Post # 17
I think they can be a waste if you are just trying to make it the most fancy thing in the world. But for the normal person, not really. When will you be able to have that many people from both sides of your family get together and celebrate your marriage? Only once.
Post # 18
I wouldn’t say they’re a waste; weddings are a big deal. But they certainly aren’t a smart investment either; a lot of wedding money goes to silly, inconsequential things. You just have to mark smart choices, regardless of the budget, and do what feels right for you!
Post # 19
smith207 – I think our mothers may be long-lost sisters lol I actually just posted a very similiar thread. I’m right there with you; my Mom has told me numerous times that she’s not paying for a “party.” And like you, my mother and I are usually very close and it’s strange not having the same view on something so big.
I think at the end of the day, it all comes down to a personal choice. Weddings can be seen as once-in-a-life (hopefully!) events that truly bring everyone together to celebrate. Some view them this way. Others – like both our mothers, apparently – see them as a waste of money. It’s all one’s own opinion.
I disagree with others that say that your mom may be jealous. She may simply be very practical and, if we were all truly practical about it, people’s weddings would likely be very different. My Fiance & I have a small budget as well that we’re footing the bill for and I hope our wedding will be amazing and everything we want it to be – but is it practical from a financial standpoint? Probably not – we both have student loans and I will need a new car within the year, most likely.
But, I definitely feel you on being upset and confused about your Mom’s lack of interest; I’m trying to see the positive in that it may be the better of two evils; an overinvolved mom would drive me crazy, and would be asking me to spend money in ways I didn’t want to lol
*hugs* just try to enjoy your planning and maybe your mom will come around – and bare minimum, I’m sure she’ll be impressed w/her daughter’s wedding planning talents come time for the big day
Post # 20
qui40067 I think you are absolutely right- our mother’s must know each other or be related. It truly is about being financially responsible with my mom and that is why I’m trying not to get too upset.
I did make her laugh at the end of our phone call, so despite her lack of enthusiasm I know she does care.
Post # 21
Yes. Weddings are a waste of money.
But so is a house and kids and cars and any food other than generic. Do what makes you happy and don’t go too over the top if money’s tight. The biggest wastes of money are usually most worth it.
Post # 22
I’m on team maybe. I think that wedding related things have gotten too expensive. Everyone can do their wedding how it fits them- the difference between my SIL’s wedding and ours was huge. Hers was very traditional and formal, ours was very relaxed. They were both great though! Hers just wasn’t my style and mine wasn’t her style.
My mom was of a quite similar opinion to your mom. When I talked to my folks about what I suspected our wedding would cost (10K) they were shocked. The past year has been very stressful with trying to keep costs as low as possible. In the end we spent 15-18K, and that was with a lot of DIY. Fortunately my IL’s helped out a lot and we had savings to help pay for the rest. I wish we hadn’t spent as much as we did, but the day was perfect and everyone had fun, so I can’t complain much at all.
In the end my mom is thrilled with how the wedding turned out, but it was a stressful fight the whole time and she wasn’t as involved as much as I would have liked.
Post # 23
I think it all depends on what you’re doing it for. If you spend X on your wedding because you want to impress people, or because you feel like there’s a certain standard you need to live up to or because you’ve been hijacked by others who are dictating what makes a wedding, and you end up with a day that, while it may be nice, doesn’t feel right or represent you, then yes, that’s probably a waste of money. But if you spend that same money – and I don’t care if it’s $5 or $500,000, and you are able to surround yourself with people who care about you and you come away from it feeling unified and loved and strengthened in your bond, then how can that be a waste?
Post # 24
Maybe – they are really a big show. And to a lot of people that is important. For me, the most important factor is having family and friends there on my special day. If that requires me to rent a gigantic hall, feed them and quench their thirst, entertain them with music and dancing, then so be it. I just want to have fun and have all my loved ones enjoy it with me. I guess it just depends on how important it is for you to share it with everyone. If it’s not that big of a deal to you, elope! That is cheaper and you will get some great alone time to enjoy your first days of wedded bliss.
Post # 25
No, they’re not a waste of money, if you do them right. What is money for, if not to feed, shelter, and entertain your loved ones on the occasion of a major life change? You can’t take it with you, after all. There’s a reason that in most cultures wedding celebrations are a big deal. Looked at that way, fancy cars, big houses, expensive jewelry, video games are much bigger wastes than a wedding. This is not to say that everyone should have a platinum wedding, but throwing even a backyard party for a group is going to cost money and I really think that’s okay. If you can honestly say with the majority of your expenses that the money is for the celebration and the guests, not just for you, then I think you’re doing pretty well. One caveat, though – when the marriage doesn’t last more than a few months, the money spent on the wedding does loom awfully large…but I know that’s not going to be true for anyone here!
Post # 26
Weddings are not a waste of money. People buy wedding related things because they have judged for whatever reason (even just expectations of others in part) that it’s worth the money to have their wedding; otherwise, they wouldn’t buy them. It’s the same concept of buying anything else. You buy a certain house because you think it’s worth your money, despite the fact that you may rarely see the inside of a certain room. You buy a sweater because you think it’s worth your money even if you only wore it once or twice. Same concept, just a bigger dollar amount. Those who think it’s not worth the money won’t buy it.
Post # 27
They absolutely are, if one is objective about it. If you break down cost-per-minute or hour of most weddings, I don’t think there is anything else sane people would pay that much to experience or put together.
The reason people still pursue them, though, is because of the emotional significance of uniting two people. Family units are the building blocks of our society so it’s natural to want to celebrate in a big way when you form your own little piece of the community. And any bride will admit it is fun and exciting to have a societally sanctioned event where your “vision” is paramount and you’re queen for the day. But are they (weddings), in the classic incarnation, overwrought? Wasteful? Eassentially unecessary? Yes.
Post # 28
I do think that some parts of a wedding/reception are a waste of money. I am just not that extravagant, so I cannot imagine spending tons of money on one day. I want a nice wedding day, but I want the days after the wedding to be even better and debt free (at least wedding related debt).
Post # 29
We have an even lower budget than you, 2k. But I think we’ll be going over a little bit. My parents don’t necessarily try to stay out of wedding planning because of the money, but my dad has made it clear that he thinks it’s best to save our money by doing things even simpler. Our ceremony and reception are in two separate places – the ceremony at my sisters church which is $150 for rent, and the reception place is only $450 for the whole day. So even though we paid the deposit on the reception place, we’d still save the additional $350- and could use it for the rentals… He wants us to have the reception in the church basement which isn’t really nice at all. Even my sister doesn’t like it.
So my dad is always making his opinion known that even though the wedding we’re trying to put together is very low-key, it could be simpler. He and my mom had a punch and cake reception at the church 25 years ago and he wants that for us. I mean yes, my fiance and I are barely making things work financially at it is – but I don’t want to settle either. And I have a million people helping me make my day really come together.
anyway.. that was a little vent, but yeah..
I do think if you have a huge to-do it can be a huge waste of money. No offense to the other bees here but reading the amount that these girls are paying for their wedding sets me into a state of shock. I can’t imagine spending three times what I make in a year on a wedding, so yes, several things are over the top.
but girl, I don’t think 5k is over the top.
Post # 30
A wedding is not a waste of money. Whether it is a budget friendly low key affair or a glamorous country club reception, it’s the heart that matters.
You can make any wedding unique and special and this place has the tools for it. Now we’re not inviting every person we know or his parents know (and his mom could fill the whole sanctuary up), but we’re having what is “us” and within our budget.
I think what’s key is doing what’s an expression of you both and good with your budget.
Post # 31
i honestly think shes jealous you might be having the wedding she always wanted…. sad but sounds like its the case.
not everyone loves the prospect of weddings, and the cost associated with them, but if its important to you then no its not a waste of money. if its NOT important, then it is a waste of money….
it depends on the person/couple ya know?