(Closed) Are We Crazy to try This???

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

My brother did something similar. They had a full out wedding/reception in the state my SIL grew up in (15 hour drive from our family).  My family has big weddings so they threw another full out reception the next weekend.  Everyone got the main invite and then got one or both reception cards based on closeness and location. Close family from both sides went to both and others just went to the closer one.  There was no ceremony at the 2nd reception, no cake or prof photographer.  Other than that, they were the same. They did display pictures/slideshow from the wedding. 

Post # 3
Member
5803 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s great that you want to include people, but I think that despite all of your best intentions, some will see your ON wedding as the ‘real deal’ and the PEI vow renewal as the ‘lesser’ event, which could cause some hurt feelings with PEI relatives. I’m not saying I’d feel this way personally, if you were my relative or my future in law, I’d be happy to attend your vowel renewal & dessert/app event (lol it may even be more fun!) but there will some who will think you chose the ‘real’ wedding for your own side of the family and the secondary event for FI’s side of the family. This seems like one of those instances where you won’t be able to please everyone even though you’ve gone out of your way to try to.

Are you open to the idea of a small private ceremony and then vow renewal/ dessert & apps for both ON and PEI? This could seem more equal, but if you have your heart set on a big traditional wedding, this might not be a fair choice to you, to deprive yourself of what you want in an attempt to cater to everyone else.

Post # 4
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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thepurplegirl:  If you can afford it then it seems like a good idea. I think some close family will want to come to the ‘real’ wedding so they should be invited if they’re interested in travelling.

Post # 5
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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thepurplegirl:  We’re having a destination wedding and then a marriage celebration when we get back. We’re going to have a video of the actual wedding play at the celebration so people can still see it. This way, we’re not lying about when we got married and we can still have a party with all the people who couldn’t make it to the destination. I think this would be a better idea b/c the people in PEI will know that you’re really getting married in Ontario. And the idea (at least I think) is to celebrate with family and friends so having a party is way less formal, cheaper and can still be just as fun! I don’t think you need to do the vow renewal, that seems like overkill to me personally. But have a really great party and invite all those people that couldn’t make it!

Personally, I’ll be wearing my dress to both. I think that makes it more real IMO. And I’ve been told multiple times by people ‘oh you better wear your dress. I want to see it!’. So that could make it fun too. You can still have a cake and have dancing, just make it fun

Post # 7
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Not crazy, but I just think it is unnecessary. Just speaking for myself, if someone is having their wedding in a place I can’t make it, or choose not to do the traveling, there are no “hurt feelings”, I just can’t go.

No matter how you slice it, the first ceremony is your wedding, no matter if it is in a courthouse, a church, or a venue. All that comes after is just a party.

Post # 8
Member
557 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Not crazy, just a lot of work. And money. There was a blogger on here, Mrs. Gondola that had two celebrations. They had one celebration in Japan, and one back in the states. You might want to check her out.

Post # 9
Member
701 posts
Busy bee

My cousin had two weddings- she’s Catholic and her husband is Orthodox (I think Russian?).  They had one wedding in the Catholic church (which was the main one) and then one in his church about a month later. It’s doable.

Post # 10
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
RobbieAndJuliahaha:  I agree.

OP, a coworker of mine did exactly what you propose to do.  Her family lived overseas and her husband’s family lived here.  She chose to have the big wedding ceremony here and a smaller reception overseas for her family.  She invited her family to the “real” wedding here but the only ones able to attend were her parents because of the cost.  Their reception back in her home country was a much smaller event than the original ceremony and that’s what rubbed her family the wrong way.  If they had done something much more equal, I don’t think she would have gotten so much crap.  To this day her family thinks she chose his over hers.  Her parents were also upset because they made the effort to travel for the first reception but her husband’s did not do the same for the smaller reception.

If you’re going to have 2 receptions I would keep them as equal as possible.  Obviously you can only have one ceremony (I personally don’t think a vow renewal is necessary) but at least keep the party afterwards similar.

Post # 11
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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thepurplegirl:  One of my DH’s coworkers had THREE weddings! She was coming from an Asian family and they did the weddings all over the world to accomodate family members and certain cultural things. She was busy but somehow never seemed too stressed about it, and I know everyone still had a blast.

Post # 12
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

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thepurplegirl:  Totally do-able. My friend did this, and loved it. She actually did two full ceremonies, and said she enjoyed the second one even more than the first!

Post # 13
Member
12805 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If you can afford it, having two receptions is a great way to deal with the distance. As long as the second one is not passed off as another “wedding” there’s nothing wrong with this. 

Post # 14
Member
6290 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
thepurplegirl:  I think it’s a lovely thing to do. My best friend (we grew up together in the same street, from babies, so we’re actually more like sisters) has moved to Australia, and she hopes to do something similar: the actual wedding there, and then a ‘back home’ (UK) reception at a later date. I am praying I can make both, as it is SO important to me to be there on her actual wedding day, but, there is a reasonable chance I may not be able to (they might be having a short engagement, which may make saving enough money/getting time off impossible),so the idea of at least being able to celebrate with her still means a lot. And I’d definitely not alone in this: I know all her UK friends and family feel the same. So I say go for it. 

Post # 15
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I have 2 friends who had their ceremony and reception here in Mb and had a second reception in On, but I think their mothers in law planned the second reception each time. 

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