(Closed) Are written Thank You cards a must?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Personally, I actually really hate talking on the phone, so writing a thank you note is better to me. However, I don’t think there is anything wrong with picking up the phone and making a “thank you” phone call. I think it needs to be sincere, longish, and personal to “count” (because, let’s me honest, part of the thing with thank you cards is that everyone knows they are a hassle, but we appreciate the hassle gesture). Message on voice mail doesn’t “count”.

Post # 4
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think it is totally fine to call or speak in person and thank people that you feel like you want to talk to, but I have to say that I think it is imperative that you send Thank You notes as well.  Maybe they’ll be a little more natural for you if you have already spoken to the guest about the gift and can refer to something from your conversation.  There may be some guests who don’t care whether or not they receive a note, but I have been to 2 weddings where the B&G didn’t send notes and people are still talking about it…Why risk offending someone?

Post # 5
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Even though you don’t “like” to write thank-you cards, they really are expected for wedding gifts. It kind of looks bad on you if you don’t send them. Even if some people act surprised to get them, some will think that you are rude for not sending them

We are planning on writing them as we open gifts (we are opening them just the 2 of us during the week after the wedding). Can you split the thank-you’s with your husband? My FH has agreed to write the thank-you’s for his family and friends, and I will write them for my family and friends.

Post # 6
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee

If you’re not going to write cards, I think personal calls would be lovely. We wrote cards for everyone, but I also made a point to thank people in person too when we saw them. One gift was a hotel voucher so after we’d used it I wrote the person an email to say thankyou again, so I could gush about what a great weekend we’d had thanks to their generosity. I like getting cards and would prefer that to receiving a call (because I wouldn’t know how to respond to a call…you’re welcome? No worries? Don’t mention it?) but you know your guests and what they would appreciate. I would send cards to the people you don’t call though. If you actually mean the words you write on them (and they are actually hand written and not some template letter you’ve printed off for everyone), they can’t come across as insincere, so don’t worry about that.

PS I think people were probably surprised to get a thankyou card from you because it seems to be a dying art! I am always pleasantly surprised to get one in the mail.

Post # 7
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think that thank you cards are a must and I am offended when I do not receive one for a gift that I have given.  Even if you don’t like to write them that are a nice way to let everyone know that you appreciate the thought behind the gift.  Splitting them, like Ms Mini mentioned, is a great idea and a way for you not to have write all the cards yourself.  Maybe you could promise yourself a mani after writting all the cards as a reward to yourself?

Post # 8
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

One thing to remember- even though you feel like you’re being really redundant writing the same thing over and over, you are the only one who sees ALL the cards.  The guests only get one, so they would never know if it is really similar to all the other ones you sent out…

Post # 9
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Writing thank you notes isn’t anyone’s favorite thing to do, but I really think it is rude not to write them. I had to start writing thank you cards when I was nine for all of my Christmas or birthday presents and boy did I always pitch a fit-but now I am the best thank you card writer.

You don’t have to make anything sould cliche. Just say “thank you so much for the blah blah blah, it will look great in the blah blah blah. It was so nice to see you at the wedding, and it really meant a lot that you were there.” That’s it. Just use the same format for each one-it doesn’t matter if they sounds the same only the person you wrote to will read them. You’ll be done in no time! Mine are a little longer but they don’t need to be.  It’s a nice gesture and I also think a necessary one.

Post # 10
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes, you have to send them.  I feel very strongly about this and I cannot believe that some people never send Thank You notes.   Your guests will expect them and many people will be offended if they don’t get one in a timely manner.   They spent time and money choosing a gift for you and should be thanked properly.  Plus, many people also consider the card as a recognition that you actually received their gift.  I know that you want to call people and I think that is wonderful, but you really do need to send the thank you cards as well (and in a prompt manner – I don’t agree with the 1 year rule).  I know many people who take great offense to not receiving a thank you note and will remember it forever (I know that sounds harsh but its true). 

Its actually ok if they start to sound the same to you…your guests are only reading their own 🙂

Post # 11
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

yup

Post # 12
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think that they are very important, a necessary bore, just do 10 or so a night and you’ll be done in no time!

 

 

Post # 13
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If you did a poll, I’m fairly confident that 95% would say YES, written thank you’s are imperative.

Post # 14
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

Write a note and your gift giver will know that you appreciate their thoughtfulness!

Post # 15
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Yes, write a note. Think about what you would say to them on the phone, and put it on the note. Thank them for the gift, say what you will use it for (or if it’s obvious, taylor it to make it personal like for cereal bowls say the two of you are looking forward to starting each day with a healthy breakfast together). Add a line about how much you appreciated seeing them and/or how you look forward to seeing them at another time (upcoming family gathering, your annual summer trip with the girls, etc.).

Post # 16
Member
7421 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think they are a must.

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