(Closed) Are Siblings-in-Law Family?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I made sure to get at least one shot with my brothers SO (they have been dating almost as long as DH and I have been together) bc I didn’t want her to feel left out. Did I have to? Of course not, but I just felt like it was the right thing to do.

Post # 63
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@OkieHeart Totally agreed! I didn’t agree with Merriam-Webster, and I think family is what you make it.  I’m glad it seems like most people see it that way.  There’s no book or person that can tell you otherwise.

Post # 64
Member
1464 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@LeopardPrintBee:  I think it’s rude. You’re family. Some of my future in-law’s partners act like their not part of the family though. Of course I’ll include them, but I find it weird! Did they do a lot of pictures? I’ve noticed that some folks only do pictures with immediate family. My family always gets a giant picture of the entire extended family (poor poor photographer) so it would be extremely weird if we didn’t do that. But some folks do less to save time. Sorry they did that! So rude and awkward. 

Post # 65
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yes, it’s rude. Since youre engaged to be married, you are going to be family. You will be the mother of their nieces and nephews! I totally understand wanting to have some pics with just siblings and just the original family, but you guys definitely should’ve been included in the rest. 

Post # 66
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

How rude!

My sister and her BF have been together for 13 years – and will probably never get married as she doesn’t believe in it. That doesn’t mean that her BF isn’t my brother-in-law or that he isn’t part of the family. If I started claiming that my relationship with my Fiance was ‘more’ after just four years together, because I have a ring on my finger, I hope someone would slap some sense back into me.

I was once told by my FI’s brother that “I wasn’t family yet”, and that really stung. I’ve been to every family get-together with these people, spent my entire summer helping to fix up HIS house for FREE because I saw it as helping out family, and genuinly care for them as family. Being told that you are less than that, when you’ve emotionally committed to people, is really hurtful.

I’m sorry this happened to you, OP.

Post # 68
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@LeopardPrintBee:  I think it depends exclusively on how close you are. One of my SILs is family to me, and the other is not (she’s an obligation I’m stuck with a few times a year). My 3 brothers are so close to my Fiance that they consider him to be an extended brother. They are definitely family in every sense of the word.

If she doesn’t feel you are close enough to be considered family, and especially because you are not married yet, I think she was well within her rights. She is paying for the pictures, so she can decide who is in them (and that includes other peoples’ children). You are future in-laws, and even when you are actually in-laws, she is still not obligated.

Post # 69
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

View original reply
@MrsNewBride427:  +1 – I too agree if the marriage has yet to take place then technically there isnt any obligation. Hell even when you get married there isnt any obligation. People are free to do as they please (which she obviously did) but I too would be a little miffed (read: pissed the hell off) if I was left out. 

 

 

 

I have been very lucky to be welcomed into my FI’s family with open arms and her sis-in-law is absolutely FANTASIC and has been hands on with wedding planning, ideas and even taking trips to check out venues. I truly feel bad for my ladies (and some men) who have to deal with shitty in-laws.

 

 

 

Post # 70
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You’re only considered family after you’re married. My husband and I did not include his sister’s SO in our wedding photos because they are not married yet. We didn’t do it intentionally actually, but that’s just the way it worked out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 71
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

She should have done at least one photo w/ the engaged SOs…but I can see why she wouldn’t include the three of you in all the photos w/ FI’s. I wouldn’t be too offended, I’m sure she didn’t do it to intentionally be hurtful. (though I can understand why you’d feel hurt, and probably would too). Honestly the day of the wedding it’s hard to even remember what pics have been taken. There’s a few groupings of people I wish I had photos of but don’t : /

 

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