(Closed) Are we the hosts or are they?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think that the “together with their families” route is good in this case – it includes everyone’s contributions without slighting them.

Post # 4
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Someone — and note that in English, “someone” is a singular form, as noted by the word “one” in the compound — someONE has to take responsibility for this social event. Someone has to care that the guests be addressed properly, greeted hospitably, fed and entertained generously. SomeONE has to negotiate the vendor contracts accordingly. The buck has to stop with someONE. And whoever that is, is the hostess.

So, the question is, what has your mother-in-law really offered? Did she offer “I would love to host your reception for you” or did she offer “I can give you $3000 to cover the cost of catering a reception in our back yard.” How did the decision get made to abandon the back-yard plan? If it was all her own decisions, then she is the hostess and any moneys you are paying are in fact your gift to her. Financial arrangements are one of those not-really-polite facts of life that don’t get discussed in public and should not be advertised on your social stationery. If these were your decisions, and you have been either in control all along or taking over control, then you are the hostess and just need to find some way of conveying to your hostess your deep gratitude for such a generous gift.

I sense that the waters are actually a little muddy at this point. Maybe you need to take your future mother-in-law out for a latte, and find out how she sees her role at the moment.

Post # 5
5544 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think “Together with their families” is a totally acceptable way to address the situation on the invite.

Post # 6
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Looks good to me

Post # 7
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it looks good!  If you are still uncertain, maybe casually show her the proof to make her 1) feel involved and 2) give you the opportunity to feel her out.

Post # 8
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

We included “along with our parents” on ours, and that was before our parents were going to give anything (what I wanted). Just to shut them all up, whether or not they gave anything, I included that on our invitations. Otherwise, the invitation can get ridiculously lengthy with four (or in some cases, more) names added on. 

I consider myself and Fiance to be the hosts – but, whatever. 😀

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