Post # 32
I grew up in the South and only knew to give one gift. If I bring a gift to the shower (the value depending on what I can afford and how close I am to the bride) I do not bring another gift to the wedding. I believe that is what my parents have always done too.
Post # 33
It also sounds like bachelorette gift and bridal shower gift are getting confused here. A shower is often with the bride’s family members (including grandmothers, etc.), so that’s often more like a luncheon/tea, very PG and not typically a place to give risque gifts/lingerie. I’d only bring that type of gift if the shower invitation suggested it. Shower gifts are usually like registry gifts- something home or kitchen-related, sometimes it might be beauty products for the bride.
Often, ppl don’t even do gifts for bachelorette parties, but, when you do, there’s usually no registry for it and it’s something from victoria’s secret or similar place either a gag gift (something edible some kama sutra book) or something probably useful (lotion, lingerie).
If you’re not sure, best to not embarrass yourself by taking a sexy card/gift to a bridal shower.
Post # 34
Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but I’m of the opinion that if you give a gift to someone that is related to the fact that they are getting married, it is a wedding gift. It doesn’t matter if it’s given at the shower, at the wedding, after the wedding, whatever. Really these party/ gift things are getting ridiculous. You obviously don’t invite every wedding guest to your shower. So the ones who aren’t invited to the shower are off the hook while the people who attend the shower are suckered into buying 2 gifts? That’s not fair. You want to invite other people to your wedding? That makes you a host, not an entitled recipient. A gift for a meal, a gift for a meal, a gift for a meal. I owe you a gift every time I eat at an occasion you INVITE me to. Thus rendering either gesture meaningless. It’s nonsense.
Post # 35
I didn’t read previous posts, so I’m probably repeating. Yes they are definitely separate.
Shower gift=gift for bride
Wedding gift=gift for couple
The shower gift would be something really small…it is a “gift shower”, hence the name. It should definitely be geared toward the bride. I think it’s strange to pick out someone else’s underwear for them…so I usually give a gift card to Victorias Secret or a department store with a really nice lingerie section.
Post # 36
we’re having two showers, one of them (in our current city) is a couple’s shower. so i won’t be getting any naughty things at that one! lol!
Post # 37
I’ve never been to a couples shower before, so I don’t know what I would get honestly! Maybe a gift card to a restaurant they like to go to or a wine tasting at a vineyard (that’s popular where I live)
Post # 38
Bring a gift to each.
Honestly, I think this started to get confusing when people started having these huge, expensive showers…people started bringing bigger and bigger gifts, which isn’t what a shower was traditionally all about (again, this is my understanding and the way I was brought up).
Every woman from the wedding is not invited to the shower. The shower is only for close family and friends. It is a fairly short get together…I’d say max 3 hours, with 2 being the optimum. The gifts are small things, generally for the kitchen or bathroom. Things like kitchen utensils, tea towels, measuring cups…that kind of thing. I have never spent more than $40 on a shower gift and usually aim towards $20-30.
In my group of friends, the standard wedding present appears to be around $100 per person, depending on what you can afford. I like to give gifts rather than cash and usually like to give something that the couple will have for ever (like a piece of their china, etc).
Post # 39
This is obviously very regional, but in my area, there’s just one registry. Show gifts may be bought off the registry but they’re typically smaller than that – very small presents. Then you bring the “real”, more expensive, present to the wedding.
Oh, I should add that I grew up in Nova Scotia, Canada, in case anyone wants to know what the region is 🙂
Post # 40
Where I live, typically shower gifts from the registry are given at the bridal shower (toasters, sheets, towels, kitchen utensils, things for the couple’s new home).
Then at the wedding, most people bring cards with cash or gift cards in them.
Of course, some people give cash/gift cards at the shower, then a material gift at the wedding.
OR some people just give a blender at the shower and then a set of china at the wedding.
OR some people give cash/gift cards at the shower AND wedding.
Just depends, I guess, but definitely gifts for both events.
Post # 41
I’m in NY and they are conisdered two separate events and two separate presents – I usually purchase a gift off the registry for the shower and then cash/check as a gift for the actual wedding.
Post # 42
In also from an area where the bridal shower gift is the wedding gift. If I couldn’t attend the wedding, my shower gift would be all they get. So does that mean I’m a bad person because I’m a friend close enough to get an invite but I couldnt go to their out of state wedding, so I didn’t get them two gifts? No, they would get a wedding gift….at the shower. I would never ever expect two gifts from my guests. The gift would come at the shower or the wedding, but certainly not both.
I understand the notion of a gift to the bride and a gift to the couple however I agree with PP that there’s a bachellorette party for that. I’ve seen shower gifts be weedeaters, pots and pans, dishes, vacuums, home improvement cards, even garage power tools, lawnmowers and stainless steel bbq grills. That kind of stuff is meant for the for the couple, for them to maintain their home, not the bride herself only and some stuff like this cannot be delivered to the couple at the church or beach or whatever location the wedding is. although I have seen lingerie, honeymoon clothes, botox injections, and other specific female only gifts at showers too.
So basically it sounds like the answer to the OP’s question is: it depends. i don’t think either is right or wrong, it just depends on how ppl view it
Post # 43
I don’t think more than one gift per person is necessary. If someone brought me a gift to my shower (which is today!) but only gave a card at the wedding, I wouldn’t give a crap.
Post # 44
A shower is properly given by friends, not family, in honor of the bride and to help her set up. Gifts are meant to be no where in the realm of wedding presents. Think, oven mitts, cookbooks ,kitchen tools, towels, small inexpensive appliances. Yes, they are separate from the wedding gift.