- 7 months ago
- Wedding: June 2020
So, I just wanted to add here as this happened to me. I have decided that it is best to post pone our late October wedding, but no one is in support of this. Neither my fiancé nor our families. I am stuck. I wanted to post pone now so things can merely be shifted instead of fall apart if we are forced to cancel, but he is not accepting of this. He refuses to admit the obvious that there won’t be weddings in 2020. That said, I am going forward with a wedding that I now don’t want. It’s deteriorating my mental health and making me feel like I’m the crazy one. Please try not to judge so harshly, you don’t know what people are dealing with.
The judgements on here are UNREAL. Shame on all of you. If you recieve an invite for a 2020 wedding, just do what makes you feel comfortable and don’t criticize the bride and groom! They have waited a life time for this and if this is their decision to go forward, who are you to judge?! As a Nov 2020 bride I am in the same position. Everyone says “its your day do what you want” and look at how all of you are reacting! It’s hard enough to plan a wedding that is supposed to be about you and the groom and yet at the same time you have to ensure everyone else will be happy. As of right now we are moving forward as normal until we hear otherwise from our venue who still feels optimistic for the fall weddings they have booked. Our original guest list was only 85 max so no conerns of a HUGE crowd compared to other weddings/events. Regardless of your personal feelings and opinions which yes you are entitled to, the day is up to the bride and groom and if you choose not to attend then so be it.
I get the pain of waiting so long and investing major resources into a wedding day only to have it derailed by factors out of your control. I just went through that having to postpone my June wedding. It sucks, but life is often not fair.
The virus does not care about your emotions or how much you want things. And, as much as people like to say “it’s the couple’s day,” that really does not apply in the context of a pandemic. If you’re asking people to participate in a gathering that could bring harm, you are responsible for that harm. As @weddingmaven pointed out, it’s much more complicated than guests being able to simply choose not to go. The social and familial pressures around weddings are intense. Even if you think you’re not making anyone feel obligated to attend, by hosting the event, you are, in fact, making people feel obligated to attend. And when attendance can cause harm not only to invitees but to the broader communities they live within, hosting that event is simply irresponsible and immoral.
I’m really tired of doing my best to follow the rules and think about the welfare of others when states are backtracking and closing again because others just don’t care. I’ll say it again – it DOES call for judgment. You’re literally harming others. As Dr. Fauci said during yesterday’s press conference, you have a societal responsibility to act with some care – if not, you’ll infect others who will infect others and it will eventually affect us all. So yes – we should ALL be judging and encouraging one another to do the right thing here.
I don’t think everyone is saying that this year though. It is incredibly disappointing for the couple, but I disagree with you and think the couple has some responsibility. I have elderly family members who are not taking this seriously enough. While they go out here and there, they’re not going to hang out in big crowds, but if they were invited to a wedding they would go. And I would be pissed at whoever invited them.
I totally get where you’re coming from in terms of you cancelled your wedding etc., but try to push past that. You did the right thing, they’re being irresponsible.
Friends of ours had a March wedding planned. Then a June wedding. Now it’s an October wedding and I have just been side-eyeing them the entire time like “What is not clicking with you yet? It’s not going to be a wedding this year at all because NO ONE wants to wear a mask.”
Who knows? Anything can happen between now and November, but Covid isn’t going to magically disappear in the next five months based on the numbers.
Also, I think what you are seeing as “judgement” is just people who are not having an emotional response, but rather a more logical response. At the very least, add in some sort of verbiage making sure everyone who attends agrees not to go then clog up their local ICU two weeks later.
I’m in the camp of “if someone gets an invitation to a wedding and doesn’t feel safe going, just RSVP ‘no'”. If you feel safe, go. If you don’t feel safe, don’t go. I don’t understand why so many people feel that the bride and groom are being irresponsible, while giving the hypothetical guests a free pass because of “familial and societal pressure.” There is no doubt that there’s a lot of social and familial pressure surrounding a decision to attend a wedding, but if a guest decides to attend anyway, even knowing the dangers, they are just as irresponsible as the couple having the wedding. They don’t get a free pass just because “aw boo-hoo my Aunt Mildred would never forgive me if I didn’t attend her daughters wedding.” So in that case, they’re saying they care more about how they are perceived than their health and the health of others.
Just to give another perspective, my mum is 81. I bring her groceries and her meds, so I have to be incredibly careful where I go. After my son’s graduation where there was no social distancing I didn’t see her for two weeks. The school is as much responsible for that as I am because a parent cannot just skip something like that.
Krm1984 is right that responsibility falls equally on the host and attendee.
Do I miss doing things? Going places? Seeing people? Yes.
Would I miss my mum even more if something happened? Emphatically YES.