(Closed) Are we still friends?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Thats tough – if you have told her that she is invited I would still send the invite no matter where the friendship lies (unless there is a huge falling out in your future with her) and let her decide if she wants to come!

My wedding is also a year away and I am sure to be very tight lipped when it comes to who is invited!

Post # 5
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I could have written this post! It’s so, so hard to figure out how to share your excitement with your casual friends without “promising” them an invite verbally! Sometimes it means not sharing, as I’m learning the hard way…

If you promised an invitation, you should send it. But if you haven’t promised her an invitation, you are under no obligation to invite her, especially given the cold shoulder. Could it be that she’s afraid you won’t invite her, feels offended, and is distancing herself? Some of my casual friends asked if we were doing a wedding/reception near them, and when I answered that I didn’t think so (this is waaay in advance), they seemed a little distant for a while.

She also might feel a little wedding envy — it depends on her own love life. I know I went through that with some of my friends’ weddings, even though I was deeply happy for them.

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Yeah, that’s a tough one…after all, things happen and friendships end. I know that ‘etiquette’ says you should invite her, but let’s say that when you send out your invitations in March (it’s only October), you’re no longer friends. I think it would be okay to not invite her, if you’re willing to not really talk to her again. The bottom line is that your wedding is two things — one, a show of support from your family and friends for your marriage, and two, a thank-you from you & your spouse to your family and friends for being there for you. Now, if she’s not being supportive and you don’t want to thank her for her friendship, what on earth is she doing at your wedding? But people see it as a clear statement that you’re not close to them if you don’t invite them and they know it’s a big(gish) wedding.

I got into the same bind with some very old friends. I did say I would invite them, but we have a super long engagement, and I think that if I can’t invite them (the problem isn’t really them, it’s that their significant others would add many people), I will send them a personal note OR invite them to a specific reception after the wedding. If I never saw them again, I’d be sad but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. If you can say that about her, then you have your answer.

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