(Closed) Are we in the wrong?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 15
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@Meowkers: If you told her she could substitute her guest since her hubs can’t come then you did your part… if she chooses that she doesn’t want to choose her date then that’s sadly her decision and the fault that she doesn’t get to join is on her.

I think you did your part for sure =)

Post # 16
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

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@sailor: My thoughts exactly.

Try not to feel bad. You did everything you could to make the “rules” clear.

Post # 17
8029 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think the offer to let her bring one daughter was perfectly reasonable.  I can see her not wanting to travel alone and that way it would have been the same amount of people you invited- so no harm really.  Her choice to turn down that offer!

Post # 18
40 posts

You and your Fiance have already gone FAR beyond what is expected in the way of allowing parents to invite guests. Remember your boundaries. You aren’t being rude or treating Patty any differently than you have any one else. It’s Patty’s choice not to come, and that has nothing to do with you. That’s between Patty and your Future Mother-In-Law. Your Future Mother-In-Law could invite her to carpool with her, or with another of their friends, but in the end it’s Patty’s choice whether to come or not. I wouldn’t waste my energy worrying about this. Your Future Mother-In-Law has other people you let her invite, so she won’t be lonely, and if you don’t really know Patty and wouldn’t have invited her if your Future Mother-In-Law didn’t ask, don’t worry about it! 🙂

Post # 19
5887 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

you did nothing wrong.  you were perfectly gracious in saying she could bring one of her daighters, but she is being outright rude by declaring (not even asking- which would have been rude in and of itself) that she can bring her three children.  what is WITH people?

Post # 20
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you are fine then.  You told her she could bring one daughter…I think that is a nice exception. If she still doesn’t want to come, oh well.  I think you did all you could.

Post # 21
3356 posts
Sugar bee

You issued an invitation.  The guest is then able to either accept the invitation or decline.  If she declines, then she declines.  Your Future Mother-In-Law chose who she wanted.  Don’t feel bad that she won’t have many friends.  She had the opportunity to invite whomever she wanted.  Clearly she only wanted to invite those friends. 

Post # 22
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think what you did was perfect, and you’re opening up a whole lot of opportunities for other people to get upset if you make an exception here.  It sounds like she was pretty understanding that she wasn’t allowed to bring 3 children in place of her husband.  Don’t blame yourself because he’s busy and she doesn’t want to make the trip alone.

Post # 23
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

You are NOT wrong. If Patty has three teenaged daughters, then presumably she’s a grown woman who is perfectly capable of traveling to and attending a wedding on her own. It was nice of you to offer to allow her to bring one of her daughters in her husband’s place. If she is now refusing to attend unless she can bring all three, then I think you’re better off without Patty or her daughters at your wedding. Maybe by the time one of her daughters gets married, she’ll have a better understanding of manners.

Post # 24
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t think you are wrong… The only way I would see this differently is if the friend had a daughter that was over the age of 18 and wanted to bring her instead (but then I see this being a non-issue)… It seems your issue isn’t so much the amount of people but the ages of the guests…  If you’ve said to everyone else no-one under 18 you have to stick to that rule.  I say if “Patty” wants to bring 1 friend over the age of 18 she should be welcome to bring a guest to take her husband’s place to honor your MIL’s wishes. 🙂

Post # 26
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would let her bring one person in place of her  husband

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