(Closed) Are you allowing guests to bring their kids?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Are you allowing guests to bring their kids?

    Definitely not... No kids AT all!

    Of course!

    There will be a few, but ONLY because they are IN the wedding.

  • Post # 62
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I’ve posted on here already about this problem…we don’t want kids there….family is shitty….this means somewhere between 15-17 kids…..fml.


    Post # 63
    768 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014 - Kentucky Center for the Performing Arts

    @TrinityLeeAnn: We also are not allowing guest’s children. Only the kids in the wedding party (my two younger brothers, Fiance son, and my daughter) are invited. Plus I think after a hour or two we will have someone will take our two little ones away for the night. If you do not want kids at the wedding then that is totally ok regardless what religion you are. I have no problem putting “Adults Only….” on the invitations. And if someone tries to bring an uninvited child I will politely tell them “the invitation specifically said adults only and now you have to leave yourself as well since you cannot follow our request.” I am preparing for this to happen because my brother brought his daughter to my other brother’s adults only wedding without permission. And he did this on purpose. I bet he won’t do that at mines…can we say bridezilla will really come out. Lol!

    Post # 64
    5995 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @_Adelaide_:  Chill. 3 month olds needn’t scream. They mainly feed and sleep. Toddlers are a far bigger problem because they run around.

    To the OP, I’d consider having the 2 year old flower girl taken home before the reception. When my 3 year old was Flower Girl, my mother took her home after the ceremony and a few photos.

    Obviously your sister needs to be there, and I think having her best friend there is understandable.

    Post # 65
    9 posts
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Yes, children are invited to my wedding. I have booked my FBIL’s babysitters to look after the children during the reception and dinner. I was a bit worried about it all because a few of them are quite loud but the reception venue will also have a TV and colouring area specially set up for the children.

    I think you should be clear about not inviting any other children as much as possible. Put it on the website and contact people in person so you can explain why you have made the decision.

    Post # 66
    5521 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @polyblonde:  Loved your response! We sound very similar to you in our feelings and how we’re handling it. And like you, we haven’t had any issues at all.

    Post # 67
    503 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Yes. Though because our wedding is an evening wedding, most aren’t bringing theirs!

    Post # 68
    381 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I’m having kids simply because we’re having a casual affair and weddings are always family events in my family. As for the screaming newborns comments, I’ve been to lots of weddings and have yet to hear a baby crying uncontrollably while mom or dad just sits there. Usually as soon as they start fussing the parents will settle them. Plus most will sleep the whole time anyway. It’s the toddlers that cause disruption.  They can’t be settled as easily, plus they’re mobile and harder to keep track of.

    Post # 69
    489 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would have preferred no kids, but there was no way around inviting my fiance’s nieces and nephews.  We limited kids to immediate family only, so very few.  Unfortunately, FI’s mother “OKd” two other extended family members from out of town bringing their kids.  I was so mad!  I felt like it would be a big slap in the face to our friends with kids who weren’t invited to see other peoples’ kids there.  

    In general I do think if you have a bunch of kids in the wedding or invited, then it is hard to say no kids to your other guests because they’ll see them there.

    Post # 70
    2152 posts
    Buzzing bee

    It is so popular on this board (yet not supported by etiquette experts) that it is all or nothing with kids.  But it isn’t.

     Level of closeness is a reason to invite someone.  If a co-worker, or friend can’t understand why a close child is invited when their child I don’t know well isn’t, then there isn’t much I can do.  

    Why would I invite a kid I don’t know because a kid I see everyday is invited?  That doesn’t make sense.

    I couldn’t vote in the poll because none of them apply to what we did.  We invited 3 kids we were were close with, and one friend brought her 2 week old infant (but not her other 2 year old child).  But we didn’t invite any other children.

    Luckily all of my guests are polite, and understand basic principles of etiquette.

    Post # 71
    7813 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @MrsBeck:  +1, if I saw kids there and my own kids were excluded then I would be pissed.

    Chances are I wouldn’t go if I couldn’t bring my kids. I prefer family time on the weekend, not leaving them with baby-sitters all the time.

    Post # 72
    5521 posts
    Bee Keeper

    @andielovesj:  +1. We are close to the two children we have invited; we aren’t close to any other children.

    To me, saying it should be all or nothing is a bit like saying that because you’ve invited, say, your best friend’s parents who are close family friends, you should also invite all your other friend’s parents. I really don’t see it as any different.

    We don’t want strangers at our wedding, be they 3 years old, 33 years old, or 73 years old. Our ‘policy’ was to invite only those people who we are close to and see often, and who we want to share with us in our day.

    I’m also *gasp!* inviting co-workers without their partners, as a) that’s common in the UK (provided of course they know each other) b) they’re really excited to be invited and are coming as a group and c) I have never met their partners.

    For me personally, I don’t care what etiquette books or strangers on the internet say: my only concern is that I don’t offend or upset MY personal guests. So, if I thought that not inviting children would cause lots of upset and offense, I might consider it. Similarly, if I felt that not extending plus 1s to co-workers might cause offense I would reconsider. The fact is, it hasn’t, at all; the only people who seem to be upset by our choices are strangers on the internet, and frankly, that doesn’t bother me one iota.

    Post # 73
    2 posts
    • Wedding: October 2013

    We have no children in either of our families and have gone for no children.

    We want all of our guests to let their hair down and enjoy themselves. We didn’t specify this by invitation we spoke to our guests and told them the route we were taking. Not one person was offended and have all said that they are looking forward to a night off.


    Post # 74
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Nieces, nephews, immediate cousins and newborns. Those were the acceptIons. 

    Post # 75
    2152 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @barbie86:  The best part is that etiquette agrees with us! 

    Post # 76
    7414 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @TrinityLeeAnn:  We’re having kids at the wedding (there are 13 on our guest list of 118) for a few reasons

    1. FH and I both have a sibling with small children

    2. I have a 6 year old half brother

    3. I have several close friends who have small children (under 2)

    4. Our wedding is semi-destination and many (almost all of) our guests will be travelling several hours to be here, I can’t imagine asking them to leave their children behind or leave them at a hotel for our wedding. 

    Children are costing us about half of what the adults are, so about $75 each by the time you factor in all the rentals per person.  They may be a little disruptive, but I don’t really care, I love these kids and I love their parents.

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