Post # 1
I think that’s what was implied to me recently.
I’m 29 years old, turning 30 this year. Married almost 2 years. Everytime someone has a baby or is pregnant, I get the obvious “When are you gonna have one….” I usually honestly reply with “not anytime soon.” Someone said that I “have to grow up sometime.”
I’ll admit, I was never the most mature person. I’m the baby of my family; people have a tendency to baby me as well. I don’t have a license (new yorker here). I experienced things a lot later than my peers (first boyfriend at 17, lost the v-card at 19). But I also am the only kid out of my family to get their degree. I hold down a job. My husband and I work and pay bills, etc.
I mean I’m not even sure those things constitute what being an Adult means. But if I don’t have a KID, am I not still an adult?
By the way, we want children, just not right now. What do you guys think?
Post # 3
Some people don’t have children at all. Yes, you are in fact a “grown-up.”
Post # 4
Some people do not want kids because they are immature, just like some people want kids because they are immature. The two don’t always go together. Everyone has their own reasons for wanting, or not wanting, children, and no choice is inherently childish or immature.
ETA: And no, you are not a kid.
Post # 5
I used to not want kids, and my coworker called me selfish for it.
People can be very judgmental about other people’s reproductive decisions.
Post # 6
If having kids is what makes me a grown up, I am firmly entrenched in immaturity (and happy about it).
Seriously, that’s ridiculous. Having children is not the end-all-be-all of maturity and anyone who tells you otherwise is just being a smug jerk. Similarly, I am the only degree-holder in my family, I am pursuing a research PhD (which is essnentially school + job) while my husband pursues his own career, we pay our own bills and we are independent caretakers of each other and ourselves. We’re adults.
Post # 7
Yes, of course. I am unable to have children, it doesn’t make me less of an adult. I’ve also realized I don’t want children via other means (egg donation and IVF, surrogacy, adoption) and my husband feels the same. Not having children doesn’t make someone not an adult just like a teenager becoming a parent doesn’t make them an adult, it just forces them to make adult decisions before they should and before they have a fully matured adult brain.
Post # 8
Having children does not make you an adult. Some people are always going to have something to say about your reproductive choices. FH and I are CBC and we get all kinds of remarks about how selfish we are and how we aren’t a real family or that we shouldn’t even bother getting married…
Post # 9
I know many women in their 40s who are quite grown up..have PhDs, have owned multi-million dollar companies and don’t have kids. Having children has nothing to do with being a grown up. It’s a shaming comment that should be ignored.
Post # 10
There are different definitions of adulthood, but none involve having a child.
From what you described, yes, you seem to be a mature adult. But someone who tells you to “grow up” because you don’t have a child, is not. I would tell him/her, “I’m 30 years old, married, have a job, pay my bills, and treat people with respect. I don’t need a child to reassure myself that I am an adult.”
Post # 11
Wow, can’t believe the audacity of some people!! Of course you’re an adult, whether you have kids, don’t have kids, or choose to have kids later. There’s a lot more to life than just being a mom … and, yes, I am a mother.
Post # 12
HA If that’s true, I will never grow up.
Not that that sounds so bad… Does that mean I get to not develop wrinkles either? ;D
I admit FH’s and my lifestyle is not what a lot of people think of as the traditional life script type of lifestyle, and so it doesn’t come off to some as being “mature.” But personally what I think of as mature is not just doing what everyone else does/what is expected/what seems like it’s “next,” but honestly looking at your options and analyzing carefully what’s right for YOU. One size life does not fit all, and choosing something that fits who you are and what you want is certainly not immature.
I wish I had learned this earlier, I probably would have gotten a lot more out of college or even possibly not gone.
Post # 13
my husband and i always say jokingly that we aren’t officially grown ups until we have kids. but we don’t actually believe that anyone who doesn’t have or want kids is immature or selfish or not an adult. that’s stupid. lol
Post # 14
@LadyLuna711: I think you’re a grown up when you reach adulthood, and/or are supporting yourself, working, studying etc – regardless of whether or not you have kids.
It’s ridiculous to assume that you only ‘grow up’ when you have kids! I don’t have kids, and I don’t want kids. My best friend knows this, but still asks when I’ll produce a playmate for her baby. This offends me. Not everyone wants the same thing, and for a host of different reasons.
I get that parenthood changes things, but it doesn’t mean that a life with or without kids is far superior to another. People are allowed to make their own decisions about children – when to have them, or whether to have them!
Post # 15
(Face palm) That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.
Whoever said that to you is just resentful and pea green with envy because you are free and not saddled down by babies and diapers….because you’re smart and you’re waiting to have kids when you’re ready.
I’m 51 years old, no kids by choice, and I’m definitely grown up! A little more grown up than I would like, LOL!
Post # 16
Yes, you’re an adult. Anyone saying otherwise is ridiculous.