Post # 61
I was not very interested in weddings at all before I got engaged, but my mom and sister took over and I wound up with a fairly large (150 guest) semi elaborate, but quite casual wedding. The day actually ended up being much more meaningful to me than I ever could have imagined. Having all of our friends and family there celebrating and supporting our marriage meant SO much.
That said – If I had to fund it all and plan it all myself I would have done it VERY differently. I would have only had close family and friends and cut down on decor a lot.
If you can’t do a small, affordable close friends and family thing though, then eloping is totally fine as well. It’s definitely never worth plunging into debt for.
Post # 62
beevincent18 : yes girl! Do everything that makes you happy on your big day! We all deserve to be celebrated 😊
Post # 63
Personally, I would say no. My fiance and I orginally planned to elope at san francisco city hall because we didnt want to pay for a wedding. However, once my mom heard of our plans she offered us $5,000 for a very small wedding with just immediate family and very close friends, so I agreed. However, there’s no way in hell I’d pay $5000 of my own money for just a day. All I care about is my bomb honeymoon that we get to take after 🙂
Post # 64
Not personally worth it for me, I was thinking a small wedding with immediate and some extended family but still all told it cost more than we wanted to spend… We will be having something small. No over the top decorations. Backyard, immediate family. Bring a lawn chair.
The big formal hooplah for everyone else’s benefit is not our thing. A simple backyard dinner I can make myself is what I want.
Post # 65
I felt it was worth the expense but I can completely understand why others wouldn’t feel the same.
I wasn’t one that dreamed of my wedding from the time I was 5. In fact, I thought weddings were a waste of money. When I was engaged the first time, I wanted a small, intimate wedding and my ex was the one that wanted the big party. We didn’t have a ton planned when we broke up, but I was humbled by how happy our families were that we actually were having a wedding. I was surprised that they were so looking forward to celebrating with us.
My husband didn’t think he would get married. He spent his 20s and early 30s in med school, then residency then fellowship so marriage was the furthest thing from his mind. He told me he knew on our third date that he was going to marry me. Once we started discussing weddings, I was surprised again that he wanted the big formal wedding and reception. We compromised and had about 120 guests. Part of the reason he wanted the big party was because he works in the ER and sees how fragile life is. Life is worth celebrating. Now if we were in a position where we couldn’t afford the wedding we wanted, we would have compromised as I feel there are ways to have a beautiful wedding on a budget. We got married in April and when we saw DH’s family at Thanksgiving (they live out of state), all everyone talked about was how wonderful our wedding is. Even though most of his family lives close to each other, it seems like everyone is so busy that the only time people get together is for weddings and funerals. DH’s grandmother had a stoke right after Thanksgiving, and though she is expected to recover, it’s great that we have those memories.
I don’t judge what people want to spend their money on. Some people would rather take a fabulous vacation, some want a luxury car and others want to spend that money on their home. Hey, whatever works for you! I look back on our wedding photos with fondness and know I would have regretted not having the big party.
Post # 66
Well… first off, I am a military bride. We had to elope this past summer so that I could join my husband when he got orders to go out of the country. However, we are still planning to have our big bash next year. Yes, it’s expensive. And yes, it seems excessive to me at times. Perhaps it’s even a little goofy to go through all the motions even though we are already legally married. But for us, it just makes sense. It is the first marriage for us both, and it’s really important for us to be surrounded by our friends and family, and to have a bonafide Christian marriage. Our elopement was sweet, and it will always be special to me. I wouldn’t take it back for anything. But I will say that I think I will equally treasure the day when we say our vows with everyone we love present. As far as how extravagant it has to be, that, of course, is up to you. I am splurging a little on things I wouldn’t normally because it’s something you (in theory) only do once. We will always have that perfect day to look back on. And when I say splurge, I don’t necessarily mean maxing out credit cards and taking out a second mortgage, I just mean spending a little more on my dress and other details than I originally planned, because those details make it more special to me.
Post # 67
minimalistbeex : Your comment really hit home for me as well. Not only did I never get a party, my brothers, especially my oldest brother always did since he did everything first. My oldest brother had a huge 6th grade graduation party. Both sides of the family there, rented out a restaurant, gifts and food galore. When I graduated 6th grade, it was just my parents and brothers and after the ceremony, they said “so you want to get pizza or something?” I didn’t even attend my high school or college graduation ceremonies because I figured no one would care. I’ve always felt I wasn’t worth celebrating and I’m using my wedding to change that! It surprised me because everyone is so excited and happy for me and my parents were quick to help pay for it all. No one should feel surprised that their family and friends are ecstatic for them.
So far, definitely worth it.
Post # 68
I have very similar stories. I remember by brother’s high school graduation. We have pictures from it with everyone in the family in his cap and gown. When it was my turn to walk at graduation, I remember seeing my father in the stands clapping for me when I walked back to my seat after getting my diploma. My last name starts with a ‘W’ so I was one of the last ones in class. Right when I got back to my seat it was time to throw our caps up into the air. After I did, I went to look for my dad and he was gone. He had driven home and didn’t bother staying for pictures. I asked him why he didn’t stay and he said he didn’t want to sit in traffic.
When it was time for me to graduate from college I didn’t bother attending the large graduation or my department graduation because I didn’t think anyone would even want to attend. Every time my birthday rolled around I would be conveniently out of town because I didn’t want the disappointment of my family not wanting to celebrate with me.
Everyone deserves to be celebrated. Celebrate the little things: an good grade on a paper, that raise you even knew you were getting, birthdays, weddings and love in general. When you start a family you can make sure YOU celebrate THEM. Weddings are just the beginning! 🙂
Post # 69
- Wedding: May 2017 - the garden house, seattle
it was worth what we paid to be surrounded by people we love on the most important day either of us has ever had. we were lucky enough to have all the things we wanted: plantable save-the-dates, whimsical invitations, a charming old house to get married in, really really good food, very nice sparkling wine, an unusual cake, meaningful favors, a beautiful dress, silver shoes, mermaid hair, a pretty headband, a fitted brocade jacket and tailored pants for him, couches for people to sit on and talk while eating tiny food and drinking fizzy wine – all of those things just underscored what a beautiful, special, magical day it was.
neither of us have much in the way of birth family, so our guest list consisted of the members of our custom-built family, the people who have stood by each of us through some pretty difficult situations. we wanted to thank them for their love and support over the years and their joy in our love by giving them the best party we could throw, and i don’t regret a thing except maybe the speaker not working during the reception. 🙂
Post # 70
- Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York
I’ve been wondering the same thing, Bee! Especially because the state we’re getting married in is incredibly expensive and the cost of our wedding keeps growing. I’ve never had enough money to travel through Europe (or anywhere else outside of the U.S and Canada!), so it’s very tempting to have a simple courthouse wedding and use $17,000+ to travel the world. It would be an AMAZING honeymoon. But, it’s important to Fiance to have all of his family there when we marry, and part of me wonders if I would regret not having the traditional wedding.