Post # 1
Random question: Are any of you couples that are from literally opposite sides of the US? How do you guys handle holidays?
I’m a California girl, but DH is from MA and we currently live in MA (which is where DH’s family is from). At some point we hope to move back to CA because I’ve found it really difficult to be in MA for a lot of reasons and really feel like CA is “home” (I would feel that way even if my family lived elsewhere)… It’s been difficult for us, especially around the holidays) because my MIL expects us to spend basically EVERY holiday with them. We spent last Christmas with my family and my MIL made a huge issue of us spending Christmas with my family, even though we spent the previous 2 Christmases with them (I moved to MA for grad school and have averaged about 1 visit every year and a half). We were planning to trade off Christmases until we have our own family (too expensive to go to CA for Thanksgiving)… so I’m curious what you all do, especially if you’re practically a country away from one of your families.
Post # 3
I’m in a similar boat. I’m from CAand DH is from MD where we live. Splitting time is tough…ladt year we didn’t make it to CA at all for the holidays but did go out during the fall to visit. This year we did thanksgiving here and are going to CA for xmas. We are ecpecting now so I’m not quite sure how its going to play out in future years either. I guess the way I try to deal is to make dure I get out to CA at least once a year even if its not the holidays and even if its by myself without DH.
Eta: sorry for the typos…on my phone
Post # 4
I’m from Wisconsin and DH is from North Carolina and we live in North Carolina. It helps that my sister lives in DC so we can usually sucker my parents into coming to the east coast for some holidays. I haven’t been back to Wisconsin since Christmas 2010, and before that, since I moved away in 2007. It’s cold there, yo! But now that we have a baby on the way, I’m sure they’ll make me feel guilty about not making a trip out to the midwest to show the baby to my grandparents. Meh. My extended family is not incredibly tight knit so I will probably make a trip out there every 3 or 4 years.
Post # 5
I’m right there with you! I’m from NC and DH is from PA. We live in NC. It’s really not that far (especially by plane) but it is expensive to go. DH’s MIL always expects us to be there for holidays (especially Thanksgiving and Christmas). It’s difficult, because I understand her wanting to be with her Son, but I’m also bitter, because the Holiday’s that I do spend with her are never enough.
For example, both of our families celebrate Christmas Eve more than the actual Christmas day… So last year we spent Christmas Eve with them and Christmas morning, then we drove back down that afternoon (the 9 hours it takes) to see my family on Christmas day. She wasn’t happy with that. She’s never happy with the amount of time we spend. This year for Thanksgiving DH couldn’t get off of work enough time to drive up there and spend enough time everyone (plus I’m pregnant and really motion sickness right now). So we told her that we’d spend Thanksgiving with my family and spend the entire week of Christmas, Christmas Eve, and Christmas day with her (instead of the few days we would spend at Thanksgiving) and she was devastated. I can’t do anything to make both of my families happy. I’m always letting someone down.
Of course, it’s also impossible for her to come visit us. The road only works one way…
I guess I’m just frustrated with you. I have no parting words of wisdom, just that it sucks… and it’s really really hard.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church
@tentwelvethirteen: I’m from Missouri and DH is from California. We live in California now and I miss Missouri a lot. More than that, I miss my family. I had hoped to be able to see them this Christmas but that’s not going to happen:(
Post # 7
@tentwelvethirteen: I’m from CA and my husband is from NJ, but my mom and I aren’t particularly close, so it’s not an issue for us. We hate traveling though, so we always make it known that anyone is free to come visit us, but we visit them on our own terms.
Post # 8
I’m originally from New Jersey. My fiancee is from Iowa. I moved to Iowa for college and that’s when we met. We’ve obviously chose to live in Iowa and bought a house together 🙂 And luckily, most of my family lives in Iowa so together we haven’t had to visit NJ! I do miss my friends back home and my father and extended family are still there. The hardest part will be the wedding since a lot of my friends/family back home won’t be able to make it.
Post # 9
@tentwelvethirteen: Hes from ireland, im from new england. We live in canada.
We trade off every other christmas/new years and we didnt celebrate thanksgiving. We hope to move back to new england someday, but i dont know how often well be able to fly home to ireland once we have a family to pay for as well.
Post # 10
I’m from GA, and his family moved here when he was 10. His immediate family still lives here, but his extended family is strewn across the country.
Post # 11
@tentwelvethirteen: My husband is from CA and I grew up in MA. We live in WI and hope to move to CA eventually. My MA family is SO extreme about getting us to visit, even though we lived in MA togther for 3 years before moving to WI. We visit my DHs family once a year. So tough.
For a while a we traded off Christmases, but then my SIL in CA had a baby around Christmas, the year after we had been out there. So, of course, we had to meet the baby, but since then the rotation has been messed up. We have also tried splitting up for holidays, which was ok. But we have decided now that we’re no longer traveling for any winter holidays and we’ll welcome anyone to visit us.
Post # 12
I am from Virginia, my husband is from Chicago. We spend Christmas with my family but are here in Chicago the rest of the year. This is mainly because my husband hates the holidays and his parents are divorced and don’t do anything for Christmas, whereas I love Christmas and only get to see my family 3-4x a year.
Post # 13
Nope. My SO and I are from the same town. We ended up here because our parents moved here to go to the university.
Post # 14
I was born and raised on Southern California and DH in MA where his parents still live. We currently live in Southern California an hour from my childhood home where my parents still live. We (DH, me, my mom and dad) have come to hate it here and are moving to MA/NH thiscoming summer. DH and I want a house and kids and having that on one income where we live now just isn’t possible. I refuse to work just to put my kids in day care so we’re blowing this state. My dad wants to actually retire and enjoy his life with my mom so they’re leaving because of the high cost of living here. That, coupled with the recent death of my younger brother, had us all re-evaluating our life choices. On the plus side, my parents and DH’s parents actually like each other (it seems rare to me) and I loveDH’s parents like my own so we will enjoy all being close by. California just isn’t worth the cost to us any more.
For holidays, we spent the first two Christmases in MA with DH’s family and all Thanksgivings with mine. The past two years, we’ve stayed in CA for Christmas and visited DH’s family at other (cheaper) times of the year. I anticipate spending next year’s holiday season with both my parents and the in-laws at the same place. Like I said, we all get along so I can totally see my parents going to in-laws house for holidays or us hosting everyone at our house.
Post # 15
I’m from Massachusetts and my FI is from Mississippi, so to say we’re from different worlds would be a huge understatement!
We haven’t started this tradition yet, but we plan on spending Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his (it also helps that my family is Jewish and his is Christian…).
I do feel bad because my family also lives in MA, so we see them waaaaay more often than we see his parents (we see my family all the time…the last time we saw his parents was in January). But I don’t know what else we’re supposed to do?
Post # 16
I’m from NY, and my SO is originally from MD. His parents are currently living in SC, my family lives in NY, and we live in FL.
Holidays are always confusing and complex for us, ha.