Post # 77
My parents close friends adopted 2 children, they have no bio children. The kids are 27 and 30 now, but growing up I had no idea they were adopted until my mom was talking about the girl’s weight and how she had tried everything to lose weight and couldn’t, and she said she wondered it if was genes or a medical problem and its sad she doesn’t know because she is adopted and doesnt know her family history! I remember being blown away! Both of the kids knew they were adopted and neither of them have a problem with it and didnt have any “teenage angst”. They are both very close to their adoptive parents, there is no difference between my family and theirs. The girl got pregnant and when the baby was a few months old her husband died of cancer. I have never seen such love and compassion within a family during that time, she moved back in with her parents. The son he is married with two kids and bought a house next to his parents. They are an amazing family full of love and my point is, they don’t treat or act like they aren’t bio family. I think if you raise your children to understand family isn’t all about biology, you will be fine!
Post # 78
Some family friends adopted their daughters. They are both brilliant, happy girls – with very successful law careers – and consider their parents to be their mom and dad. The older daughter was recently married, and had a beautiful father-daughter dance with her adoptive father.
The other family friends have adopted daughters the same age as me & my younger sister. They both love their adoptive parents as their real parents, as well. They are a pretty happy family!
Another family had a baby girl naturally (my age), but adopted her younger brother. He is was always just handful – it’s his personality – kind of a rebellious teenager right now. But I don’t think he resents being adopted.
The only negative story I know of is my father’s friend who found out he was adopted at age 30 and therefore refused to have children with his (very fun and wonderful) wife (or anyone, really). It was a childish reaction, but kind of understandable if your whole world turns upside down at 30!
That was 25+ years ago. They’re still married, they have a lot of birds and dogs, no kids. 🙂
I think the key thing is to let your children know they are adopted early on, and always let them know you love them above everything else. But that’s true of any kids.
Otherwise, just be a normal family and don’t make a big fuss about your kids being adopted – they’re just your kids! 😀
I also think that if you’re adopting, it’s probably a good idea not to have natural children (that sounds so weird but I can think of a better way to put it) after you adopt. If I was adopted I think I’d have problems with that. :/
I am sure that happens too and works out just fine, though.
Post # 79
I know of 4… my husband, coworker adopted her daughter from a family friend, another coworker adopted her kids from a russian orphanage, and a Facebook friend is adopted. All slightly different stories.
Hubby was adopted at birth. His parents were picked to raise him by his birth parents. Birth mom was young and wanted to abort him, birth dad wanted adoption. Thankfully birth dad won. He has a somewhat open adoption. He got all of their information when he was born and ways to contact him. He chose to only contact his birth father, no desire to ever meet his mother.
coworker adopted her daughter from a family friend. She found out 2 weeks before the baby was born that the friend wanted to give her up and picked her to raise the baby. Talk about a whirlwind trying to get ready for a baby in 2 weeks and traveling out of state to get her. They have an open adoption but coworker is slowly closing connections. Birth mom only contacts them when she’s in a bad situation. Coworker sends cards with pictures every few months or so.
Other coworker was flying to Russia with her husband to meet with an adoption agency. They were paired with a boy and started all the paperwork. When it came time to leave the agency brought up his sister and how they are a pair. So they ended up adopting her as well. They are very happy. No contact with the family, but have contact with other kids from this area that were adopted there.
My Facebook friend is the most bitter. Her adoption was closed. She will never know who her birth parents were and that bothers her. We all hear about it weekly. It’s sad.
I guess I would look towards an open adoption if I were you. Or something on your terms for contact.
Post # 80
I am both adopted and an only child…
i knew i was adopted from an early age. my parents are amazing and have spoiled me rotten. I had a great childhood. There were some bumps in the road though.
Being adopted never really bothered me until i was in cathlic school, and the horrible deacon that ran the confirmation classes gave a huge speach about ‘waiting til after marraige to have sex bc if you don’t then you could have a bastard child out of wedlock and there are too many unwanted unloved and abandoned children in this world.’ Oh thanks…i guess that means i’m one of them. That really stung and has stayed with me for years subconsciously.
I think therapy might have been good to have growing up. I’ve never been, but i think it would have helped me to address my issues earlier in life. it took me years to realized why i was so bitter to the church and felt so alientated/out of place. Since then I found my birth mother on facebook and have been welcomed with open arms to the whole family. It’s incredible really. I am one of the lucky ones, even with my abandonment issues though…
My fiance asked if I would consider adopting a child….and honestly I don’t know.
Post # 81
I actually know quite a few people who are adopted, and they all get along with their adoptive parents, I think it can be a really wonderful thing!
As one PP said, it’s really all about parenting styles. Some children can’t stand their biological parents.
Post # 82
ABDUCTORS? …what the hell?
I am not adopted but my brother is, as are 3 of my cousins. Apparently sterility runs in the family.
Not all of them worked out as some were adopted later than others. What I can tell you from personal experience? EVERY child is wanted in their homes. There is no such thing as an accident with an adoption. The waiting process is long, hard and tedious, with birth parents sometimes changing their minds. It is expensive to do. Every single adopted child goes into a family who has waited a long time for them.
In the fairness of honest,y not everything is beautiful and laughter. Adopted kids are often put up for adoption for a good reason. The mothers are too young, are drug addicts, come from bad homes. My brother’s birth mother was on drugs and drank the entire pregnancy. We had no idea. He has a list of acronymns a page long that are wrong with him. I’m not trying to scare you off (there is a LOT more than that)
The adoption process is broken. So many people want a child but there are so many hoops to jump through. I have seen enough to know it can go both ways.
Post # 83
I am adopted and I am so, so thankful for my amazing family. My parents adopted me when I was a baby (they were literally in the delivery room). If you decide to adopt I would caution against open adoptions (from personal experience). It can be very confusing for the children and emotionally difficult for the birth mother. I chose not to have a relationship with my birth parents because to me my “real” parents are my adoptive parents. I have never had any emotional breakdowns, behavioral problems etc. as a result of being adopted so I hope those stories don’t steer you away from it! Best of luck to you!
Post # 84
@Magdalena: Also, I know those online stories may seem awful, but remember children of biological parents can have just as bad of an experience as adopted children. I work in the social service field and volunteer with foster children and some of the stories I hear are absolutely terrible. It just all depends on the situation/environment
Post # 85
I’m so sorry about your miscarriage and the negative info you had to see about adoption.
I am adopted and am now 31 and my sister is adopted and she is now 28. We both have been raised by an incredibdle Mom and Dad and even though none of us are biologically related we could care less. I’ve always been upset when people ask me if I know my real mom or siblings. Of course I do I was raised with them and love with them! the
But we were always raised knowing that our birth parents loved us so much and wanted a better life for us so we got the chance to become part of the “P” family. Our adoption was never kept a secret and my parents always supported us if we were curious about our birth parents. My sister chose to look for her birth mother just to have a few questions answered and I have never wanted to. Every adoptee can feel different.
I could go on forever so if you ever need to talk or want more insight feel free to PM me and I can give you my remain. Adoption has been one of the most incredible things that has happened for everyone in our family!
Even though we didn’t come from our Mom’s tummy we came from her heart-grew up hearing that
Post # 86
My mother and aunt were adopted by my grandparents as young babies. Both are well adjusted and happy people. My mother has never sought out her birth parents (and never will). My aunt has looked up her mother, but they never met. Both ladies had a happy childhood, and my aunt and mother were treated just like natural children.
My grandfather died this week after a long illness, and no one ever thought to mention that my aunt and mom were adopted. My mother and aunt as long as all the grandkids showed and SOs, showed up to be with my grandmother and grandfather at the end. He died surrounded by family, and my mother and aunt promised to take care of my grandmother.
My mother is staying with my grandmother for the week and trying to convince her to move closer/in with her. It doesn’t even register in our family that my Mom and Aunt were adopted. After my grandfather’s death, we spent the day looking through old family pictures, and my grandmother described who the people were.
Family is family. Your parents are the people who raised you, not the people who share you genes. Don’t be discouraged by people’s negative stories. There are biological children who are bitter towards their bio parents. It doesn’t really seem to matter if you were adopted or not.
And as far as a PP commenting that adopted children may be less well adjusted or intelligent, my mother is an Ivy league grad with a Ph.D. and a J.D., with a very fulfilling (and profitable) career.
Post # 87
thank you so much for the insights! I love when I see new posts on this thread!
Post # 88
I was really good friends with a guy in high school who was adopted, as were all of his brothers and sisters. He loved his parents and never said anything negative about them. They didn’t always get along, but I think that was just teenage stuff. He loved his brothers and sisters, and was proud to have such a diverse family. His parents adopted kids from the US, Ethiopia, China, and Romania. They were all very close!
Post # 89
I have several friends that were adopted and they all have great families and love their parents. If your adopted child grows up to hate you a biological child would probably grow up to hate you too, I see this more as a problem of some adoptive parents just being crappy parents than all adopted children growing up to resent their adoptive parents.
Post # 90
So this is my first post but I just had to respond to this thread. I was adopted at age 12 by the people that had raised my brother and I. I had been begging them to adopt me ever since I knew what adoption was. My bio mother only wanted children when it got her positive attention. She liked to say what a good mother she was but we only saw her maybe once a year and she only called on her birthday or mother’s day. Things eventually got bad enough that the people who raised us decided to start custody proceedings. The day the adoption went through was the happiest day of my life.
My situation was different than most but I think the end result can be the same. I knew that my parents adopted me because they loved me and they truly wanted to. I was always thankful for them and I’ve never had any bad feelings toward them because of the adoption. I’ve read some of the terrible things out there and it’s sad, but it’s definitely not the only ending to the story.
Sorry for the long post and I hope things turn out great, whatever you decide to do!
Post # 91
My FH’s 3 youngest siblings (of 6) are adopted. All drug babies, adopted when they were under 3, through the foster care system. They all have lists of things medically wrong with them, but they’re (for the most part) a happy family. It got complicated when FH’s parents’ divorced, but they make it work just like any other family with divorced parents. None of the kids have shown interest in meeting their birth parents yet, but the oldest is 14 and the youngest is 9.