(Closed) Are significant others of guests allowed at bachelorette parties?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should significant others of bridal party members go to the bachelorette party?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 17
    Member
    296 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I am going to a wedding where my Fiance (male) is in the wedding party on the bride’s side (couple getting married are both female, actually).  The Bachelorette Party will be 2 nights before the wedding and we are both invited, but the evening includes dinner and drinks followed by an evening in a hotel room at the same hotel we are staying at with a burlesque dancer.  There is a nice natural break in between drinks and the hotel where I plan to excuse myself from the festivities, as are a few others attending.  FI and the rest of the bridal party are definitely staying, and I’m sure a few others may as well.  Perhaps you can do something like this that will include Out of Town guests for dinner or whatever, then split off to a smaller group for other activities.  

    Post # 18
    Member
    2189 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think it depends if you are friends with them or not….when it comes to the wedding then obviously inviting their other halves is a given, but bachelorette parties are for friends. I have a friend who is in a same-sex relationship and I do get on with her partner and like her, but she isn’t my friend so I haven’t invited her to my hen party, only the wedding. 

    Would male partners be invited? No! So why should female ones? Unless you are friends with her then I say no….it was their decision to both come down, not yours. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    1438 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I don’t understand why anyone would get their undies all in a knot about this stuff.   If you prefer just single people there, then their SO’s will have to just suck it up.   Why are people so afraid to spend a night alone without their SO??  

    like someone said…… I would never expect to be invited to a bachelorette, even under this circumstance.  

     

    Post # 20
    Member
    726 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Hm, I always thought that Bach parties are really just for the bridal party and most intimate friends.  I never would’ve thought to include +1s for a Bach party.  The party is to celebrate YOU. If you don’t want them there then I’m sure they will survive spending one night alone.  There is no rule that you have to invite them.  They probably don’t expect to be invited.

    Post # 21
    Member
    7556 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: Dorset, UK

    It’s normally the case that is just the ladies so your friend Anna’s Fiance would be included but not your male friend and his SO. But, as it is the night before and they have come all that way I would be inclined to include them all. Surely Anna’s Fiance would be upset to be excluded from the gals? I think that on the night you will be having so much fun and everyone will be focused on you that it won’t matter. When we went to my friends destinaton wedding we had a mixed hen / stag do and it was amazing.

    Post # 22
    Member
    2881 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    i say no. I’ve been through this with a good friend of mine who tried to bring her girlfriend on our annual superfriends trip. For the life of her, she could not understand why bringing her S.O. was not any different than any of us bringing our boyfriends. She actually got pretty indignant about it (she liked to imagine that people didn’t approve of her relationship because it made their love feel more forbidden, but I digress) and I eventually decided not to go. Our other friends were afraid to share their concerns because they didnt want to seem homophobic or unsupportive (which, was also stupid because we were actually treating her S.O. like we would have treated any other date. What my friend was looking for was actually special treatment “under the circumstances” which is actually the opposite of equality, but again, I digress). Not sure what eventually happened as I stayed home.

    Post # 23
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think as it’s your bachelorette party it is no big deal to just want it to be your bridal party on your night out. Personally I don’t think I would care, but if it will bother you then I say make it clear in a polite way that it will just be your girls, etc. and no partners/spouses allowed.

    I get that their both in same sex relationships, but shouldn’t the rules be just the same? I would not bring my fiance to my bff’s bachelorette party…

    I would suggest in the spirit of hosting that you try to come up with something for their other halves to do if needed. That way they aren’t stuck at the hotel bored and alone all night.

    @sommertime:  I agree.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1076 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    @Overjoyed:  +1

    You can’t have special treatment AND equality. I have a huge issue with minorities wanting special treatment because I am all for equality.

    So, OP, having said that, I think it’s safe to say that I don’t think your friend’s SO’s should come. This night is about you, and your partner won’t be there, so I don’t think it’s any different here. You wouldn’t bring your Fiance to someone else’s bachelorette party, would you?

    Post # 25
    Member
    2492 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    @zonabee:  Normally I would say no, but if they are coming from out of town I think you have to invite them. What is the SO supposed to do? Sit alone in the hotel room? Go have dinner alone?

    Post # 26
    Member
    2292 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    If I went to a Destination Wedding I would be fine to spend a few hours by myself exploring or if the other people were nice I would just have a drink with them. It’s a bachelorette/bachelor party, partners should not expect to attend as it totally changes the dynamic. Why can’t people just entertain themselves for a short while? It reminds me of parents who won’t do things without their kids.

    Post # 27
    Member
    4134 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

    I would leave the fiances  treat them to dinner in the hotel or a restaurant nearby. That way they won’t be bored sitting at home. I would also explain to Steve and Anna that you are so excited to have their dates at all the other festivities but that you are afraid of feeling like the third wheel at your own bachelorette party

    Post # 28
    Member
    1087 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @zonabee:  If your friends want their partners to go, absolutely invite them. It’s not like you’re getting crazy, just going to a few bars!

    Post # 29
    Member
    2865 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    @zonabee:  Are spouses/SOs allowed– absolutely! My bachelorette has 2 of my FI’s best friend’s girlfriends there. I am excited for them to be there.

    But that is not your question. Your question is can you exclude your friend’s spouses. I think you could and it would be totally fine under most circumstances, but I would hesitate the night before the wedding. Would you have a problem if your straight female friend wanted to bring her boyfriend, probably. And the boyfriend sure as hell wouldn’t want to go. If all parties are friends of yours and you think they want to go, you could do is have your maid of honor call each of them and say “hey, we are hosting a get together after the rehearsal. I know X will be flying in with you and it is okay if you bring her, but we are really trying to make this a traditional bachelorette where we are focused on making Y have her last night of freedom, instead of just another bar night”. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    768 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

    At first some of the people made good arguments about “under the circumstances” of them coming in town together, being left alone at hotel, and it being the night before wedding. But I have to agree with the second round of comments…these parties are for close friends and bridal party members only. They should automatically assume they are not invited and have a plan already. Plus it sounds like they’ll only be alone for a few hours…they could read a book or go to bed.

    Post # 31
    Member
    1306 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I’m guessing your friends and their SO’sfiancées are going to be upset about this, right? If that’s true, then what’s technically right or wrong matters less. I’d probably move it to another wknd or just invite the SOs and ask for bridal party only at some other part of events?

    For me, I’m probably having mine as the Thursday/Friday before the wedding in a city en route to the wedding location so my girls can either come solo & meet w their SOs later in the wedding city or some will miss the bachelorette and fly with their SO to meet us in the wedding city. 

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