(Closed) Are weddings really worth it?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
9124 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Mine was worth it, 100000%.  But we were lucky that we had NO drama – just very supportive and thrilled friends and families who truly wanted to celebrate us and have a big ol fun party. 

I think if our families were dysfunctional or the drama llama type, we would have thought more seriously about eloping.

Post # 33
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

Ug – the thought of planning a wedding while also raising a teenager and running a law practice is more than I could bear. I’m leaning toward a small courthouse ceremony in Wilmington, NC and an oyster roast at FI’s nearby beach house after. Very casual, low stress, fun time. Save the $$ for a honeymoon in Europe (embarrassingly, at 46, I have never been abroad – it’s past time!).

Post # 34
Member
4654 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We spent about 10k and while I’m glad we did it, it was a 100% success, but I still wish there had been no stigma in either of our families with us just eloping and saving all that time and money.

We delayed our honeymoon by about six months too, but actually we’re kinda happy with that, gives us something else to look forward to, and means we’re getting to leave a cold place to vacation somewhere warm, instead of going to the beach in August. 

Post # 35
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My wedding wasn’t stressful at all until about the last 2 weeks, which isn’t too shabby! I definitely would have regretted not doing the big wedding thing. We are doing our honeymoon in the summer, which I think is better because then all of the excitement isn’t done within a week – we still have the honeymoon to look forward to! Yay!

Post # 36
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Answer: I just don’t know. If I had had the wedding I wanted, where I had a small ecumenical communion in the morning in jeans and T-shirts (immediate family only), followed by a super quick (and optional) Catholic ceremony (for DH’s side) and then a barn dance and gormet meal in the ruined abbey near to my Dad’s place… then maybe. But that was impractical, and there was so much fighting about every detail.

It was a good day. It didn’t go exactly as planned, and with hindsight I made a lot of mistakes. If I could do it again? Maybe. As it was? Er… on the fence with that one.

If you don’t want a secular ceremony, though, it is very hard to get married without a wedding. The legal system does not work in your favour. If you’re secular, you can elope, but it’s not a great option otherwise.

Post # 37
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Carolsays:  If it is stressful planning then I would say it isn’t worth it.

However I felt like our wedding was MORE than worth everything we did to make it happen! We somehow paid for every little thing by ourselves and we both had such a great time with family and friends. The actually day flew by but the days before were absolutely wonderful! Neither of us would take it back because it was a terrific experience! 

I can honestly say that it was one of the HAPPIEST times of my life (so far). I think when you add everything up we spent around 11k but had quite a lot of time to figure that out. My DH and I felt so accomplished when everything was finished because we are SO young! Everyone (including vendors) was blown away by how wonderful it turned out and even more shocked when they realized it how young my DH and I are! The whole experience is just irreplacable! 

 

Post # 38
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

This is the reason I want to elope but having never had a REAL wedding (married once before already-in Vegas) I do want one. I am on this never ending roller coaster of “to have one or not”?!? I do well with planning and organizing on paper…but when it comes to actually pulling things together, they more fall apart than anything. Fiance and I are looking at houses. I would love to get moved in and then elope. Then just have a reception later in the year but I feel I will regret not going through the whole process. I am very sentimental so having the memory of all those little and BIG moments a wedding brings are something I am not ready to let go of but honestly, all I want is a wedding band and his last name. That is all I need.

Post # 39
Member
2240 posts
Buzzing bee

It depends on the person/couple. For some people it’s worth it, for others it isn’t.

 

What is plain to see, however, is that many people go against what they originally wanted, choosing instead to do what family and friends want. Because of this, they end up with a wedding experience that wasn’t worth all the trouble. If they had done what they wanted to begin with, it likely would have been worth it. 

 

Post # 40
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My short answer is yes. Lol. My long answer, is well, longer 🙂 A little background: My wedding was about 60k due to a huge guest list, over 200, and the region in which we live. Also, I’m a type A person when it comes to organization- I love lists, organizing things, and binders filled with plastic page protectors. But I am super laid back when it comes to my expectations. I loved the planning but I expected nothing from my day other than to stand there with my DH and profess our love- anything else was just a bonus. So that being said- we had an amazing day and it was worth every penny. It is the only time in our lives when almost every single person we care about was in one place at the same time. DH and I stood there at one point and looked out and just took it all, every family member there with us to give us a start to our life together. But that’s me. If a person goes ahead with a wedding due to obligations to other people and doesn’t really end up with their personal vision of how to say I do- then there’s bound to be regret. Also, some people thrive on the stress leading up to an event like a wedding or any big party (in a former life I swear I was an event planner- in fact after seeing my 80 page wedding binder I have been asked to plan for a few friends of mine lol) but if that’s not your forte, then a big wedding is bound to be a total buzz kill. So I think it really depends on what you want, what your personality is and whether or not you will be able to make your vision happen or if it will be hijacked by family members. 

 

Post # 43
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think it was worth it. We were a low income couple paying for it ourselves, and our families were not “wedding people” (aka helpful with planning, projects, etc). This obviously led to some stressful times. But both families were family people. They came together to celebrate for us. It was a treat to see my father and uncles reunited- it never happens and he was over the moon proud. My mother’s family had a happy little reunion as well. All my friends and my husband’s friends made it home save one, so we had our little reunion too. Everyone I loved was there together, celebrating with us. Unreal. I know, as life moves on, those reunion moments will be precious few and far between. Eloping was tempting, but my husband and I can have a two person vacation whenever we want. I am SO happy we didn’t do it.

Like others have said, it depends on your family, friends, finances, and relationship as to whether it’s worth it.

Post # 44
Member
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 

It was definitely not worth it for me……

The drama was unbearable and to this day I have having such inner turmoil about everything that happened during the 10 months of planning and on the actual wedding day…..

Looking back I really wish i stood my ground with eloping because I feel that I have paid the biggest price emotionally for all the drama. 

I think that this is a very personal decision that requires a real hard look into:

  • finances
  • family arrangements (family can bring a huge amount of drama to a wedding)
  • what the bride and groom actually want
  • personalities
  • friends and family support

Post # 45
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Nope…not worth it!

Post # 46
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

View original reply
@SeaTurtle88:  yep same for me…almost exactly (though we spent a bit more and had 150p but it was a 3 day event) 

 

i loved 99% of the planning (i wont lie though….there were a few moments were i may have bridezilla’d), planning the wedding of our dreams with my mom was amazing, having so many friends/family there was magical and the best part was my DH. he honestly blew me away that weekend …. i kept saying he was my prince charming and just thinking back makes me all teary eyed

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