(Closed) Are the In laws never as happy as the Brides family or is that just my case?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Girl you are NOT alone… Future Mother-In-Law will burst my bubble on EVERYTHING!!!!!  We too are paying for everything ourselves and have not asked them for a dime… SO I quit telling her stuff 🙂  lol – it’s a lot less stressful that way.  I just share my excitement with other people who truely care 🙂

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I think it just depends on different families and cultures. I got lucky, my in laws were very supportive and wanted to know what was going on with the planning process at all times.

I have a friend who also had your issue though, her family was over the moon with planning and his family just didn’t seem to care as much. But she did realize that it wasn’t that they didn’t care, they just didn’t show it the same outward way as her family.

Post # 5
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I get the feeling all the time that my future in-laws think our wedding is a waste of time and money.  There hasn’t been a non-courthouse wedding in their family in almost 30 years.  It’s disappointing.  But I just try not to take it personally and move on.  Still, I wish they cared.

Post # 6
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My in-laws really like me and approve of us getting married and everything, but they haven’t been involved in the whole wedding planning process. I think it really just depends on the family and the way they handle things; don’t take it personally. Just because they aren’t getting involved in planning doesn’t meant they aren’t excited. They also may be trying to give you space so you can have your dream wedding.

Post # 7
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think my Future Mother-In-Law is more excited than my mom is. My moms great but my Future Mother-In-Law is constantly asking me about our plans and wants to be involved. I definitely lucked out in the future IL department. I know a lot of people got stuck with complete assholes for inlaws.

Post # 9
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think it depends on the family. In our case, his family are probably more involved than mine. My family tend to keep each other at a bit of a distance emotional, his rely on each other a bit more. Or something – it’s hard to explain…

Post # 10
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

mine’s the other way around. My brother in law & sister in law already refer to me as “sister” and my father in law is contributing financially to the wedding.

My mom & dad are less than thrilled – in fact, my dad is currently bitching how he’s going to be cold and I can’t even talk about any wedding details with my mom. sigh.

Post # 11
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@UpstateCait: Although the engagement has yet to happen, my Boyfriend or Best Friend let me know that his mother is really excited for us and is looking forward to being involved in the wedding planning. I’m not sure how my mom will react… it will be interesting! My mom was not overly emotional at her wedding, as far as I know from the stories, so I’m guessing it will be more of a strategical thing than an overjoyed thing. *shrugs*

Post # 12
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think it all depends on the family. My Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Laws have been really good with everything. She came with us dress browsing and has taken interest in the planning and talked about throwing me a shower but not as extensive as my side. I think it is because they arent really contributing financially where as my parents are giving us a fair amount of money. 

I kind of wish they were a little less excited! Too much pressure on me! haha 

I`m sure they will come around, and sometimes people show their happiness in other ways!

Post # 13
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I too think it depends on the family.I lucked with with great FIL’s. My Future Mother-In-Law has offered to help out with a lot, just not where finances are concerned because they aren’t in the position to help, which is totally fine with me, their support is more than enough.

In my situation, it’s my mother that doesn’t care. I showed her my ring, “Oh, that’s nice. It actually looks real, but it is a little small.” She’s done nothing but tell me how much she doesn’t like FH.

I don’t think I’d mind my FIL’s being less supportive if my family was a little more supportive.

Post # 14
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee

I’m really sorry you’re going through this.  My Future Mother-In-Law is super involved and supportive, but my Future Sister-In-Law is not at all.  She hasn’t shown an ounce of support for our relationship and has in fact told my fiance that we are going to break up, or that our relationship isn’t worth it, or other things like that, when she herself hasn’t had a relationship last longer than 6 months.  It’s so frustrating, and I really don’t know why she would think that.  I mean yes we fight like all couples do but we have never had a long-term rough patch or had a fight serious enough that we contemplated ending the relationship. 

However, you did mention something about your Future Sister-In-Law being in school, and being a student myself I know how unbelievably stressful that is!  To be honest, if my brother was getting married and his fiance was trying to get me involved, I can’t honestly say I would care or try too much to be involved, because I simply don’t have the time. 

I understand that you’re frustrated right now, and that’s definitely understandable.  I would say just be thankful that you have a supportive family who is involved and try not to let it bother you too much.  After all, at the end of the day, it’s about the love you and your fiance share.

Post # 15
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

This must be normal. My Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law never said congratulations (maybe to Fiance over the phone) but not to me personally. The wedding is in their town so I thought great, they can help me figure out things… especially since they’re caterers. Nope. Future Mother-In-Law told me a few places to look for venues, but her excitement was underwhelming as she told me. We also went through a spat because we thought they wanted to enjoy the wedding instead of cater themselves. Wrong assumption. They were totally pissed. Once we figured that out, they are catering… however it’s like pulling teeth to get them to talk about food or anything wedding related. They keep saying, “Oh it’s too soon to talk about this stuff”, though I’ve only had 6 months total to plan. Now that it’s 2.5 months away they says, “Oh, we’ll be less busy once school ends and can talk about it more”. Uh, ok. So we’ll talk about it when I have a month left. Thanks for the excitment… but I’m already done planning. Oh well!

Post # 16
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

        My family is also the other way around. My mom never, ever asks about how my wedding planning is going or cares at all. I asked her to get me some addresses months and months ago and she still hasn’t. She never expressed any interest in going to look at dresses with me either.

       Luckily, my stepmom is super excited and helping me out soooo much. I am lucky to have her. Also, my fiance’s side of family including his mom especially is super super involved. She is helping me out with save the dates, invites, location of wedding, looking for a dress. They help alot. Both my dad and fiance’s parents are helping us pay too.

       I am sad my mom doesn’t care but I am happy to have alot that do care so I guess as long as you have support and care from somebody than you just have to remember that. I know that it sucks though, but as I have learned, you just can’t dwell on it.

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