(Closed) Are Siblings-in-Law Family?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Tough call.  I mean – you’re getting married soon and will be family – but you aren’t yet.  I was in ONE picture at my Brother-In-Law and SIL’s wedding and it was TWO WEEKS before our wedding.  I wasn’t upset.  SIL later claimed she wanted me in more but I had taken off (GM’s fiance and I had stood around watching them take pictures for an hour+ and finally headed for the damn bar, also had to get two cars to the gas station and then the reception venue so people could leave later). 

On the other hand, my husband was in my brother and SIL’s wedding pictures over 5 years before we got married.  My mom was too nice to kick him out once the photographer put him in the “family” pictures but was uncomfortable with it since we were only just dating at the time.  Lucky it worked out!

Post # 20
Member
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

… But you’re not an in-law to her yet.

I think she was perfectly in line – I’m not going to have my sister’s/FSIL’s boyfriends in my photos, partly because I have a very small family, but also because they’re my photos! And I really just want them to be immediate family only. They will have plenty of other photos at my wedding, and the boyfriends will be in my albums, photobooth pics, and video.

Both my sister and Future Sister-In-Law are totally the type who would demand I destroy the photo with their ex in it, if they ever broke up with that guy.
What if it was my favorite photo? It would ruin it for me, and I couldn’t hang it up in my house without hearing it for the rest. of. my. life.

Post # 22
Member
9823 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it’s okay if they wait until you’re actually married to include you in pictures.  However I’d still do double pictures.  Pictures with SOs and pictures without them. 

Post # 24
Member
1796 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@CakeyP:  +1 . But I do think it’s more tactful to take one photo of family with spouses and serious SO and then another photo of just family with no in laws.

Post # 26
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

When Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law got married I was only dating my Fiance for a year and I’m in all of the family pictures. Theyre hanging up all over the house. After we got enegaged I joked around that we had to get married otherwise it would be rely awkward to explain the girl in all the wedding photos. 

I would have been really offended had they gotten married this summer and Ihadn’t been included in family pictures! That’s just rude ๐Ÿ™

 

Post # 27
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

In law siblings are the same as siblings in matters like this to me. I would never exclude my sisters husband! And my Fiance has 2 brothers… They would include me, I’m sure of it.

Does she not like you possibly? I do have a younger brother with a gf I’m not too fond of, but that is mostly because they are unstable and break up all the time. But if they were engaged, I would put her in some pictures. 

Hmm, tough call. I suppose it also depends on how well she knows you personally. I guess it’s already done, so the best course of action is probably to try to let it go. 

Post # 28
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t 100% expect to be included unless we were already married. My DH’s sister got married shortly before our engagement, and I wasn’t offended to not be in her pictures. I think the headline of your post is a bit misleading, because despite the fact that you guys are engaged and have been together for years, she is not your SIL quite yet. This one seems like a gray area to me, it could go either way but seems like a pretty useless thing to waste your time being offended over. I do think it’s a little weird she didn’t include the niece, but to be honest I also think it’s a little weird that you care so much. They’re not your wedding pictures, and the point of her wedding is not so you can get pictures of you and your Fiance. It’s just a picture, don’t let it hurt your relationship with your Future Sister-In-Law. And since you’re pretty much debating with everyone who doesn’t agree with you (even though you asked for opinion), I’m sure you’re going to come back with ‘Well if it’s just a picture and not a big deal why couldn’t she just include us’ But come on, you’re an adult, someone has to be the bigger person here. Don’t let this become an issue, it’s unnecessary.

Post # 29
Member
495 posts
Helper bee

I think they should have included all of you in at least one photo, but I don’t think they were HORRIBLE not to.

We had one photo of just me, my husband, and his siblings, and one with his brother’s wife in it. No big deal.

Post # 30
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsWBS If that’s a legit answer, then NO ONE would be in any wedding shots since the divorce rate in America is 50%.  So just in case, everyone has an equal chance of it “not working out.”

 

@LeopardPrintBee I do think it was rude.  Engaged is serious enough and considered family, or at least by everyone I know.  I know it’s too late now, but maybe emphasize at your wedding those who will be included and why, maybe she’ll take a hint.  Sorry you got left out.  Hugs.

Post # 31
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@LeopardPrintBee:  yeah, i got excluded from photos at Future Brother-In-Law and his wife’s wedding last year. i think she was trying to keep me at arm’s length for jealousy reasons though (the wedding was super tense and a bit of a mess, and our planning process has been easy peasy). it was still sad, these are people you’re going to be related to (in theory) forever, and i wanted photos to keep as memories of that day.

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