(Closed) Are weddings supposed to be this selfish?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

mandyrosy: I think the “its your day” thing gets too much hype too, but this site (I believe) is meant to be one where brides can share ideas, seek support, and vent frustrations. I know I post things here that I don’t necessarily talk about outside of this community because everyone has feelings that may or may not be appropriate. I recognize its not always good to spill to the offending party and this is a good place to get the thoughts out in the open instead of stewing. Sometimes it takes the input of virtual strangers to put things into perspective as to whether we are justified or overreacting.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I can also agree on this with you.  Yes it is our day, but you are asking others to share it with you so you need to take that into consideration, or just elope by yourselves where it is truly only about you:)
   I just try to keep in mind what would make others happy and enjoy the day:)  To make it memorable for them also:)  I say all this even though I am not able to have a real wedding right now, but I do think of these things and have them in my planning for the future wedding where we will get to share it with those we love:)

Post # 5
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

Everyone is different and everyone’s priorities are different.  For some people (and I myself am not one of these people), maybe having that expensive dress or that certain something is a priority.  I understand your points, I do – and I am one who feels that my wedding is not all about me…but I do think everyone is different us entitled to their individual feelings – no matter what others think of them.

Now I’m stepping off my soapbox.

 

Post # 6
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

sorry.  dont agree.  in my opinion, our wedding was not about the joining of families at all.  our wedding was about the joining of us, before our friends, family, government, and God.  If it was about my family, or his family, it would have likely been a completely different event.  I didnt invite my entire family, I didnt invite children, and I had it in my hometown despite the fact that I dont live there any more and neither did most of my guests.

My wedding was absolutely not about entertaining my guests.  It was not a movie.  It was not a house party.  I invited people I loved to witness the joining of two people, not two families.  I made it as enjoyable a night as I could afford.  I splurged where I wanted to, and yes, I spent thousands on a dress.  Could I have gone to DB and invited 100 more people?  Probably.  But then it would not have been the wedding that I wanted.  Do I sound entitled?  Yup.  Spoiled?  Maybe.  So what.  I am paying for it.  Why wouldnt I be entitled to every and anything I want, if only for one day.  Parents let their kids believe in santa until theyre in middle school.  Who am I harming by believeing in the ‘specialness’ of a bride’s wedding day?

Sorry.  I respect your opinion but I absolutely do not agree.

Post # 7
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree, but a lot of times I think friends should show more love to the bride/groom.  When friends constantly bitch and complain about every little thing you tried hard to plan then it gets hard not to think of disowning them.  A true friend would appreciate your hard work and just deal with eating a meal that might not be their first choice or whatever else is the situation. 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

I just want to say FutureMrsMorgan, you don’t sound one bit spoiled or entitled to me – just like a mature person who knew what was important to her. 

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m one of those people that does think the wedding is primarily about the bride and groom. After all, it’s their wedding and they’re the ones taking the vows! They have to love and cherish each other through everything. That being said I’m a very reasonable and hospitable person by nature. One person’s idea of “comfort” is not anothers.

Also, a $1200 dress is not necessarily a lavish expense for most people. We all make different amounts of salaries and my idea of an expensive gift or item is not always another person’s.  

And if your friends are the supportive friends they should be, brides shouldn’t have to come here talking about how their friends/family/people are having no manners and act like they were raised in a barn! Support is sometimes needed. Lucky you, you must have wonderful friends to not deal with this issue. Unfortunately, somtetimes it takes a big thing in someone’s life to make you realize someone’s true colors.

But hey if you want to make your wedding all about your guests’ comfort, by all means go ahead.

For me, planning the wedding was “my baby” while my husband was deployed to Iraq. And I will never feel bad for that or feel like i was being selfish or a bad host. It kept me busy and so did all those little details.  

I agree to some extent the point behind “it’s my day” is selfish but for the most part (99.99%) of the posts here regard real problems and issues. Because at the end of the day, people are people.

Post # 10
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I think there should be a good balance.  I think it is the BRIDE & GROOMS day, but if you want to share it with those you love I would think you would naturally want to make it an event they would enjoy also. It is a very very important day for the two joining in marriage, and they should have the things they want but also if you are asking others to be a part of that we have to be somewhat flexible and open to. It all depends on the issues. There are a lot of good and bad.  Yes some people can be really hard to deal with and not helpfull or supportive, but then some brides can be really unreasonable to so it can go both ways.

  I guess I would say though that for me I want a wedding people walk away from remembering the good and the fun they had and not how stuffy, cold, unfriendly or whatever negative it maybe.  I want my wedding party to be happy and feel like they were a part of something special and not thanking the LORD it is over.

   So when I get to plan my wedding I will try to remember all those things:)

Post # 11
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think another thing is that, while weddings are about the joining of two families or two people (depending on how you think of it), the entire point is about that joining. I mean, it is a special time–a time where your guests, your vendors, your families and you stop to take note.

I don’t see anything wrong with the opinion of it being “your wedding” or “your day”–you’re inviting people to celebrate you and another. You’re the host, so if you feel like you’re doing whatever you need to make your guests comfortable, what does it matter if you spend a bundle on a dress or on hair and makeup? Sorry, but in the end, it is about you–you’re the ones in the pictures, you’re the ones in front of everyone else, saying to God (or whomever you believe/don’t believe in) that you’re joined together, names on invites and favors so really–it is about you!

And about dropping bridesmaids/ending friendships–just because some people are dealing with it doesn’t mean they aren’t mature. A lot of people do act very immature, jealous and irresponsible about weddings and being in them. It can be hard for them. That’s why we’re here, to help and support them in whatever choice is right for them.

Post # 12
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I totally agree, with both mandyrosy and wildstyle.  I am so over the “it’s YOUR day” BS – I am not 7 years old anymore, and I do not harbor a desire to be princess for a day! Being a bride is not a free pass to be self-centered and inconsiderate of your loved ones.  My fiance and I consider the wedding a chance for our families and friends to celebrate and participate in our happiness – not for us to be the center of the universe.  Furthermore, I believe that the Wedding Industry promotes the “It’s the biggest day of your life” thing, so that women will feel that they have to “splurge” and spend spend spend since this is “their one day”.  Barf.

However, I do agree with wildstyle – everyone has their own priorities and desires for their wedding.  Just skip over the posts that don’t fit with your mentality and you’ll be fine πŸ˜‰

 

Post # 13
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

peanutlovespumpkin–I get what you’re getting at. I think the problem here is maybe we’re considering “It’s my day” people as bridezillas, but not all of them are. There’s a difference between a bridezilla and a person who just wants the nicest day possible, which may be one of the only special days in their lives. I think it all comes down to preference!

Post # 14
Member
888 posts
Busy bee

very well said, peanutlovespumpkin!  diversity is what makes weddingbee great, and what makes life great too.  i say whatever your thing is, go for it!

 

Post # 15
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@cinemaparadiso: you’re right, we’re talking about the extremes here πŸ™‚  It is inherently the bride and groom’s “day” since the wedding is taking place in their honor, and there is definitely some specialness involved.  What bugs me is that I see perfectly down-to-earth and usually considerate and loving women act so strangely when they are planning their wedding.  Complaining about guests is what really gets me; they are your loved ones, they are not perfect, and the world does not revolve around your wedding! Ok, end rant πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009 - Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace

I have to say, I think there’s a difference between feeling like “it’s my day” and being a terrible hostess. Every year, my friends get together and celebrate each others’ birthdays and on each person’s day, we grant special allowances, dote on him or her and talk incessantly about them. It’s their day. Does that mean we don’t have a good time or that the birthday person is insensitive to the needs of others around them? Not at all.

I also wouldn’t agree that there’s anything wrong with spending a lot on a particular splurge item and cutting back elsewhere. As long as you’re not making your guests go hungry or stand around in the blazing sun for hours, I think it’s totally fine to have priorities, even if it is your dress or an A-List photographer. We personally made cuts in places we thought no one would mind (and we didn’t care about ourselves!) to splurge on a couple of things. And we invited fewer people in order to be able to have our wedding in the city, as opposed to outside of it.

Yes, two families and sets of friends are joining, but only because of the two guests of honor! And it’s strange how weddings seem to bring out issues that were already under the surface in friendships and show you who will really be there for you when it counts. I don’t want to be a princess, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with expecting emotional support from your bridal party, a lack of drama over etiquette from your family, or that the day will be all about you, your husband, and your love πŸ™‚

That said, I also can’t stand it when brides feel like it’s okay to be b*tchy or rude just because it’s “their day.” I’m with you on that one. Be gracious when it’s all about you, at least! πŸ˜‰

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