Are you changing your last name?

posted 2 years ago in Traditions
Post # 31
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - Woodbridge, Virginia

I keep swinging back and forth between yes and no for taking his last name because I’m not sure I feel SUPER strongly either way. I wouldn’t want to mostly out of laziness, but also I might because it’d be nice on some level to be the “Mrs.” to his “Mr.”

We both agree it’s a pretty old-fashioned practice for the woman to change her last name, so Fiance doesn’t care either way if I take his name or not. Neither of us are huge fans of our own last names, but Fiance definitely doesn’t want to change his last name to mine and I don’t blame him – despite my maiden name being only 3 letters long, it’s mispronounced about 90% of the time and it always annoyed me that it looks like an incomplete word. So taking his last name would be a nice change to not have to deal with that anymore…

Another option we’ve been tossing around is the idea of coming up with a totally new name for the both of us to change to but that process sounds pretty grueling and the possibilities feel a little too endless and like we’d never be able to settle on THE one name.

Post # 32
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I had my name for 27 years before I was married, so it felt too weird to think about changing it now. I love my husband and he’s got a great family but it’s not a tradition I can get behind. My husband was cool either way.

Post # 33
1756 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ll be keeping my maiden name, I’ve gotten two degrees in my name. My professional certification is in my name, my career and reputation are all built up in my name. My daughter also has my maiden name. I don’t care if I use it socially etc, if we’re invited to something as mr and mrs his last name. I will be going from ms. to mrs.

The only things that would be more convenient, would be to not have a last name I have to spell automatically and not having a last name that gets me profiled (middle eastern) automatically when I travel.

Post # 34
712 posts
Busy bee

I will be having my maiden name as my middle name and having the same last name as my Fiance. 

Post # 35
786 posts
Busy bee

Yes, changed maiden to middle. 

Post # 36
1184 posts
Bumble bee

I’m changing my last name, despite being quite attached to my own! Fiance and I think it’s more “cohesive” for us and our future children to have the same last name xo

Post # 37
1056 posts
Bumble bee

Absolutely not. I think it’s extremely sexist for a woman to get married and people expect she give up her identity. 

Post # 38
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I can’t wait to take his name! I think it is really special to have the same last name and when you have children you become a family all with the same name.

Post # 39
618 posts
Busy bee

I will be taking my Husbands last name, I like the tradition, what to have the same last name as my children and like having the same last name to feel like a unit. 

Post # 40
62 posts
Worker bee

We’re both changing ours, but he started the process first so it’s more simple/convenient  and less expensive. 

So after the wedding I’m “taking his new name”.

Post # 41
997 posts
Busy bee

My maiden name will most likely become my new middle name, so I can have the best of both worlds. 😉

Post # 42
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017 - Preservation Park, Oakland CA

No I did not change mine. Right after the wedding I thought maybe I should have, but am now glad I didn’t. It hasn’t been an issue at all so far but I have told him that if we ever do find its an issue I would be open to reconsider down the line. To me it would feel weird to change my name and identity. I even considered just going by his last name socially and tried it out for a bit but even scrapped that idea—none of it felt or sounded right.

Post # 44
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - New York, New York

Professionally, I’m encouraged to use my maiden name because I’m a graduate student aiming to be a professor. If you get divorced later on and have to change your last name back to your maiden name, it’s messy and confusing when you have research articles attached to your (ex-husband’s) last name.

In my personal life, I’m probably going to have people call me by Mr. Joseph’s last name and our kids would have Mr. Joseph’s last name, even though legally, my last name would still be my maiden name. Mr. Joseph doesn’t have a strong preference about it either way. 

Post # 45
437 posts
Helper bee

Nope. Keeping my name. I’m not using his name socially or for a middle name either. I hear a lot of men talking about how if their girlfriend wanted to keep her last name after marriage, that would be a “deal breaker” for them. I think that logic is ridiculous nonsense. To me, that’s like holding the relationship hostage until they get their way or something… not a good way to start a life together in my book … I’d just say go, don’t let the door hit you! Lol! If my now Fiance felt the need to impose that on me, it’d be a deal breaker for ME!

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