Post # 1
Fiance and I talk about this sometimes, but I am still undecided. I don’t really want to change my name. I never wanted to. Has nothing to do with not being proud of his family, blah blah blah, it just is that I am me, I’ve been me for 25 years, and I really don’t think I need to change MY name!
I know that if we had kids they would have his last name. I might change it by then so that we all have the same name, but I don’t know. I just really am not comfortable with changing it. He is not the type that would ever change his name, create a new one for us both, etc.
So Bees: Is there any serious, real inconvenience to having your name not changed? Fiance says he is uncomfortable combining bank accounts if we don’t share the same name because it could cause an issue with our accounts. I said, WTF? Is that even possible? We will both be authorized users of the account, right?
He keeps saying it would be a ‘legal nightmare’ if we didn’t have the same name. I don’t see why that is even an issue…we will have a marriage cert. saying that we are married, so why does it matter if I change my name or not?
Post # 3
Having the same name makes no difference in banking or legal situations. As long as you have a legal marriage, you are legally considered married regardless of the name issue. Darling Husband and I have multiple joint accounts and I never changed my last name.
Post # 4
I haven’t changed mine yet, and that’s kind of silly of your FI! We went ahead and put my name on DH’s bank account, and there was absolutely no problem. Even if you take his name, you still have a first and a last name that have to go on every legal document, regardless of it’s the same as his or not.
Post # 5
I don’t think it will cause issues. My parents don’t have the same last name and they share a bank account.
I’ll be keeping my name and he’ll be keeping his. Our kids will take my name.
Post # 6
@soyjoy222: There won’t be any issues that I could think of, other than people assuming you are Mrs.His last name =)
My Aunt kept her maiden name after she got married and she has no problem, and her and my uncle have multiple businesses, and residences..under both of their names.
As far as bank accounts go, I see no problem with having different names, not sure what kind of problem your Fiance is referring to. My Darling Husband & I, when we were not married had joint accounts with both of our different last names..never had any issues at all.
Post # 7
No issues with combining bank accounts. When I got engaged I merged bank accounts and have had NO problems.
I think regardless of whether you change your name or not officially, you will always be Mrs. HisLastName socially? Correct me bees if I’m wrong?
I haven’t changed my name yet due to laziness and because I travel so much for work. I can just see myself getting to a hotel or airport and everything not matching up perfectly.
Post # 8
My parents have different last names. We all have different last names as children and we have never had any problems. Sometimes there has been awkward social situations but not any legal problems. Your Fiance is overreacting.
Post # 9
I am also keeping my name and Fiance is keeping his; his parents each kept their own names and have had no complications (they’ve been married 30 years).
We also intend to share finances, mortgage, etc. and it should not be a problem. We’ll cross the “what are the kids’ last name?” bridge when we come to it!
Post # 10
Not to threadjack, but how do you prove you’re married/related if your husband or kids are in the hospital and you have a different last name?
Post # 11
Your fiance is probably just dissapointed and upset that you dont want his name and trying to come up with a “logical” reason why you should change your name so he doesnt have to say “but I want you to!”
Post # 12
@lefeymw: This has crossed my mind, as well!
@PinkMagnolia: Not sure, but I know at my work this is an issue when we get referrals for kids with different last names and then they change names b/c the parents are married, but the hospital will always give a child the mom’s last name if the names are not the same.
Post # 13
I thought the kid always takes the dad’s last name?
Post # 14
@PinkMagnolia: I have some friends who had kids out of wedlock and they all have the fathers name. So I thought the same thing. Unless maybe she is referring to when the father is not present or unidentified?
Post # 15
@PinkMagnolia: Well, its not law. I think its certainly the norm, but it doesnt have to be that way. For example, I have friends that just–*just*–had an adorable baby girl. So beautiful, mom and dad are so happy. They’re engaged and plan on getting married next year. The baby has her mom’s last name. Certainly uncommon, but doable.
Hospitals don’t decide what your baby’s name is, the parents do. Most single moms dont want their kid to have the dad’s name, but if they’re in a relationship and want the child to have the father’s surname, they can certainly dictate that.
Post # 16
The only problem I’ve ever encountered was picking up mail at the post office. If packages came in for my husband while I was running errands, I wasn’t allowed to pick them up, even after showing them DD’s insurance card with the same last name on it
Other than that I’ve never run into any problems with banking or documentation. Even when filling out DD’s social security paperwork they told me I could go by my maiden or married name if I preferred, even though I had never changed my name through them. Nor has it ever been a problem at the hospital. I signed discharge papers for my husband with my maiden name and no one ever mentioned it.