Are people seriously having normal weddings right now?

posted 7 months ago in Guests
Post # 136
Member
1388 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

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@cc33ammy:  The early October wedding I’m invited to also are desperate / determined to stick with their date. But I believe it will happen since it’s pretty small and being held outdoors. I wouldn’t be surprised if fall weddings wait until August to make a decision on the matter.

Post # 137
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

So, I just wanted to add here as this happened to me. I have decided that it is best to post pone our late October wedding, but no one is in support of this. Neither my fiancé nor our families. I am stuck. I wanted to post pone now so things can merely be shifted instead of fall apart if we are forced to cancel, but he is not accepting of this. He refuses to admit the obvious that there won’t be weddings in 2020. That said, I am going forward with a wedding that I now don’t want. It’s deteriorating my mental health and making me feel like I’m the crazy one. Please try not to judge so harshly, you don’t know what people are dealing with. 

Post # 138
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

The judgements on here are UNREAL. Shame on all of you. If you recieve an invite for a 2020 wedding, just do what makes you feel comfortable and don’t criticize the bride and groom! They have waited a life time for this and if this is their decision to go forward, who are you to judge?! As a Nov 2020 bride I am in the same position.  Everyone says “its your day do what you want” and look at how all of you are reacting! It’s hard enough to plan a wedding that is supposed to be about you and the groom and yet at the same time you have to ensure everyone else will be happy. As of right now we are moving forward as normal until we hear otherwise from our venue who still feels optimistic for the fall weddings they have booked. Our original guest list was only 85 max so no conerns of a HUGE crowd compared to other weddings/events. Regardless of your personal feelings and opinions which yes you are entitled to, the day is up to the bride and groom and if you choose not to attend then so be it. 

Post # 139
Member
13719 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@bridetobe1106:  Sorry, but as soon as you invite guests it is no longer all about you. I have no issue with people taking a wait and see approach to canceling, but it is disingenuous to act as if there is no responsibility on your end or that people don’t feel pressure to attend the weddings of family and close friends. The shame is for those who don’t get that. 

Post # 141
Member
1820 posts
Buzzing bee

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@bridetobe1106:  I’m sorry but this is completely irresponsible and selfish. The health of others shouldn’t be sacrificed for “your special day.”  You’re not ensuing that everyone is happy, as you put it – you’re literally keeping them well. As PPs pointed out, a pandemic doesn’t give a shit about your day. The party can wait. And I know people very personally who have made this difficult decision so I get it – but it’s flat out reckless to charge forward with a wedding because you’ve “waited a lifetime.”  This is an incredibly self-centered approach. If you want to get married, do so at a courthouse and throw a big party later – you know, when it’s SAFE. 

I’m really tired of doing my best to follow the rules and think about the welfare of others when states are backtracking and closing again because others just don’t care.  I’ll say it again – it DOES call for judgment. You’re literally harming others. As Dr. Fauci said during yesterday’s press conference, you have a societal responsibility to act with some care – if not, you’ll infect others who will infect others and it will eventually affect us all. So yes – we should ALL be judging and encouraging one another to do the right thing here. 

Post # 142
Member
2283 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

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@jayquellen:  This one is 150 people! Outdoors, but still in a fairly tight place. Not looking forward to making a decision. sealed

Post # 143
Member
2283 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

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@bridetobe1106: Everyone says “its your day do what you want” 

I don’t think everyone is saying that this year though. It is incredibly disappointing for the couple, but I disagree with you and think the couple has some responsibility. I have elderly family members who are not taking this seriously enough. While they go out here and there, they’re not going to hang out in big crowds, but if they were invited to a wedding they would go. And I would be pissed at whoever invited them. 

Post # 144
Member
4236 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@minnerose:  I would have sent back my RSVP card with “lol” and nothing else. The couple, the family, and every single person who RSVPs yes to the wedding is being absolutely irresponsible. I, too, live in a state that opened up way too damn early and is now going to have to close again because of an explosion in Covid cases. 

I totally get where you’re coming from in terms of you cancelled your wedding etc., but try to push past that. You did the right thing, they’re being irresponsible. 

Friends of ours had a March wedding planned. Then a June wedding. Now it’s an October wedding and I have just been side-eyeing them the entire time like “What is not clicking with you yet? It’s not going to be a wedding this year at all because NO ONE wants to wear a mask.” 

Post # 145
Member
4236 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@bridetobe1106:  I understand that this is an incredibly emotional thing for you. I can’t imagine how upset I would have been if I had to cancel/postpone a wedding I had been dreaming of and planning for for years. However, trust me when I say this, nothing, nothing, NOTHING – not even your dream wedding – is worth putting yourself or your guests at risk. Personally, I could not even fathom the guilt I’d feel knowing my closest friends and family or my newly minted husband contracted Covid because of a wedding I insisted on powering through with. If Covid is running as rampant as I’m guessing it will be, I don’t expect a high turn out for your wedding as is. And, personally, if I received an invitation, I’d think you were a bit self-centered.

Who knows? Anything can happen between now and November, but Covid isn’t going to magically disappear in the next five months based on the numbers. 

Also, I think what you are seeing as “judgement” is just people who are not having an emotional response, but rather a more logical response. At the very least, add in some sort of verbiage making sure everyone who attends agrees not to go then clog up their local ICU two weeks later. 

Post # 146
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

I’m in the camp of “if someone gets an invitation to a wedding and doesn’t feel safe going, just RSVP ‘no'”. If you feel safe, go. If you don’t feel safe, don’t go. I don’t understand why so many people feel that the bride and groom are being irresponsible, while giving the hypothetical guests a free pass because of “familial and societal pressure.” There is no doubt that there’s a lot of social and familial pressure surrounding a decision to attend a wedding, but if a guest decides to attend anyway, even knowing the dangers, they are just as irresponsible as the couple having the wedding. They don’t get a free pass just because “aw boo-hoo my Aunt Mildred would never forgive me if I didn’t attend her daughters wedding.” So in that case, they’re saying they care more about how they are perceived than their health and the health of others.

Post # 147
Member
1820 posts
Buzzing bee

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@valencia247:  To clarify my perspective, I feel that anyone who attends a large gathering is equally irresponsible. My point was that peer pressure would make people more LIKELY to go. Why host the event and provide a platform for spread? Attendance and hosting the event are equally problematic. 

Post # 148
Member
7800 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Just to give another perspective, my mum is 81. I  bring her groceries and her meds, so I have to be incredibly careful where I go. After my son’s graduation where there was no social distancing I didn’t see her for two weeks. The school is as much responsible for that as I am because a parent cannot just skip something like that. 

Krm1984 is right that responsibility falls equally on the host and attendee.

Do I miss doing things? Going places? Seeing people? Yes.

Would I miss my mum even more if something happened? Emphatically YES. 

Post # 149
Member
10455 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

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@bridetobe1106:  “It’s your day do what you want” is rarely the majority advice on these boards. Consider your guests, do you what is necessary to make every comfortable and be a good host is seen way more often than “It’s your day do what you want”

Post # 150
Member
1708 posts
Bumble bee

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@bridetobe1106:  When people say “it’s your day, do what you want” they’re usually talking about having a dessert bar rather than the traditional wedding cake or peacocks on the lawn–not about putting your loved ones in a difficult position by risking their life and well-being.

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