Post # 31
- Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada
It’s the same as anything really. You can buy a car for 1k or 100k. You can buy a wedding for 1k or 100k. We already have the house and the cars, and have no interest in children, so there isn’t really anything else to spend it on right now. All you have left after is your ring and your photos, so yeah a lot of it disappears, but my wedding is the last special event in my life of this magnitude, so I don’t mind the big price tag.
Post # 32
I think it all depends …. I was 21 when I got married and I had a huge fairytale wedding. It was an awesome wedding. The marriage not so much. We divorced 12 years later .
Now at 41, the second time around I just don’t want a huge wedding. I don’t know if maybe I got the big party out of my system or what but it just doesn’t seem as important to me as it did when I was younger .
I don’t want to elope. I am extremely close to my family and it means a lot to me to share that special day with them and I do want to celebrate our love with a party among our friends and family.
We will be having a small 50-60 person wedding which is immediate family and life long EXTREMELY close friends only.
Post # 33
- Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal
Coco Brown Walker : We did a destination eleopment for the same reasons. We took what we would have spent on a wedding and went on an incredible trip instead. When considering to have a traditional wedding, the two most important elements for us were to have a great photographer and honeymoon. We had both and I’m glad we decided to go that route.
Post # 34
For me personally, I could never imagine spending more than $15k on a wedding. That is why we are having a small wedding (approx 60 guests) and keeping it all at about $10k.
Post # 35
It depends on what matters to you. My Fiance and I are older. We’re both established business owners with savings and a house. We’ve got “stuff” and don’t want more “stuff” – we want experiences and memories. We are planning to spend around $10k on a wedding that’s basically a party for our friends and family during which we commit to each other – which is an experience that matters to us. Your mileage may vary.
Post # 36
Coco Brown Walker : For me it was worth it because I’m in a good position money-wise. We and my parents were able to spend the money and never really think about the $$ again becuase it wasn’t enough to make an impact on our lives. The wedding, meanwhile, we think about all the time and was considered a very special event not just for Darling Husband and me but also for our close family and friends.
But that said…I recognize that I am VERY fortunate to be in this position. It’s not at all normal. If I were in debt would it have been worth spending $20k in a wedding? Hell no. If I were living pay check to pay check would it have been worth while to scrimp and save to throw a party for my friends. Umm, nope. If I had an uncertain job future and it would cost me some really critical security? Forget it.
But I had already been saving fo years and had the money and also had family support. On top of that, both Dh and I were established in our jobs and were reaching sort of a tipping point where our incomes were starting to shoot way up. So for us, easily worth it. But I can completely understand why it makes no sense at all for many couples.
I didn’t necessarily feel like this at the time, but looking back (almost 5 years now) I realize that I’ve never missed the money.
Post # 37
I feel like you have a false dichotomy of eloping or dropping 25k on one day. If you want to elope, then by all means elope. If you want to celebrate with friends, then you can do it for much cheaper than 25k.
We are inviting everyone that is important to us because we want them there. We will have a meal. We will not have traditional attire because I’m not spending $500-1k on a dress. We aren’t going to have a $100/plate venue. No flowers. Probably not hiring a photographer. If we have centerpieces they will be simple and double as favors. I am having a celebration, but I am not trying to pass for British royalty.
For people who *can afford* an elaborate wedding, then it may be worth it. Personally to me it just looks like surrounding yourself with alot of people who you aren’t close to, but to each their own. There is NO WAY I would drop 25k on a party unless I had my house paid off, a fully funded retirement account, children’s education accounts, no debt, etc. But maybe some people have all that and they want a 25k party. As far as going into debt to do it or doing it in lieu of a house, I can’t see that. But you need to do what you can live with, wherever that is on the *spectrum* of eloping and an elaborate wedding.
Post # 38
There is no universally “correct” response to this question. Every couple has to figure out what makes sense for them and what is important for them.
So figure those things out for yourself, and let other people enjoy things.
Post # 39
DaniGirl03 : I simply asked a question. My intention was not bashing anyone. This is a forum where people have different opinions. If you don’t like it, I don’t know what to tell you.
Post # 40
It was a million percent worth it to me. It was an amazing day that I will never forget. I loved every moment and every expense was worth it. Our wedding was somewhere around $70K.
Post # 41
Well I guess “worth it” is subjective to each couples wants/desires/budget/lifestyle.
Darling Husband and I already owned a home, our cars, I own a business, and Darling Husband is very established in his career. We didn’t really have anything we were “saving” for so to speak, so we opted to have a big wedding. We took what my parents generously gifted us and added to it to have a big blowout. We decided from the beginning if we were going to do it and spend any amount of money, we were going to go all out and do it the way we wanted. It was a blast and everyone loved it, but honestly I would have been just as happy having a destination wedding somewhere.
If we had not owned a home and been financially secure we would have never had the wedding we had. Likewise if we already had kids I wouldn’t have had such a big expensive wedding. I personally just wouldn’t have felt like it was a responsible thing to do.
I have close friends who opted to have big expensive weddings they couldn’t afford because they didn’t want to miss out while “everyone else was doing it”. Fast forward a few years and they’re still renting while everyone else either already owns homes and some of us who have sold our homes and are onto building a house. A couple of them have openly admitted they regret spending so much on the wedding instead of saving for the future.
Post # 42
For us, the marriage was more important than the wedding. We only spent a few thousand on the wedding, not even close to the average 20k or whatnot. We could have afforded a bigger wedding, but there are better things to spend that money on.
Post # 43
There are very few milestones to celebrate in life: birth, graduation, marriage, 50th birthday, and 50th anniversary. Nobody celebrates adult birthdays anymore. People barely spend holidays with their families. Everyone’s too busy working.
I never used to think weddings were important, everyone in my family eloped so they didn’t care. But when my grandma was in hospice she cried that she would never see me in a wedding dress- and I realized weddings are important events for families. They bring families together. And love deserves to be celebrated, everyone does!
Post # 44
psyche1978 : this is where we are at too. We are mid-thirties and have most of the things we need. What we want is an experience. You can’t take material possessions with you to the grave when you die but I will always have the beautiful memories of our wedding day. I’m very resourceful and my partner and I are good shoppers. I’m confident we can get what we want for our wedding in our budget. Im super careful with money and have had a healthy respect for it my whole life. So I feel I can spend a little on this event.
Post # 45
yupmarried : Beautifully said. This is how I feel about it more and more too. I’m also from a family where most people eloped and I never dreamed of a big wedding. But at its core, I think the idea of bringing your family and friends together and celebrating love is pretty great.