Post # 1
I read this article today in the WSJ and found it very interesting and perhaps a bit excessive.
While I understand the concerns behind the article I personally am not bothered if someone wants to brag online or to my face. If someone has an amazing accomplishment or story they wish to share I am all ears but apparently this isn’t always the case. And how much is too much really?
And what about this statement… “envy can cause innocuous statements to be misinterpreted as bragging”?
I would imagine that the writer would even deem all of WB to be a forum for bragging in a sense. Here were are relaying the success of our weddings, our dos and dont’s, our dreams, budgets, dresses, rings, income, sexual frequency…you name it we discuss it.
What is bragging to you? Would those examples in the article bother you? Do you agree?
Best gift ever from the best husband ever.
Swam 30 minutes at a very fast time despite the large amount of Chardonnay served to me on the plane last night.
Got my first royalty check for my book!
Sunset sail. Turned into a moonlight sail. Shooting stars everywhere…Perfect.
Post # 3
@Treejewel19: I think it’s wise to consider the source. Out of context, not all of these statuses are bad. But, if a person habitually chimes in about the same thing over and over again, it gets irritating.
An example from my FB friend: Her profile describes her life and profession, and made it a point to say, “I’m one of the rare breeds to have finished my degree in 4 years.” Right in the profile….
Now, imagine having to suffer through her graduate school statuses. Anytime she posted something, it was always “grad class,” never “class.” She was just very smug about letting everyone know she’s a graduate student. And was very smug about her 4.0 grade point average. Newsflash: If you only take ONE class a semester, of course you’re going to have a 4.0. Give it a rest.
Post # 4
My friends don’t live lives like those…here are some stati (the obvious plural of status):
Just got meowed at at Dirty Delete drive-thru.
the second time in two weeks philadelphia skies forcibly washed me… huh
Nothing like starting off the day by finding a chipmunk in the trap in the cabin living room…
I tried eating healthy at the airport and ended up with a moldy cucumber. Gross!
Because my friends don’t live super glamorous lives, their comments aren’t perceived as bragging. You can see from this list that one friend goes to Dunkin Donuts, one lives in Philadelphia, one has a cabin, and one was at the airport. Those aren’t necessarily things other people would be jealous of. The underlying meaning behind the ones above, though, is that the people lead these pretty fancy lives (an airplane ride but with CHARDONNAY and then time for a swim [and access to a pool], royalty check = money and success [I’d brag about that, though!!!!], and the access to a sailboat which you can use at night)…so their “normal” comments are seen as bragging. But they’re really just comments on their lives…
Post # 5
@StuporDuck: LOL I laughed at the one class thing!
@peachacid: Very well said.
I couldn’t agree more with both of you.I think both of you are pointing out that the context of the comments and background of the individual is more important than the actual comments said. Which of course makes complete sense.
Which would then lead back to the comment of “envy can cause innocuous statements to be misinterpreted as bragging” which I completely agree with and have had to deal with in recent months with former friends.
Post # 6
@Treejewel19: Thanks for posting the article. I read it and I think it has some good points about how and why we communicate the way we do. But I’m a little skeptical of those specific examples as bragging. I think one and two are definitely bragging because the whole purpose seems to be “look at how awesome I am”. To me, the last two just seem like sharing excitement. I guess a lot depends on the person saying these things and my relationship with them though.
Post # 7
@StuporDuck: Out of context, not all of these statuses are bad. But, if a person habitually chimes in about the same thing over and over again, it gets irritating.
Totally agree. I have one or two FB friends (who I’ve since hidden from my feed) who posted every other day about how they “have the best hubby in the world! Love you so much, hubby!” If this only happened on special occasions, it wouldn’t bug me, but as a thrice-weekly refrain, it was a bit much.
I confess – I have been a facebook bragger. When I finished my PhD, I posted about it. I was just so freaking happy to have finished it, I wanted to celebrate. (I posted it on the Bee, too! Apparently I have no shame.) I hope I didn’t make anyone feel bad or annoyed by doing so, but I totally recognize that I might have.
Post # 8
Thanks for the comments.
“Best gift ever from the best husband ever.“
This particular comment I see as a FB status on a regular basis. I also see “I have the best husband ever” and I said this once to a girl who then assumed that I really think I have the best husband ever and blew it way out of proportion. I am curious if anyone who says this actually believes that no others can compare or if they are just trying to show a bit of affection and appreciation. I know that this was my intention. My friend was single and always complained about her single status and I wonder if her relationship insecurity wasn’t to blame for the interpretation of my comment. Or is the comment about having the best husband ever really that atrocious?
Post # 9
@Treejewel19: I think it’s about knowing your audience. You didn’t do anything wrong (unless you are constantly going on about it!) but I can see how to her it might have felt like salt in the wound.
By the same token, I wouldn’t talk about how awesome it is being done with my PhD to someone who quit my program before finishing, for instance.
Post # 10
@mightywombat: Completing a PhD is a huge thing and you should be very proud. If you were on my feed, I’d be very thrilled for you and congratulate you. (Congrats BTW!!)
I wonder if folks are just insecure and therefore view posting something about completing a PhD as bragging? Personally I never went to college but I’m not insecure about that at all. I am perfectly happy with my life path. Perhaps someone who completed their PhD and then insisted s/he should then be addressed as “Doctor”…that would be annoying!
I agree with others…the constant dribble of “I’ve got the best…” is annoying.
Post # 11
@mightywombat: There is a huge difference between bragging and being proud of yourself. Finishing a PhD is AWESOME (congrats! what field?)…that’s not bragging. “My PhD presentation was so good three people fainted!” maybe also not bragging. “My PhD presentation was awesome…the professors couldn’t stop talking about it…” That’s kind of bragging…
Like the difference between: “$300 for my birthday, awesome!” and “It’s my birthday! Thanks for the wishes everyone!”
Post # 12
@peanuthead: I think of it as people who say things like, “Must be nice” when I tell them I went to good schools. Going to a good school does NOT equal being RICH…for Elphaba’s sake!…it means I’m SMART. lol.
Post # 13
@Treejewel19: I think it’s bragging, but I don’t think it’s such a bad comment. I certainly wouldn’t find it offensive, but I might roll my eyes. To me, status updates about the “best husband ever” are just bragging about something the husband did. It’s not so much about saying your husband is the best, it’s more about calling attention to something he did. I think everyone brags a little bit sometimes, so I don’t necessarily see a problem with bragging to your friends about something really special your husband did.
As for your friend’s reaction, it definitely sounds like her own relationship problems colored her interpretation of your post.
Post # 14
@mightywombat: I agree that it’s bragging to talk about finishing your PhD in a one-on-one conversation with someone who dropped out. But if you’re posting it on facebook to share your accomplishment with friends and family, I don’t think it’s necessarily bragging. The person who dropped out should realize that it’s a big accomplishment and you’re excited about it. They should also realize that your comment is not specifically directed at them.
Post # 15
@mightywombat: True very true. In this case it was about a month before our wedding and she was asking me questions about plans, details etc. She wasn’t invited (we weren’t that close) but was asking anyway. I didn’t bring it up to be honest because she wasn’t invited. Anyway it was just one example of a comment being deemed bragging when honestly it wasn’t my intention at all.
I don’t have a PhD but wouldn’t be at all bothered by your discussing your success and completion at length. I have a BA and a BS and that was sufficient for me…I am secure in my decision to stop there. Perhaps that is the difference?
Post # 16
Look at this jerk, bragging about his PS3: “Feeling sudden urge to throttle the ole PS3! I mean really,a frag grenade at your boots,full clip off the Mack 10 and you’re doing just fine? Maybe run a few laps?? Cmon super mutant zombie or not,you’re faaaacked dude! Lmfao”
(psst…that post is by my first boyfriend ever…ah seventh grade…and he apparently never left…lol)