Post # 1
Hi all, frequent lurker, very occasional poster here.
After just getting a wedding invite to a wedding taking place next month, I am having some feelings. Mostly, I am shocked by the fact that this couple (groom is a member of fiance’s family) is intending to have a full normal wedding (probably around 150 guests, maybe a bit larger but I don’t know the confirmed number) with no modifications or precautions to mitigate COVID spread. We had not heard from this couple recently so had assumed they would send a postponement announcement soon. Instead, we got an invite. The ceremony is indoors. The reception looks like it will be a mixed indor/outdoor situation. Neither the invite or the couple’s wedding website says a single word about COVID. No guidance on masks, distancing, etc. Looks like it will be a fully normal reception with food and dancing. There will be elderly guests in attendance (including fiance’s grandmother, who has had a number of health scares this past year and who he is very concerned about).
I wanted to see what this community thinks. Am I crazy to think that this wedding taking place is stupid, selfish, and irresponsible? Am I missing something here?? Would you attend a wedding next month (July) with well over a hundred people and no precautions?
Background context that may be fueling my anger at receiving the invite: My fiance and I were supposed to get married earlier this month. We made the call in April to postpone until 2021 for the safety of our guests (having a small ceremony in compliance with state guidelines was impossible for various personal/family reasons I won’t bore you with here). Now that our state and surrounding states have been opening up (much faster than I anticipated when we postponed), I’m starting to get the impression that some people in my and my fiance’s lives think we were being silly/dramatic by postponing. So, full disclosure, I think this couple holding their wedding next month stings more because we postponed ours and fiance’s family in particular has just been so unsupportive throughout the whole process.
Additional context that might be important: The wedding we were invited to is in a Midwestern state (let’s call it state A) that is two states away from where fiance and I live and were going to get married (state B). State A has been very quick to reopen everything and there are basically no rules from the government about social distancing anymore (no specific max number of people in a gathering, for example). Most people have stopped wearing masks in public. Almost everyone in my fiance’s immediate and extended family lives in state A and has been ignoring/actively defying distancing guidelines since the start of the pandemic. In state B, our state, we are reopening as well but more slowly, there are specified limits on gatherings, and mask use is required indoors at all times in our city. It does feel like a lot of this country is living in two different worlds due to inconsistent government guidelines, and I’m sure that’s influencing people’s decisions about holding big events. I just had no idea that people were actually going full speed ahead as normal with weddings in any part of the country right now.
Post # 2
The August and September weddings we were invited to have been postponed to 2021. So far, the late October wedding is still going on as planned.
Post # 3
I totally get what you mean. I haven’t seen too many big weddings in my area thankfully, as most things are closed down still. We were going to have a 150+ wedding on 7/11 and have been planning for almost two years. But obviously we canceled it because ya know, I don’t want to kill my family.
We are having a small ceremony on the same day with immediate fam, and bridal party only with no plus ones. I’m feeling guilty for having even that many people, I couldn’t imagine forcing anyone to come or going forward with our original wedding! Hopwfully in the future we can have a big reception with our original guest list!
Post # 4
Yikes. I’m with you. That said I’m in NYC where there have been over 20k deaths and March and April were marked by the nonstop sound of ambulances and staggering daily death tolls. Things are reopening here too but I cannot imagine feeling comfortable attending events of any size for a long time. The most I feel comfortable with this summer is sitting outdoors with a few friends 6′ apart in a park, wearing masks. An indoor wedding is unthinkable (except in places that have actually gotten things under control, e.g. Australia).
Post # 5
It’s up to guests whether they want to accept the risk or not, not the bride and groom.
I’m sorry you had to postpone your wedding. I don’t think you were being silly at all, and it’s the moral choice.
But I do think you should be careful not to yuck their yum on such an important day, regardless of what you’re doing with your own event.
Post # 7
I’m with you. I don’t care how loose their local restrictions are, what they’re doing is still foolish, irresponsible and selfish. I wouldn’t attend.
Post # 8
I have a wedding I was invited to for next month as well. I’m not going nor am I going to the shower this month. The bride was previously was a close friend said that they basically don’t care about Covid and it’s like a flu so they are still getting married. I’ve had an immediate family member that had Covid and I’m not willing to risk my life or someone else’s.
Post # 9
I would not attend a wedding like that. A lot of people are sick of covid and acting like it doesn’t exist anymore. Some of us like staying out of the ICU and having full lung capacity.
Yes, it’s up to guests whether to attend or not. But an invite comes with implicit expectations, depending on the invitee’s relationship with the couple. At the least, the couple could have addressed covid concerns on their site.
Post # 10
You haven’t spoken to them in some time. Maybe call and ask these details? Or don’t go?
Post # 11
A few weeks ago we received a wedding cancellation announcement for a wedding planned for next month. They are going ahead with the wedding day but a small affair with immediate family only. Their announcement stated they hoped to have a “reception” on their one year anniversary.
Good thing, because we would have declined to attend if they had gone full speed ahead.
Please don’t feel silly about cancelling your wedding. The silly people are those who are judging you for cancelling.
Post # 12
My friend’s venue won’t let them cancel or change the date unless the rules of their state at the time don’t allow gatherings of that size. They haven’t announced the next phase yet so they have no choice but to move forward or lose a ton of money. Wedding is at the end of August and they are in a hard hit state but one that’s well on the way to reopening. If they had their way, they would postpone because they’re afraid that people won’t come but they don’t get final say unfortunately. So you may not know the whole story.
Post # 13
Whether it’s a good idea or a bad idea, the fact is that it’s allowed. And if it’s allowed then people are going to do it. You can’t control others’ behaviours so you do whatever you want and need to and focus on that.
Post # 14
People have sometimes polar opposite opinions on this so it will reflect on their decisions to party on..covid or no covid. Just like some people think the “cure is worse than the disease”.
Post # 15
yeah, that is super crazy and stupid. Unfortunately many of our political leaders (the Senile Cheeto included) are modeling that this is ok, so people believe it. NO. It’s not safe. Don’t go.