(Closed) are you a good influence on your spouse?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I mean I understand where people are coming from, but it’s not my responsibility to make my Darling Husband a better person.  I married him because I like him the way he is.  I mean don’t get me wrong I want him to be happy so I will push him to do what makes him happy, but other than that it’s his life and he can do whatever he wants.  It’s not my fault if he does something that makes his mother upset.

Post # 5
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

When he asks my opinion on things I usually encourage him to do what I think is best (spend less, save more, go to the better school ect.) but not always. I’ve told him a few times that he should go out when he maybe shouldn’t (to see friends he hasn’t seen in a long time but has something impoortant the next day) or to stay in with me when he should have gone out (I end up going to sleep early and then he’s bored). I usually tell him to do what I think will make him happier in the long rung. OP, if your husband wants to go to college, then encourage him. If he doesn’t and he’s doing just fine without the degree, then I wouldn’t push him to go.

Post # 6
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I push him to better himself when it is something that effects me too..such as saving money/budgeting. I try to encourage him to return to school (neither of us have degrees) but I don’t “push”. I leave family matters on his side to his mother, and I ask him to visit mine with me since it is something that, once again, effects me. Usually he is pretty willing to go since he gets along with everyone really well, and when he doesn’t want to go I don’t force him.

Post # 7
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We got married because we love each other just as we are, but we also know that everyone has room for growth. So there’s unconditional love but we also push each other to reach goals as individuals and as a couple… if that makes any sense?

Post # 8
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m not married yet but I have been with my Fiance for almost 5 years so I think I have some perspective on this…I hope we are both a good influence on each other, meaning that I hope we both inspire and encourage one another to reach our full potential. But I don’t think of it as “pushing” (which implies you are trying to control or force) as much as encouraging/supporting.

At the same time, we do love and accept each other for who we are and where we are at. But we are both very driven people…so part of accepting each other is recognizing that ambition and desire to succeed, and trying to support each other in that pursuit.

Ultimately, it sounds like you do accept your husband for who he is. So I think, like PP said, you need to consider what he wants/what are his goals/what will make the two of you happy, and find a way to support whatever that is. 

Post # 9
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My SO and I have been together for four years and I do think we’re good influences on one another. I’m really high-strung, but very motivated and driven. I’m type A and on top of everything. My SO is super relaxed, but not the best planner. My mom has always said I’m so much calmer when I’m with him. It’s like he takes me down a notch…he helps me relax a little bit. I’m the one who is behind him, helping him plan for things and be motivated to get things done. So I think we do bring out qualities in each other that are harder for us to do on our own. 

Post # 10
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think we push each other a lot, actually, but only toward things we know the other person wants but needs support to pull off. I don’t think of it as pushiness but more as being supportive and trying to help remove obstacles that are standing in the others way. 

Post # 11
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

@emilygrace07:  That’s a great attitude – we should all try to be more accepting of our partners.

 

At the same time, my SO and I bring out the best in each other by helping each other further develop and express the good qualities we already have – as opposed to changing each other. For example, he knows that I like meeting people, but I’m also shy… so he encourages me to be myself.

Post # 12
Member
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think there is a difference between bring out the best in someone, and trying to “fix them. My husband is a great influence, he helped me become a much more laid back person but he never forced it on me – just being around him makes me want to be a better person, instead of him making me feel like I’m not enough. 

Given this economy, I think you need to know what you are going to do with your degree before you take out all those loans. I would not get a degree now just for the sake of getting a random degree. If he has a job that he is happy with that doesn’t require a degree and he is contributing, great. If what he wants to do with his life requires a degree, then I would encourage it 1000%. We are in a different time than our parents, where a degree might not guarantee a living. This isn’t to say I’m not a huge fan of higher education, but if you are going to pay for it you really have to want it for yourself. 

 

Post # 13
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I admittedly push him, a lot.  It’s one of the things he loves about me.  I only push him to do things he wants to do, though, not things I solely want him to do, if that makes sense.

Post # 14
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

we influence each other 🙂 but i have influenced/pushed him to pursue tertiary education, which he may not have done for several years/ever if not for being pushed

Post # 15
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I believe i am 🙂 why? Because he’s happier with me than with anyone else!

Post # 16
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Rivendeler:  good answer 🙂

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