(Closed) Are we being unreasonable?

posted 5 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Sevyn:  Did they know the price from the outset or are they just now finding out? Because from your post it seems like they are just now finding out the cost, so they aren’t being unreasonable to complain. Can the two who are complaining get the same type of rental suit and the ones buying get the same suit so at least they won’t all be mismatched? And the best man get a different suit altogether?

ETA: Just saw you are going to suggest two of the ones complaining step down, that is unreasonable. If you insist they buy the suit when they want to rent for less money, then you should pay the difference. It is none of your business how they choose to spend their money, so them having full time jobs that pay well has nothing to do with it.

Post # 4
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable.  However, the groomsmen should have been more upfront about their budget with you before going this route. I think you should see if you can find a grey rental suit that is pretty close in color and provide that as an option.  If not, then offer for them to step down if the cost is too great for them.

Post # 6
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Sevyn:  Well then the best route would be renting suits for those who don’t want to buy. 

Post # 7
Member
9631 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Maybe it’s just me but I couldn’t kick the closest people to me out of my wedding because they wouldn’t pay for an outfit I chose. That could do serious damage to relationships. Why not pay the difference?

Post # 8
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Sevyn:  I think you have been totally reasonable. If anything I would offer to pay the difference over the originally discussed $350.

They had many options, they choose this one. It’s unfair to back out now. 

Post # 9
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

People are allowed to change their minds.  I’m not saying you are being unreasonable but I don’t think this is a reason to excuse them from your wedding party.  Why not the ones who want to buy, buy.  And the ones who want to rent, rent.  Why does it have to be one way or another?  If it’s because of the matching, I think you can make an exception.  When it comes to a high dollar purchase, I sometimes change my mind.

 

Post # 11
Member
49 posts
Newbee

I think they should have said something at first, but maybe didn’t feel they could without looking like a jerk in front of everyone? That being said, $350 is a lot for most guys to drop on a wedding that isn’t their own. I think most of them are used to the $125 tux rental and being done with it. Men aren’t usually too keen on spending a lot of money on clothes for weddings, from what I’ve seen.

Post # 12
Member
11352 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

What about renting tuxes instead of suits?  There are some very nice, understated styles available, that likely will cost less than a third of the cost of those suits.

Post # 13
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It sounds like they didn’t say anything because they were uncomfortable doing so.  That’s why your groomsman has asked your FI’s brother to intervene.  We are going to be doing the same, however, my Fiance only has a best man, his brother, and I wouldn’t dream of asking him to spend $385 on a suit.  I think you need to let the others either rent a suit or find a cheaper option. 

I know suits are different than bridesmaid dresses because they are more re-wearable, but think of how people would be reacting if we were talking about a $385 bridesmaid dress? It’s just too much money to ask people to spend for your occasion. 

It’s annoying that they didn’t speak up until now but they probably had no idea of the cost originally (if these guys don’t even own a suit they probably don’t have a good idea how much a good one costs) and then weren’t sure how to handle the situation.  

Post # 14
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Let the guys who want to buy, buy. and let the ones who want to rent, rent. Or pay the difference between the rental cost and the purchase cost, if it really bugs you that they may not all look identical. $350 is A LOT of money to cough up. It may have sounded all well and good weeks ago when it was just a theory, but now that the money actually needs to leave their bank accounts, it’s a whole other story. And yeah, some may have felt un comfortable speaking up. It’s HARD to tell a bride “no”. Like really, really hard. It may have taken the guys time to work up the nerve to speak what’s been going on in their heads for a while, especially if each of the guys thought that he was the only one in the group who was choking at that amount. There was likely an element of unsaid peer pressure going on that kept them from speaking up sooner. So you can choose to make this a big deal or not. It’s up to you.

Post # 15
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

To be honest, mentioning the price a few weeks ago like you said in your earlier post – isn’t a lot of time to come up with $385. I know when people accept the honour of being in a wedding party that yes, they SHOULD start saving up for the attire they will have to buy/rent/wear right away.

But the truth is that sometimes they don’t for whatever reason. Even though people seem to be doing ok financially, you never know what is happening behind closed doors. If something came up, and they just don’t have the cash at that moment, or they are embarrassed or too uncomfortable to come forward if everyone else agrees and they don’t want to say no. 

Is there a way to put down a deposit on the suits instead of payment in full? Or go into Moore’s and start checking out reasonable rentals that might fit into the look of the suits? Maybe the guys can just get matching jackets, and find cheaper pants elsewhere?  

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all, BUT i don’t think asking people to step out of your wedding party is cool either. Ask these people that don’t agree with spending that amount for help in finding other alternatives, can you have one or two of your bridesmaids help you look into it too? 

Post # 16
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t mean to thread jack, but I just wanted to say hi to another Oshawa bride! I’d talk to Moores and see if you can get a similary colored rental for the few that don’t want to buy anymore.

Prsonally we are having completely mismatched groomsmen and bridesmaids, so it wouldn’t matter to me, as long as everyone is the same colour.

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