Post # 1
I just read somewhere that you shouldn’t invite out of town people to your shower (unless close family or bridal party), because they might feel obligated to send a gift??
is this true?
why is that i always find out these etiquette rules AFTER the fact?!
I had my Maid/Matron of Honor invite all my female friends who were invited to the wedding to the shower. some live in nearby states or provinces. I am not expecting them to travel just for my shower. But i am also not expecting a gift from them whether they come or not!
i just thought it was nice to send them an invitation to show they are wanted. was this wrong?
Post # 3
@dynamic_duo: I hadn’t heard this either. Since I have traveled so much/lived so many places, there’s no getting around inviting ‘out of towners,’ since I think there are only about 5 or so female guests that live in my current town. Only one of my Bridal Party even lives in the same town as me.
I agree with sending them an invitation just to show they’re invited and wanted. I wouldn’t expect a present via mail or anything, but I know it’s nice to be thought of even if it’s unlikely that you’ll make it to an event. Just my $.02. 🙂
Post # 4
i agree with that. unless they’re a close driving distance or you think they might actually travel for the shower, it looks like a gift grab to me.
Post # 5
I know it’s not exactly the same thing, but I was once invited to a baby shower that was being held in another country. It totally felt like a gift grab to me and I was a little annoyed at receiving an inviation to something that the sender knew I wouldn’t be able to come to.
Post # 6
I received an invatitation to a bridal shower in california, cause it was a cousin getting married, and I wasn’t invited to the wedding. It felt like a total gift grab, i’m on the other side of the US.
Post # 7
I have heard it either way. My mom wanted to invite everyone to my shower, but since most of my friends are in grad school with limited budgets, I knew they wouldn’t travel, so I asked her not to invite them. If you know that there is no way someone will come, to send them an invite does look like you just want a gift. Obviously, it is too late to take back invitations, but if you are talking to any of your invitees, you could casually mention that you really don’t expect anything, you just wanted to extend the courtesy.
Post # 8
No clue where that idea came from but it’s absolutely wrong. You can invite whomever you choose, regardless of where they live.
Post # 9
I heard this too. My mom told me this when I invited my aunt who lives a plane ride away to my shower. I told my mom I did not expect my aunt to give me a gift I just wanted her to know that I wanted her to be there to celebrate. She ended up not coming and sending a gift but I did not mean for it to be a gift grab!
Post # 10
Isn’t the entire point of a shower to be a gift grab? I’m torn on this, but I’m fairly certain we’ll send invites to some out of towners just so they feel included. I definitely do not expect them to send gifts if they do not attend.
Post # 11
hmmm, well i have one bridesmaid that lives in New Zealand, so i totally did not send her an invite! the others from out of town live about 6 hours away by car. i am still not expecting them though, especially because it is during the holidays. but i thought, hey you never know who might to come here for a visit or something, then it would be cool if they were at my shower. to see them and celebrate, not to get gifts!!
Post # 12
I just went with the traditional “If you’re a woman, and I personally know you and you’re invited to the wedding, then you’re invited to the shower.”
Post # 13
@Bride109: yup, that’s what i did! except for my friend in NZ of course, because that would be pointless!