(Closed) Are Siblings-in-Law Family?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I consider in-laws as family.  However, fiances are not in-laws so I wouldn’t include them in family pictures. 

Post # 33
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

we encountered this when we took family photos.  i was not married yet and neither was my brother.  but we were both in long term committed relationships and engaged.  we ended up taking some pictures with just the immediate family and some with the future spouses.  i think we wanted photos with just the family in case either one of us broke off the engagement. 

Post # 34
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

View original reply
@LeopardPrintBee:  Oh, it just pissed me off because we have all these family Christmas photos with my grandparents (both are now deceased) where all of them have this guy smack in the middle of the grandparents and grandchildren picture.  They got married (and then quickly divorced), but even when they were dating it was wrong to ask him to not be in the grandparent/grandchild picture.

It’s like… can’t we have a biological grandchildren with grandparents only picture in addition to all of these where we are trying to make him feel so welcome by putting him smack in the middle of the picture?  My issue was more that we could only have pictures with him in it, as opposed to having some pictures with him, and some without.  Especially since when DH started coming to these things he wasn’t allowed in at all even though he and I had been dating longer than this guy had even been a passing thought to the family.

Totally different situation from yours… I just don’t get why we can’t have a compromise.

Post # 35
Member
3418 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

tacky.

Post # 38
Member
3173 posts
Sugar bee

I drew the line at marriage too. Technically, and it pains me to say this, if you’re not married, you’re not in the family yet.

I always, always went ahead and excluded myself from family pictures especially at weddings when DH and I were dating or engaged. I let them decide what they wanted. Even now, I don’t have the need to be in all family pictures. If I were your FH’s sister, I would have wanted a picture with my future sisters-in-law though.

Post # 39
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@LeopardPrintBee:  I think its rude. I personally enjoy my siblings in law and their future spouses. I think of them all as family.

Post # 41
Member
3462 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LeopardPrintBee: siblings-in-law are family. The unmarried significant others of siblings are not. Take no offense. The whole point of “in-LAW” is that it only kicks in after your marriage is legal. I can understand that you might feel like family, but there’s no obligation there. If the bride didn’t have any of her other family friends or “like family” folks, then I can see why she wouldn’t have included you either. I’d let it go.

 

Post # 43
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@LeopardPrintBee:  Sorry – I think sometimes I come off as overly defensive because I am still learning how to put my foot down, haha. I’m cool with hypothetical questions. πŸ™‚

I think I’d have to have a serious talk about that with my Fiance if it was the 5th marriage of a sister and a 10yr relationship. We would either do a blanket “don’t include any partners,” or a “ok fine we give in we’ll have some photos with everyone.” There would be photos without significant others as well. A niece? Yeah I’d include her. With her family, because that’s a little strange to kick out the mom or the dad.

I don’t have these problems, I just have possibly-photo-destroying sister/SIL. I don’t want the boyfriends in because I know it will be a problem later.

When I say I have a small family, I have a mom & a sister,  my dad (divorced), and my uncle. Fiance has his mom and sister, an aunt and uncle, and some cousins. That’s IT.
These are TINY tiny families, I don’t think it’s too much for us to ask for no girlfriends/boyfriends. :/

Post # 45
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think once they are married it becomes a family thing, but before the marriage even if you’re in the midst of wedding planning until the vows are said I don’t think it’s family.

I was left out of the family photo on my husbands side on our wedding day. The real kicker is that my husbands brothers GIRLFRIEND was in the photo, not the wife of a son but the girlfriend of a son was. They wanted a picture of the whole family which included wives and my husband. I was talking to the photographer when they assembeled. They called the brothers girlfriend over saying she was family and just looked at me and the photographer and said “Alright we have everyone”. A couple weeks later my inlaws said I should have been in the pic too but… It’s whatever. 

Post # 46
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LeopardPrintBee I had another thought.  How does one define “family”?  This seems to be the bigger debate.  According to Merriam-Webster, family is only considered to be a person and their spouse and any biological children of the two; or a group of direct descendents.  In their words, in-laws would NOT be considered family, nor would fiances or significant others.  However, in modern times, family is how you personally define it.  Most of us consider our pets family or the neighbors or friends.  It’s 100% a personal choice if you deem someone to be part of your family.  I still think it’s hurtful if you are marrying into a family and you aren’t considered part of it.

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