I can understand if several months have passed and nothing has happened wanting to be careful with your timing, but immediately? All the charting, temperature taking, test running hastle sounds like a major buzzkill for me, and from what I’ve read it’s a buzzkill for a lot of partners too.  I don’t think I would feel very sexy at times like that…

    The language in your original post comes across quite negatively towards those who choose to take a more targeted approach to TTC. Had you posted more along the lines of “When did you decide to start charting, and why?”, indicating that you are generally just curious and not seeming judgemental about it, then you’d be less likely to get the type of response where someone feels like you’ve insulted them and their choice.

    And, to answer your question:

    I’m 31. I started charting over a year ago after coming off of hormonal birth control for the first time in 10 years, so that I would know when my period was going to start (I’ve never gotten over the fear of having an unexpected period bleedthrough). I also was really curious about fertility in general, since I was utterly clueless about how the whole thing worked. It takes me about 30 seconds per day to track my temp and other signs. It does not interfere with my sex life or become a buzzkill for me or my DH. It helps me feel like we are maximizing our potential for getting pregnant each cycle, which at 31 feels important.

    Post # 74
    2787 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @Mrs.LemonDrop:  @IAmTheShadow:   + 1000

    View original reply

    I did not vote on your poll, since it’s a personal decision and I’m not who to judge, give an opinion, or even care on what other couples do.

    Charting is not stressful at all, it actually makes me feel better that I know what’s going with my body.

    I was so ignorant about my own cycle, and I wish I had started charting months before we started TTC, I could have learned that I have a short luteal phase and take actions to improve it. Taking my temperature takes less than 2 minutes a day. I wake up at the same time as usual since I have to be early at work. For the weekends, I wake up at the same time, take my temperature and go back to sleep, simple, no stressing or over thinking it. The more data and information I have about my own cycles, the more calm and stress-free I am.

    My ob-gyn has informed that if I’m not able to conceive after 1 year, then I will be asked to chart for a couple of months so they have data to determine what could be the issue. Why would I waste a year if I can chart now and have that data for my doctor to check if I’m still haven’t been able to conceive.

    Both my DH and I are 30, we’re ready to have a baby now, we don’t want to try for a year and then if it doesn’t happen, start considering what could be wrong. We are taking any proactive actions that will increase our chances of conceiving. That’s our decision; the same way is your decision to not chart. I don’t judge your approach, and I think it’d be nice of you if you provided charters the same courtesy 🙂

    Post # 75
    51 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    View original reply
    @cherrypie:  +1


    After being on BC for most of my reproductive life, not being on it is a bit alien to me. I don’t remember what a real period is since I’ve only really ever had withdrawal bleeding. I actyslly discovered charting through this board and I’m so happy I did. I promptly went on amazon prime and bought the TCOYF book and a thermometer and started right away. I sat with the book most of the weekend learning things I did not know before. It’s a bit sad that as a 20something who hopes to reproduce soon, didn’t know some things about what goes on down there. Figuring out what is going on with my body, as many PP said, was so empowering. It actually made me feel sexier. For those who are having difficulties, yes it will highlight issues, because obviously if you’re having trouble, you’d want to know as much as possible. As a couple who is not TTC this week, but could soon, it feels so good and more relaxing knowing what is happening with my body. 

    Post # 76
    1401 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Well, we got lucky and wound up pregnant month 1 just with a lot of BD time, but that doesn’t happen for everyone. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant, I was ready to start charting in month two because I discovered in my tww (while contemplating the possibility of a BFN) just how desperately I wanted to be pregnant. Charting can speed things up.

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