- 11 years ago
Perhaps if there was a universally-accepted construct of what it meant to be engaged that was based on love and affection between couples and not just keeping up with the Jones’… then maybe I wouldn’t be so “anxious” about being “engaged.”
On one hand, I know my SO loves me so much and wants me to be happy and wants to have a happily-ever-after with me… but one the other hand, I can’t shake this “I will believe it when I see it” attitude.
When, why, and how did that come to be the “what it means to be engaged” to me? Why is a man man bending on one knee with a ring more official than the heart-to-heart talk that couples should have, that my SO and I did have, where they decide that spending the rest of the years together is indeed what they want?
I think it’s a result of too many heart-to-heart talks. Over the past year, I went from being excited that my SO and I felt ready to have “marriage-related” talks to being… tired of talking and hoping.
I honestly can’t remember who brought up the marriage talks first… but I do know for a fact that is that my SO waivered back and forth between” knowing that we will get married one day” to “still not being sure we are compatible” to “dropping hints in May/June that he will buy a ring in the fall” to… not buying a ring this fall.
Make up your mind. Just let me know what the dealio is. This back-and-forth business about being ready and the jokes/teases about proposing makes me feel oh so vulnerable, like maybe I’m just not the ONE for him (if he’s been thinking about it, he should know already right?), and resentful of the fact that he has so much power over this proposal bit.
I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t see that he was (unintentionally or not) teasing me/making me feel strung along or taken for granted. Shoot, I had to remind him on several occasions that he may control when he “pops” the question… but I can say yes, no, maybe so, I don’t know… you get the point.
I begin to feel so frustrated, discouraged, annoyed by his indecision/pretense that this past fall I decided I did not want to have anything to do with marriage/engagement related talks. Maybe it was me… maybe I had become that girlfriend who just wanted to be engaged who was pushing her SO to make a decision that he wasn’t ready to make. I didn’t want to be that girl. So, I went dark on the subject.
And, then he said that he was ready.
But, I’m having a hard time accepting it on face value.
Has any other bees experienced this?
My SO’s so confused (and likely frustrated/annoyed/concerned) that I yes, I’m excited… but I’m still a bit reserved. He’s doing soo much to make me happy including telling me his timeframe for proposing, to browsing online together to get a sense of the kind of ring I like, to keeping me informed of his conversations with his parents, to talking about venues/guest lists with me… well, talking about wedding related stuff to an extent.
My SO wants me to be excited, so excited. And, I am… but I feel the need to temper myself. Can’t go telling everyone because we’re not “officially” engaged… can’t really begin to map out a ceremony and reception because we’re not “officially” engaged…
We’ve already decided that we want to marry each other, we decided that we want to shoot for an Oct 2011-Jan 2012 wedding… We decided that we are ready to move forward with our lives together… He’s already told his family his plan…
But. We’re. Not. Engaged.
Or, are we? I understand his need to “own” the proposal and make it truly special for me. I do. But I feel like this engagement period has been so hyped up that I’ll be less excited about him actually asking me and would be more “relieved.”
When he pops the questions, I don’t want my initial reaction to me sigh of relief, “finally.” I want to be truly, excited and happy.
I have only up to 3 months before I am engaged… but I’m having a hard time sitting back and waiting for the moment because I believe the decision has already been made (he knows I will say yes!).
It hard knows my SO is going to propose soon but not being able to fully express my excitement in my own way… while still being very cautious that this time he is for real.
Fellow bees… do you relate to my anguish? Why can’t I just chillax?