(Closed) Are there ground rules for hanging out with a friend of the opposite gender?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

My expectations didn’t change.  Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do with me sitting right next to you.  If we both follow that rule, everyone is happy.

Post # 5
Member
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think you do whatever you both agree is reasonable. If I don’t have plans I don’t see the problem with staying home while he goes out for drinks but thats what I’m comfortable with. My expectations didn’t change after we got married, I expected him to be respectful of our relationship before we got married and I still do.

What do you mean social implications? Like you’re the little wife he left at home?

 ETA: While its not a “rule” every guy I would consider hanging out with one on one Darling Husband has met in person. Thats my comfort level.

Post # 6
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t care if I come off as jealous, or whatever; I’m very confident in myself and in my relationship.

But NO WAY would I want my Fiance to spend any time alone with any non-family-member woman, regardless of who it was or for whatever reason.  And, I’m sorry, but a lot of affairs start with a woman “crying on the shoulder” of a married/committed male friend.  Uh-uh, no.  This is a sad but true fact.  “Nice” men always want to be the hero.  And they can get sucked in too easily – so for us it’s stupid to even start going there. 

Whoever this woman is can talk about her problems with someone else and leave your DH out of it.  Or she can post on WeddingBee, lol!

And my Fiance wouldn’t want me spending time alone with any man, either.  That said, we BOTH agree about this and we’re both happy/fine with it.  It’s not a “rule” per se, it’s our preference.  And, honestly, so far in our relationship a situation like this has never come up, although we have discussed it. 

ETA:  Who cares what anyone ELSE thinks?  How about what you think?  And what difference would it make whether you have “plans” or not?  I don’t see how that affects anything.  Your DH will be going out on a date with her on Friday night, if he does it.  At least, that’s how I see it.  Not cool!

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I get where you are coming from.  I think it is one thing to sit at home if your SO is out on a guys night out….but if it involves another woman, it would be weird for them to be out alone and you to be home doing nothing and not invited.  Of course that is in general – it is different if there is a good reason (e.g., she needs to talk to him 1-1.  But then it could be a lunch or coffee or something).  I have male friends that I will catch up with 1-1 if they are in town – my Darling Husband would be invited but if he couldn’t join then the 1-1 thing would be no problem.  We both trust each other completely. and nothing changed after marriage and there are no “rules”.  just respect and trust and the rest works itself out 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m sure you’ll get lots of answers on here about this…I guess it depends on the relationship.  If it’s something out of the ordinary, then I “might” feel weird about it.  IDK…my XH used to go out to “happy hour” with coworkers until the happy ran out…translated: he came home at 1 am and spent more on drinks than he ever did taking me out to dinner.  

At least your Darling Husband told you about it and asked your opinion.  I can honestly say if an old college buddy of mine wanted job advice, I’d probably tell them on the phone rather than meeting them for alcohol….Darling Husband can be a little protective of me and I can’t imagine that he would be ok with it.  But that’s us….we also have a rule about hanging out with people alone that the other hasn’t met…I’m not talking about work related stuff.   

 

Post # 9
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MM423:  Question – why can’t she call him on the phone to discuss a supposed “work problem?”

Post # 11
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

No naked wrestling?

Post # 12
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

Don’t kiss them and don’t get naked with them.

 

Ok, for realsies, don’t do anything you wouldn’t want me to see if I were standing there, and don’t ditch me at home to hang with them instead.

Post # 13
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We have an unspoken rule that we don’t hang out alone with anyone the other doesn’t know.  And pretty much never with single people.  I do have a couple best guy friends from college, and he has some good girl friends.  I’m ok with him seeing his friends if it’s one I know well, otherwise I go along.  Same with my guy friends.  If it’s not them and their wife, I take him or invite them over. 

I work with all guys at work, so he’s ok with me having lunch with one of my coworkers, but I usually only go out alone for a quick bite with one of the older married guys that he knows, or someone he’s friends with, and he always knows. 

Post # 14
Member
5787 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

@helenberrycrunch:  lol, I was so tempted to write “no cheating on me”

@MM423:  Well, it came to my mind so it can’t be too silly. Why don’t you want to go? I think theres a big difference between him leaving you home uninvited and you deciding to stay home.

Post # 16
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I love that you Darling Husband is completely honest with you and even invited you along.

I guess I am lucky that Darling Husband does not have an female friends of his own as he works with all men and the only time he’s really around other women is with me. I know I’d be jealous but on the other hand I have a good number of male friends. I think as long as both parties are open and honest and the SO gets to know that friend then I think it’s okay. I can see dinner or a drink as a public place, but wouldn’t feel comfortable with Darling Husband at someone’s house alone.

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