Are there any real surprises anymore?

posted 2 months ago in Engagement
Post # 76
97 posts
Worker bee

My partner wanted it to be a surpise, and said he always thought the man picks the ring out. However, after we discussed rings, we realized he would have picked out a pave band solitaire in white gold and I had a dream double halo emerald cut pave vision cool So I am so glad it wasn’t a surpise and we discussed.


To echo PP’s, I am glad that it isnt one big surprise. I wouldn’t have gotten the ring I wanted (and after all, I am the one that has to wear it for the rest of my life!) and it is also my future too. I wanted timelines, which takes the suprise out but DEFINATELY does not take the fun and excitement away!

Post # 77
61 posts
Worker bee

My proposal was very much like what you said in your original post. We agreed that we wanted to be married in 2020, he asked my best friend for her ring size as we are of similar build, found my Pinterest board for rings I like and then asked for my parent’s blessing before proposing in the middle of a holiday together which I did not expect at all. We live together and he had managed to keep the ring shopping a secret from me for months while he had one custom made at the jewellers. In saying that I think all proposals are special, surprise or not, elaborate or not! 

Post # 78
151 posts
Blushing bee

Here it’s common for the ring and the proposal itself to be a surprise, but marriage (and usually a timeline) are talked about plenty beforehand. 

There are a lot of things to talk about before agreeing to spend the rest of your life with someone. I’d like to be part of the decision making process, not just be caught off guard. 

It also seems kind of presumptuous to me to shell out a bunch of money on a ring without checking with your partner beforehand. It kind of assumes that women always want to be proposed to and are just waiting for any man to do it. 


Post # 79
3900 posts
Honey bee

I think sometimes we discount how much a 100% surprise proposal is stressful for the proposer.

“What if she says no, what is she doesn’t like the ring, what if she isn’t happy with the actual proposal?”

We constantly see posts about women disliking their ring or being disappointed in the proposal itself and wanting to exchange the ring or have a do over.  How shitty would it feel to be that person who puts so much thought and effort and not to mention money into something and have the receiver disappointed or unhappy with the choices you made.

and anyways, I’m sure more than half of the Social Media fairytale proposals are orchestrated by the couple together.  




Post # 80
1959 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I was completely surprised 🙂 He even went behind my back to find out the type of ring I love!!!

Post # 83
1631 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

It’s nice if the timing of a proposal is a surprise

But if the whole proposal/marriage itself is a surprise – then I would consider that a maaaassssive red flag

Either you never talk about your future/never talk at all, or you’ve been together 10 minutes. Both have the odds of long term success stacked against you

Post # 84
105 posts
Blushing bee

I was totally surprised, and even more surprised to find out he had been planning, and thinking about it, for a year. 

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