(Closed) Are you CBC (Childfree by Choice) I need your opinions!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

do not have (or not have) children for each other. Have them because you want them more than anything else in the world.

Fiance and I both do not want children – we never have.

My ex-husband (after years of telling me he didn’t want children) threw that in my face during our divorce.  That I took away his chance to have children.  That stung.

Whatever you do, make sure you are both on the same page and you are absolutely sure.

Post # 4
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My husband and I both never wanted children. We talked about that very early on in our relationship and since both of us had dated people before who wanted kids, we were happy to have found each other.

Post # 6
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I knew a couple where the wife didn’t want kids and the husband did.  They never had kids and are happy in their marriage, but the husband does feel like he missed out on something.  I also know several of relationships where the woman accidentally (or maybe “accidentally”?) got pregnant when the man did not want kids, and rarely have I seen those relationships work out in the long run.  Most of those ended in divorce or a very, very changed relationship where it’s not near as happy.

I told my Fiance from the beginning that it was a dealbreaker for me – I absolutely do not want kids, and if there is any small part of him that does or thinks he might in the future, then we would need to end our relationship to find people more compatible to our desires.  Fortunately he feels the same as me, but I got that talk out of the way VERY early on in dating him.

Post # 7
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ezbreezy:  Sure – I’ve always been honest about it.

I don’t want the responsibility.  I like my disposable income, I like sleep.  I like my free time.  I love my life exactly how it is.

I have no desire to create another human being and send them out into this world.

Don’t get me wrong – I love kids.  I may be the Greatest Aunt on the planet (in fact, that’s what it said in the bday card I received from my niece and nephew lol)  

I’ve always felt that one should have children only if they felt it deep down in their soul. If they wanted it more than anything else.  It’s not something to “try” or to do because it’s expected of us.  

Post # 8
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

The trouble with the decision whether or not to have kids, is that there really is no compromise… you either have them, or you don’t, so it’s REALLY important to be on the same page with your spouse.

Darling Husband and I were both open to the idea of having kids in previous relationships, but as we got older, it became less and less of a priority.  Now we’re both in our late 30’s, and  feel like we just don’t want to give up on the freedom of being childless.  We’re also not interested in the financial burden of having kids, and possibly the cost of even conceiving at our age.  Then, when you factor in that we’d probably be in our 60’s before they left the house, well… just, no thanks.

Particularely now that his brother and sister in law just had a baby, we see that it’s definitely not a lifestyle we want.  Something as simple as seeing all the big plastic baby furniture in the house turn both of us off so much!  LOL.

Post # 10
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@ezbreezy:  My feelings for not wanting children are the same as yours.  I want to do whatever I want, whenever I want.

Darling Husband has a 13 year old and that has both been a blessing but also the nail in the coffin on my decision to never have a child of my own.  We only have him on the weekends and then a week at a time during the summer and that is enough to test my patience. 

And I agree with MichiganBride… don’t have (or not have) children for the other person, it truly is a decision that you both have to be 100% about.  I’m not really a believer in the “it all changes when it’s your own child” line of thinking.

Post # 11
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is a great thread that I think sums it up for a lot of people:

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/this-is-for-anyone-that-is-considering-becoming-childfree-by-choice

For me personally, I just don’t like kids, plain and simple.  I never grew up with that maternal instinct or feeling.  We have dogs and they are plenty of responsibility for us.  When they start pissing us off and getting in our way, we can leave them in the house for several hours while we go out and kayak, go to a restaurant, or go to a movie.  They don’t hold us back too much when we feel like taking off for a long weekend at a moment’s notice.  They also don’t cost near as much as a baby and the time requirements are a lot less.  I like taking time to do things that make me happy – everything from rock climbing to sewing, hiking to baking.  I don’t constantly have to watch them or worry about taking them to ballet or soccer or daycare.

Fiance says he’s always felt very uncomfortable around kids.  We both never know how to talk to them or how to entertain them.  I like visiting my niece for short periods of time, but even a whole day is too much for me.  I work in a career where I help people and I like taking care of people, but I don’t like the thought of raising and mothering someone.  I’ve also seen children as a factor in many people’s divorces, and Fiance and I love the nature of our relationship as it is.  Of course it’ll evolve over time, but children are not an 18 year committment and then it’s over.  They’re a lifetime committment with a no return policy.  We don’t like kids enough to take a chance on something that we can never go back on.

Post # 12
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

Luckily for me it was very easy. I never wanted kids and SO has two. We’ve talked about it and he said that if he didn’t have them (they weren’t planned), he would have liked to have children down the road.  He would like a boy but he knows that I don’t want children and he’s ok with it since he already has two. You and your husband really need to have a serious talk.  If he really doesn’t want kids, you can’t force him.  If  you do or trick him into it, he will just end up resenting you. Do you love your Husband? Have a wonderful fullfilling life? Have a fur baby to love and take care of? Yes, you may want children but it won’t “complete” you.   

Post # 15
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We both (currently) don’t want children. I honestly don’t think that relationships work all that well when the couple doesn’t completely agree.

I’m not sure what advice to give as I feel like these : “I feel like my life is kinda not complete without having a baby” ” He enjoys his life as it is, without the duty of taking care of a baby” are two very divergent sentiments.

It does sound though, at least from your perspective, that it is much more important for you to have them than it is for him to not have them. I think at this point then, that the decision is up to him. You’ve put your feelings on the topic out there; he now has to decide if its a sacrifice to his lifestyle that he can not only be alright with, but content with for the rest of his life.

 

Post # 16
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t want kids but FH really does. I’m in the opposite situation to you.

I don’t want kids more because of the undesirable genetic traits I’d pass on, also I don’t like children, also because of my medical phobia and rape history, pregnancy and birth would be very difficult for me. Also, I’d be a bad parent. Also, I have a predisposition to post-natal depression and post partum psychosis. Also, I have hypersensitive, uh, senses due to my Asperger’s so the crying and touching stuff and smelling gross things would be almost impossible to deal with (I can’t even do the dishes due to the smell, I always have my music on the lowest setting and it’s still too loud, and I can barely hold hands). I also have attachment issues and worry I wouldn’t attach to the child or would overattach. Also I think the world is more bad than good and don’t want to create another miserable soul. But those are just my reasons.

The topic ‘Are you CBC (Childfree by Choice) I need your opinions!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors