(Closed) Are there still feelings

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Hmmm, your post asked ‘are there still feelings?’…are you asking if there are feelings between her and your Fiance, or visa versa?!  Or, her and his family?!  Your post – either way – did not really go into too much detail about that, but I can try to offer my 2 cents on your final question.

How do you cope?!  Well, the family vk’s I can *understand* her going/them wanting her there, etc.  Especially since they have a past – they meaning his family and her – AND they have children.  I think it is kinda cool when people can let bygones be bygones, and get along post divorce!  However, as long as you are NOT feeling that there is more there with her and your Fiance, etc.  It sounds that her actions/reactions to you – perhaps – get under your skin, but I think if you can remove yourself from the situation/room, then it will keep the peace.  OR, if you are comfy, sit her down one on one, and come to ‘terms’ with how you want to be treated, knowing her being there is important to the kids 🙂

As far as the wedding, I do not see why there is ANY reason she needs to be there.  His family may *like* her to be, but your wedding is not their vacation(s).  It is a celebration of your love!!  And the union of a new family – you/him/the children.  That is something she should understand and respect, as well as his family.  Not the time or the place for the ‘ex’ to be part of it, unless EVERY SINGLE person was comfortable with her being there – you included! 

Good luck!!

Post # 4
22 posts
  • Wedding: August 2011

Honestly, I do not quite understand this kind of arrangement.

I believe that it is absolutely right to do everything that can be done for the children, so they have both parents in their lives, feel secure and loved by both of them and the broad family (including new partners). I think it’s great when people are sensible and responsible in that manner. As long as everybody knows where their place is and what is and isn’t appropriate.

I agree, that when the children are involved, the whole ex-wife matter can get out of hands. When the children are little, there are occassions when they need to have both of their parents present and that’s absolutely fine. On the other hand, I do believe that sometimes people take things a bit too far – like spending holidays together, or even having your FI’s ex at your wedding. That is just unexceptable. It would be for me at least. Your Fiance doesn’t have anything to do with his ex-wife (unless he wants to of course and they remained friends after the split), his ONLY involvement with his ex should be related to their children. Otherwise, it can only be messy and people might get hurt.

I think you and your Fiance should have an honest talk about the whole situation. Explain to him in a calm way how you feel, listen to him how he feels and come to a mutual agreement that both of you will be happy with.

Post # 5
9688 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It is concerning that your Fiance seems to be putting the desires of his ex-wife above yours.  The only thing I can say, since it has been going on for awhile, is either find a way to cope with this situation that you can live with and be at peace with, or seriously consider getting yourself away from the “unusual” family situation.  I wouldn’t be able to cope with it, personally, at all.  In my opinion, YOU should be number 1 in his life (besides his children, of course).  But the ex is the ex.  If he still wants to be married to her, he should be married to her and not engaged to marry you.  You may just have to put your foot down about this one.  Good luck!

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