(Closed) Are we missing something or is this real life?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

So I was listening to a podcast today that brought up this exact issue.  They spoke about the importance of meaningful communication,  meaning more conversation then just,  whats for dinner and have we paid the electric bill this month.

Of course,  you can’t communicate more in a vacuum.  I know hubby doesn’t see this as an issue,  but maybe you could convince him.

They said to aim for 20-30 minutes 2-3 times a week, but not to expect the less invasive spouse to have immediate responses,  for example give the person a question or statement you want to discus further and wait until later in the week to talk about it.  

IDK if I’m explaining it well,  but it made sense in the podcast lol. Yeah,  I’m not married yet,  but I’m not a parent at the moment(i foster ) buto I also love listening to parenting podcasts. 

Post # 17
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I didn’t read anything about date nights in your post, so that and things like that may be what are missing. Be careful how you go about addressing that you would like more date nights / fun / romance. If it’s condescending it likely won’t improve. If you are upbeat and friendly and not demanding about it, it will be more likely to come to fruition.

We were hanging out at home and not necessarily going out on dates a ton for a period of time because we were trying to save money and it has been winter– ick. I simply asked if DH would plan a date for us. He tried to plan a very nice date on a Friday night– we were so tired after dinner that we skipped the second half of the date (movie showing at winery). He said that he actually preferred we plan something together so we did. A few weekends ago we went to the zoo on a sunny day (free in STL.)

Have a positive mindset that this can change moving forward if you both put forth effort into having some fun.

Post # 18
Member
10275 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

It’s easy to get into a rut, especially when you’ve been together so long. None of your problems sound beyond repair but they won’t get better without a conscious effort.

Have a no tech policy at the dinner table. No phones, no tv on. It gives you the space and opportunity for real conversation.

Find something to do together each night. Even if it’s just watching a tv show together, it’s better than doing totally separate activities.

Schedule a weekly date night. No excuses for missing it. Life gets busy, you won’t have the time unless you make the time.

Initiate sex more and don’t say no to his initiation, even if you aren’t really in the mood I’ve found it’s pretty easy to get into the mood once you start fooling around. And maybe for a bit you can schedule sex. It’s not especially romantic but it can help pull you out of the rut.

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