Post # 1
I was just reading an article about divorce being a dealbreaker, or family issues, some things that are literally not the person’s fault. In your opinion, are there actually some people that are too broken or have too much baggage for them to ever spend forever with someone? I have a gf rn, but honestly, I’m not optimistic about it. It’s wonderful right now, and she is wonderful. But I was married for 4 years, with that ex for 6 1/2 years. Then I dated someone I thought could have been someone I really could have been with, but I had dealbreakers, which came down to I was r*ped and manipulated for years and therefore have PTSD, I am divorced, I smoke weed to deal with things (I am a medical patient). and I have a not great relationship with my parents…
Post # 2
I think there are some people who shouldn’t be in a relationship. That doesn’t mean they can never find love or be healthy enough to be in one. But some people, at some points in their life just aren’t suited to being in a relationship.
Nothing you mentioned makes me think you can’t be in a relationship. Lots of people have been divorced, have shitty families, and trauma in their past but can build a happy lives for themselves, including being in a happy, loving relationship.
I don’t know what article you read but I think you are taking it way too seriously. Everyone has dealbreakers but not everyone has the same dealbreakers. You just have to find someone who is the right fit for you.
Post # 3
Yes, if they aren’t willing to work *hard* on their shit. I’m talking serious work on themselves (perhaps with a therapist), their self-worth and understanding why they do what they do and how to change direction. If a person is willing to take a good honest look at themselves and make real changes – there’s no reason why he/she couldn’t be in a healthy romantic relationship.
Post # 4
I mean, there are people with very severe mental handicaps who aren’t capable of engaging in an adult romantic relationship, but I don’t know if anyone can be “too broken” FOREVER. Probably, given how many billions of people are on the planet and how many billions more have been on the planet for several thousand years… I assume ONE of them was “too broken” for a relationship.
But does this apply to you? Doesn’t sound like it, Bee. It sounds like you can get help for the things that you feel are a burden/deal breaker for others. But the first step is not to get lost in thinking that you’re “no good” or “too broken”; that’ll kill off a relationship every time. Have you looked into what kinds of resources you have for help?
Post # 5
I go to therapy biweekly, I’m doing a lot better than I used to! ^.^ I meant this question in a more innocent way, lol, obviously if somoene is a serial killer or outright lazy, that’s a definite dealbreaker lol. I mean more like people who have had horrible things happen to them who struggle with daily life, are cognitive and intelligent, but have triggers or exes, etc.
Post # 6
Unless someone is a serial killer or a child molester or something really messed up, then no I don’t think you can be too broken. Certainly not from just being a victim of bad circumstances. From your description, you seem perfectly worthy of a happy relationship.
Post # 7
I don’t think some people are too “broken”. But some people are insufferable by choice and choose not to grow. They’re petty, selfish, and cruel. Those people will be alone forever.
Post # 8
Yeah, there aren’t really too many Miss Havishams around. Be of good cheer op, if you are kind of thinking you are too ‘broken’, l don’t believe you are.
Post # 9
Not to condone, but some pretty notorious serial killers got married while in prison.
Post # 10
ted bundy came to mind immediately with the Netflix movie about him, I guess some people are just really gullible lol
Post # 11
I think this is one of the best posts I’ve seen on weddingbee, very wise words.