Are you changing your last name?

posted 2 years ago in Traditions
Post # 46
Member
1085 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m taking his name. I’m becoming part of his family so it makes sense to me that I’d have his name. I’m becoming his wife. I’m my case that is a new identity and my name will change also. 

Post # 47
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I never considered not changing my name, and even though I like my last name better than my FI’s, I will absolutely take his name. That’s the accepted practice where I’m from- no one in my family or circle of friends kept their maiden name. Besides, I don’t really subscribe the the notion that you’re “losing your identity”. To me, you’re identity is who you are, not what your last name is. 

Post # 48
Member
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I have been me for 36 years. I don’t want to give up my name. And feel annoyed when everybody just assumes that women do it. 

I have another problem though. Where I come from there are just given name(s) and last name(s). I have a very traditional first given name. Along the lines of Kathrine. A very strong a tradional name. I don’t go by it but it’s my name. But I am marrying an American and moving to the states. So I have the problem that NOBODY can spell or pronounce my name. When I Americanize it it becomes an ethnical Name and people completely misspell it again. When I say it nobody can spell it or repeat it correctly. My second given name is beeing pushed into the midddle name slot which is just simply wrong because my country explicitly says ‘no middle name’. When I put both my given names in one box they come up as one super long weird name. So I want to change it to the name I go by. Where I am from it’s 25€ and it’s done. 

Now for the last names. I want to add his name as a second last name. I can do so in my country and I doesn’t even cost me anything. After the whole name change process it would be an easy to spell given name plus last name last name (no hyphen). This way I can keep calling myself by MY name  

Again this might be a problem because Americans will push my first last name to the middle name slot which again doesn’t work that way in my country. Fiance wants to add my maiden name as well so we will have both two last names in the same order. But I am not quite sure how problematic that will be. I’ve read somewhere that Nebraska doesn’t quite grasp the consent of a man changing his name after marriage. 

Sometimes I think it’s not worth the hassle. I will just drop both my names, exchange them for my easy nickname and stay mrs Maiden name 

Post # 49
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

beecee :  Yes I am! My last name is so common that I cant wait to change it to something unique. In addition I love the tradition of it.  

Post # 50
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

impatient1 :  He is also becoming part of your family and getting a new identity as your husband, right? So why shouldn’t he take your name?

I’m not trying to say you’re wrong or anything!! I genuinely want to know what you think 🙂

Post # 51
Member
1085 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

nonablu :  

In my case:

He isn’t really getting a new identity. Yes, he will be a husband and eventually a father, and those entail new roles. But he is more adding those roles to what takes up the bulk of his time, which is his career. 

I am getting a different role. *Instead of* pursuing a career I will be a wife and a mother. So I am more being added onto him than he is being added onto me because anyone can pursue a career by themselves, but you can’t really be a Stay-At-Home Mom by yourself. (I will continue to work until we have kids, but this will still inform decisions I make with my work until then.) The difference between the single me and the married me is much greater on a day-to-day basis than the difference between the single him and the married him. My life is changing more, and it is changing to be part of this new family. 

So, I look at it as he built the foundation for this- if he didn’t have his career I wouldn’t be able to be a Stay-At-Home Mom (and so we wouldn’t be getting married, but that’s a side issue) so even though we are equal partners it is like I am more joining something that he built. 

Post # 52
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I took DH’s last name and moved my maiden name to middle. I wanted our family to have the same last name, and professionally I was in a position where I’d be making other big changes at that point, so it wasn’t too much extra effort to change it. 

Post # 53
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’m not. My main reason for not wanting to change my name, is that it makes me crazy that women are expected to. 

I love everything about my fiancé, including his name, but it’s HIS, not mine, and I don’t really see why it’s up to me to change a part of my identity in order to marry him. 

Post # 54
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I really always thought I would, but as a professional with a couple of degrees under my belt, I just felt too sad to change my name. Plus, being married doesnt mean you’ve changed as a person, so I don’t see the point in changing your identity!

Post # 55
Member
393 posts
Helper bee

Yes I definitely will and I can’t wait to do so!! 

I have always loved that tradition, I am a feminist but really  love the idea of taking his last name. I have a huge family bond and love my surname but not tempted to keep it one bit. My sister kept hers saying she doesn’t want to lose her identity but FOR ME I don’t see how I’d lose mine. 

I will however probably keep my surname at work…we work together in a healthcare setting but with criminals, we don’t divulge our relationship to the patients and want to keep it that way. 

Post # 56
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Yes! I cannot wait! I am half german/Irish and half latina. I am always getting screwed during job interviews because they assume I know Spanish because my last name is an EXTREMELY common Latino name. Tired of it!!!! Plus my Fiance says it’s a must lol

Post # 57
Member
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Absolutely not. Unofficially, I have added it on to mine but I will always be my maiden name first and foremost. It has been me for my whole life and I wasn’t changing that because I got married. I am too much of a feminist to completely take his name. 

Post # 58
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Yes, I’m changing my last name. I have no desire to be associated with my maiden name anymore, due to growing up in a pretty emotionally/mental abusive environment. My abusers wanted me to keep my maiden name, since I’m the last of us… I say the world has seen enough of us, lol. Name change it is! 

Post # 59
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Nope! It’s my name and always has been…why should I have to give it up? My fiancee isn’t thrilled about it but he also recognizes that he doesn’t have a choice. He thinks I’m going to be sad that I don’t have the same last name as our children but our plan if we have a boy is to give him my name as a middle name (it’s a boys name). I think modern families have so many different variations of names and family models that it doesn’t matter anyway!

Post # 60
Member
4100 posts
Honey bee

My first marriage I was 19 and I did change my name. I changed back to my maiden a year or so after our divorce was finalized. 

Second marriage, age 27, I did not change my name.

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