(Closed) Are sending announcements after an elopement rude?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard

If I had eloped and wasn’t planning to have a reception, I would not have a gift registry. So I see an announcement as just that, an announcement. Not gift grabby at all. The money you save by not having a wedding is money you can spend on whatever stuff you need. Sending announcement is a nice idea, people can congratulate you in person or send you a nice card.

Post # 17
Member
6209 posts
Bee Keeper

I personally feel like it’s fine. My friend did that with postcards with as photo and no one sent gifts because it was an announcement. 

Post # 18
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I think it’s fine as people will want the chance to wish you well!

Post # 19
Member
3972 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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headoverboots :  Your mom is way off base. Sending an announcement is just that–an announcement that a major life event has occurred for you. Sending an announcement with a link to a registry, eh–I can see where she may take issue with that. You got married! You should feel free to spread that joy as you feel.

Absolutely send the announcements and ignore your mom. 

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arosebyanyothername :  How is it gift grabby? Do you think birth announcements are gift grabby? Graduation announcements? How is expressing to family and friends (the old fashioned way, mind you) gift grabby if all you’re doing is saying, “Hey, look, I got married!”

Post # 20
Member
4775 posts
Honey bee

Agree with others – you’re announcing a life change, not asking for gifts.  Mailed announcements used to be the norm.  It’s akin to mailing announcements that you moved and have a change of address.  I think if it is just you and your kids it is perfectly fine – technically an elopement is secret with no guests.  So as long as it isn’t “we just had a small wedding and now throwing in your face you weren’t invited” it is perfectly fine. 

Post # 21
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
headoverboots :  I think your mother is wrong. An announcement is just an announcement, and though some people may choose to send a gift, it is by no means an obligation by receiving an announcement.

I would appreciate receiving an announcement if one of my friends eloped. It’s more personal than finding out over Facebook.

Post # 22
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

It’s totally fine. When people send other announcements like birth announcements no one expects a gift. This is no different. I would much rather get an announcement in the mail than see you just change your social media status out of the blue if you were important to me.

Post # 23
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I think it’s absolutely appropriate to send out wedding announcements.  That’s what they’re made for.  

Post # 24
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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Schmashley :  I’m not to surprised to see that, your photos are AMAZING!

Post # 25
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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headoverboots :  

We sent out “merry and Married” Xmas cards. Everyone loved them, and now they have our new address too. We did them as Xmas cards because there was no pressure to give a gift. Also, we were able to get a major deal on having them printed on zazzle.com on black friday.

Post # 26
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

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smoocheepoo :  Thank you! It kinda freaks me out though because i’m fairly private in terms of social media. If you look at my IG, it’s mostly pictures of dogs and places I’ve traveled haha.

Post # 27
Member
3951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think announcements are gift-grabby. If I were your friend and you eloped, I might send you a gift once I found out, but only because I would want to – an announcement wouldn’t make a difference to me. And if I got one and couldn’t/didn’t want to buy a gift, I wouldn’t feel like the announcement implied I should. It’s just an announcement, and a nice gesture to those you consider close enough to notify.

Post # 28
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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catskillsinjune :  Thanks for saying this (about whether eloping or not) – my future Mother-In-Law wants to send announcements to the family members she thinks we don’t need to invite – they wouldn’t want to travel for the wedding, but might feel obligated to come, even though they are extended family and haven’t seen Fiance in years. My only concern is that I think she wants to send out an announcement BEFORE the wedding, which seems inappropriate to me. That would be weird, right? To me that basically says, hey, we’re getting married, but you’re not invited. I think I’ve convinced her that we should send it after, and that way we can include a photo from the day on it. No one in my FI’s family has had a “traditional” wedding – they all elope – so I understand that’s what she’s used to. On the other hand, she knows her family members much better than I do and how they’d react, so part of me is tempted to let her do whatever she likes, as long as there’s no registry info on the announcement…thoughts?

 

Post # 29
Member
641 posts
Busy bee

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headoverboots :  I’m eloping just me and the Fiance. I’m not sending any announcements out bc people don’t really care to know one way or another if I get married. And I don’t care if people know or not. Why bother them with junk mail they will trash? My close friends and his family knows we’re getting married and they will see photos on Facebook. Sending announcements is just another expense and makes it look like I’m looking for attention or gifts. 

Post # 30
Member
3187 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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mrsptobe2017 :  yeah sending one before you get married might be confusing, as some people might wonder if it’s an invitation. i’m also planning to send announcements to distant (overseas) family who we didn’t send invitations to, since we knew they wouldn’t come anyway. we’re waiting until we get our pictures back so we can use a pro photo on it (which should avoid any invitation confusion, and because i think people might like to see a photo).

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