(Closed) Are you allowed to ask why they didn't come?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@speechgal44:  That is bizzare.  It depends on their relationship to you, but I think I would ask! 

Post # 5
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

It’s okay to say we missed you at the wedding and give them a chance to explain but directly asking them why they didn’t come is rude in my opinion.  It really is none of your business why they chose not to come or couldn’t make it.  It was definitely rude of them RSVP at the last minute and not show; this would likely cause me not to invite them to future events that I hosted.

Post # 4
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Depends on how evil you are Wink

since she’s on facebook a lot I might post “oh, so glad to see you’re okay!  I was worried since you never showed up to my wedding”.

but that’s just me.  Innocent

(disclaimer – my wedding is 9 days away and I’m cranky.)

Post # 7
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@GroovyHippieChick:  +1 hahaha.  That’s what I would do too.  On her wall.  For all to see. 

Post # 8
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would say it depended on what your relationship was with them.  DHs sister sent in her RSVP card saying yes.  We talked to her a couple of weeks before, and it was still a yes.  We talked to her the night before, and she assured us that she was coming, and looking forward to it.

We paid for her meal, hotel room, delivered her Out of Town bag, and all that business.  And I’ll be damned if she didn’t show up.  No reason, no apology, no nothing.

It’s been two years, and while I’m not harping on it, I’m still irritated by it.  I mean, I can (and have) seen her and have been polite and friendly, but there’s this nagging thought in the back of my head when I do see her going “BAD MANNERS”.  

Darling Husband knows how I feel about this, but he asked me not to say anything.  He said that some people just flat out don’t have manners, and are inconsiderate like that, but that the rift it would cause would be more trouble than he wanted to deal with.  So I never have.

Post # 10
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I seriously wonder if guests don’t understand that we PAID for them to come and they didn’t show up! I had a bunch of people cancel on me right before my wedding (snowstorm) and they mentioned that at least I didn’t have to pay for them. Umm I paid! If they would have told me the Wednesday before my wedding I could have taken them off the list.

Post # 11
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@speechgal44:  Because they called up last minute to confirm and THEN didn’t show up, I probably would ask them WHY they did that.

Post # 12
6573 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh trust me, I’d love to ask this as well but just can’t bring myself to do it.

Two people we know of were sick. One got stuck at her kid’s band competition. 

I have one person who is a casual friend I hadn’t planned on inviting, until she decided she wanted to help my Maid/Matron of Honor (our mutual friend, and how I met her) plan my bridal shower. I added her to the list and sent an STD becuase I figured it would be rude for her to help with my shower and then not invit her to the wedding. A family member ended up hijackign the shower, and so neither of them planned it – yet I’d already sent the STD so I kept her on the list.

I had to track her down, because she never sent her RSVP. She texted me that yes she was coming, but then RSVPed w/ a friend instead of her Darling Husband. I agonized where to put them on the seating chart, and then they both no-showed. PIssed me off.

Post # 15
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I suppose you can give mental health problems a pass 🙂

but your brother should have shown up!  I vote public humilation.  Innocent

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