(Closed) Are we engaged?

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Are we engaged?

    Yes, the mutual decision and planning makes you engaged

    No, the proposal makes it official

    Um, I don't know either

  • Post # 3
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 1993

    No; you are not engaged and should probably hold off on making any plans or downpayments.

    Post # 4
    6739 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m in the same position, sorta.  Fiance asked me to start planning, which we have started planning.  But, no ring.  At first I thought we weren’t going to do a ring, but then we decided we were and we were waiting for the Amora Gem.  So, am I engaged or not?  I say, I am.  However, if your Fiance flat out says you’re not, then I would say he thinks you need to wait for the ring. 

    Just curious, why does it matter?

    ETA:  Here’s a link to my post so you can read up on my situation and what some of the bees on here said:  http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/am-i-actually-a-waiting-bee

    Post # 5
    7288 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Hmmm good question. Y’all are acting like a newly engaged couple, but a ring doesn’t have to mean anything. Plenty of people get engaged or make marriage plans without them. If it helps you feel more legit, I would just ask your b/f about the subject and about a future proposal 🙂

    Post # 7
    11504 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @BlueberryPi:  “He doesn’t consider us to be engaged”

    Although I agree with you that everything you’ve discussed, as well as the fact that your SO has asked your father’s blessing, and the fact that you’re looking at rings and dresses, and “are about to start putting down payments on our vendors and venue,” makes things sound as if you are engaged, if your SO does not consider you to be engaged, you’re not engaged.

    I would not begin spending any money on a wedding until after you have received — and have accepted — a formal proposal.

    Post # 8
    9816 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Nope, you’re not engaged. When you are engaged, that’s when you should start moving forward with wedding planning.

    Post # 9
    4953 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Some couples agree that the proposal and ring make them engaged. Some just make the mutual decision and then worry about rings later.

    However, I have to agree with the PP. One way or another, if he doesn’t consider you to be engaged, you’re not engaged.  

    Post # 10
    1991 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I’d say no.  We went through most of this as well (minus ACTUALLY touring venues, but we had several that we agreed we liked and wanted to look at bookmarked) but waited until he proposed, SINCE he had acknowledged that he planned to propose, to call ourselves engaged.

    Post # 11
    1088 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Of course not, you said yourself he doesn’t consider you both to be engaged. You can’t be engaged to yourself!

    Post # 12
    1 posts
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Yeah, if your SO says you’re not engaged, you’re not.  Pretty plain and simple.  That having been said, I was in a similar situation with having to start planning prior to the actual engagement, but because he lives overseas, and our time table was closing in for when we wanted toget married, vs. could get engaged.  So, until the ring was on my finger, I was saying we had an understanding.  It helped that he was oaying for everything, not me, which made me feel really secure aboyut moving forward.  The only thing we did before the actual engagement, though, was secure a venue.

    Post # 13
    203 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    View original reply
    @soy:  Agreed!

    It doesn’t matter what plans you are making, if one of you doesn’t consider yourselves engaged…then you definitely are not.

    Post # 14
    5982 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    View original reply
    @Blanche:  <—this!

    Post # 16
    2484 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I was pretty much in the same boat and enaged to Fi – he even proposed but with a promis ring and I said yes to marrying him when he got back from a place he never left too lol sooooooooo… I made him ask me again with my real ring ( great grandmothers) he had to get it from my mom and asked me 3 times inbetween with out a ring so I guess we where super engaged but I made him fly me to NYC and ask with GG’s ring before I would officially say yes- change my facebook status or do any real planning =]

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