Are you changing your last name?

posted 2 years ago in Traditions
Post # 61
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Funny conversation…

Me to fiance: Hey, I really want to keep my last name. I’m going to hyphenate it. Cool?

Fiance: Cool. But if yo hyphenate yours I’m hyphentating mine. I want us to have the same last name.

So….we’re both taking eachothers last names 🙂 I love my last name and take a lot of pride in it because of my grandfather and other ancestors with that name. I’m also an artist and my last name is part of my estabished identity as an artist. I wasn’t expecting my fiance to also hyphenate his, but think its neat that he wants to!

Post # 62
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

Damn right I’m changing my name to his…I’ll be proud to!!

Post # 63
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2017

moz89 :  This is what I’m doing! I added HIS last name as my middle name, but keeping my maiden name.

Post # 64
Member
655 posts
Busy bee

Nope. 

Partially because I have an entire career built around my name. I would be using it almost everywhere for professional reasons anyway, no reason to change it for the few who wanna call me Mrs.

 

But, like, mostly…. because f*ck that. 

Post # 65
Member
2998 posts
Sugar bee

I took his last name. I have no fondness for my maiden name, so saw no point in keeping it. 

I like that us, and our kids will share a family name, and it was important to Darling Husband that we all have the same name.

Post # 66
Member
3468 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I added his name to mine, so it’s first, middle, maiden, his last name. No hyphen. I didn’t think I’d care, but the more I thought about it, the more I didn’t like the idea of dropping my name. I was fine adding his name onto the one I already had, but I wasn’t going to remove any of my names just because I was getting married. It was important for me to keep all the names I was given, and as long as I was able to do that, I was happy to attach his name to mine.

Post # 67
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’m changing my name. My maiden name is boring and I don’t have any attachment to it. But Fiance is also changing his name. He will take his mother’s maiden name for sentimentality and because the name is dying out. It’s a Polish name so is a lot more interesting than eithet of ours without being difficult to spell/pronounce. I love that we will both have a new name as we start a new family together.

Post # 68
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

beecee :  I’ll eventually change my last name, especially when we have children. But, I’m in no rush to do it now. And by change, I mean hyphenate. My maiden name is still who I am, and I’m not comfortable letting go of that.

Post # 69
Hostess
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

In exactly 11 days I can finally change my last name (there’s a 3 month waiting period where we live).

I flip-flopped back and forth but in the end I decided not to hypenate because 16 letters is just too much.

Post # 70
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Nope. Didn’t see a point in going through all that hassle to switch a few letters as our last names are very similar. If I could add his name as a middle name without dropping my middle name, I would have, but that isn’t possible here so I decided not to. 

Should we have any children in the future, they will have my surname. He already has kids so his name has been given to them, why can’t my name be carried on as well! 

Post # 71
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

MiniMeow :  I felt the same way.

I added my husband’s last name onto mine without a hyphen. Where I am, there isn’t an option of making my maiden name a second middle name, so I double barrelled it. My husband didn’t really care either way, it was entirely my choice. Interestingly, I am the only one on my side of the family who didn’t completely change their name. We have our first baby due in February and we are going to hyphenate his name, which will also be the first in our family. We’re both from different cultures, so it’s nice to have that reflected in our names. I think it’s also interesting that our child will have my last name (mine and his) instead of just his. 

Along the same vein of why is it the woman who is the one always expected to change her name, why is it the father’s last name that is the default for the children?

Post # 72
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - City, State

I changed my last name, but dropped my middle name for my maiden name. I’m attached to my maiden name, especially since I’m the only girl!

Post # 73
Member
213 posts
Helper bee

ktrv927 :  I’m curious that you (and lots of other people here, not picking on you particularly!) reject the assumption that you should change your name but accept the assumption that any children will have your husband’s name – after all the work you’ll put in singlehandedly for 9 months and the potentially lasting effects of pregnancy and birth on your body I would have thought you were more entitled to have the kids named after you! 

For the record we both kept our own names, we’re not having kids, and I’m a Dr not a Mrs. We still got Christmas cards (it’s our first married christmas) addressed to Mr and Mrs his-first-initial his-last-name. There is literally nothing of me in that…

He acted like a entitled arsehole when I first told him I wouldn’t change my name. He doesn’t remember it like this and pretends he never expected me to. His argument at the time was he wanted us to be a family. I offered him my name and he was horrified at the idea.

If it wasn’t assumed that I would I might have considered it. If society stops considering it an insult to men to suggest they change their name I might consider it. I did consider adding his last name as a middle name but he seemed indifferent to the idea so I probably won’t bother. 

Post # 74
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee

coolwater17 :  Lol this is why my daughter has my last name, not her bio fathers. I carried her, I birthed and I cared for and continue to care for her. I wanted her name connected to mine.

Post # 75
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee

Something I don’t understand about this discussion, is when woman say, “Yes I’m changing my name I’m excited to join his family.”

But isn’t he excited to join your family too?

Why is the expectation on the woman to change her name to join the husbands family?

Why don’t people expect men to change their name to join the woman’s family?

Why do people say I want our children to have the same name? Ok, so why can’t your husband and your children have your last name?

That’s why I think it’s inherent sexism and erasure of identity. Why do so many people expect women to do this? Why are so many women happy to do this? I don’t understand.

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