Are you changing your last name?

posted 2 years ago in Traditions
Post # 76
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

YES I’m Im definitely changing my lasting name! Always new I was going roch when I got married. I love being a Whitney and I’m the last in my family. But I’m excited to become a McGuire. I want to be Mrs. Sean McGuire since the moment I’ve fallen in love with him and I want to have the same last name as our son.

its up to you and how you feel about it. Good luck!

Post # 77
Member
4973 posts
Honey bee

I was going to add his to mine (I couldn’t bear to drop it completely and its a cool name) but he wants to take my name. 

Post # 78
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I absolutely will be changing my last name.  I have no problems with my maiden name but we have a son and we want to grow our family.  It is very important for us all to have the same last name and hyphenating is not an option because 1. I hate hyphenated names 2. it would make my last name too long 3. I just don’t see the need to hang on to my maiden name.  

Post # 79
Member
6448 posts
Bee Keeper

I loved changing my name, but I’m not like many in that respect.  I hated my maiden name for so many different reasons.

Post # 80
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

beecee :  I’ll never change my name for business and personal reasons, however at the same time I wouldn’t ever judge a woman who does, it’s a personal decision and you do what you think is best 🙂

Post # 81
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

Probably not for now – my passport isn’t expiring till 2019 so I don’t want to until I need to! :P. I’m also moving states for him so I don’t feel the need to completely change my life for marriage.

Post # 82
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

samael :  THISSSS +1. The idea of him taking my last name or having our kids have my last name was such a non-starter for my Fiance and both our families that it made me really upset. I think all options should be on the table as equally viable, unless there are special circumstances.

Post # 83
Member
1085 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

samael :  “

“Something I don’t understand about this discussion, is when woman say, “Yes I’m changing my name I’m excited to join his family.”

But isn’t he excited to join your family too?”

When I say I’m joining his family, I don’t mean I’m joining his parents’ family(ies). I mean I’m joining his family. There will be little left of my single self/life after we have children, and this little left for him to join. He’s joining me, yes, but more of what was previously him will be there so it’s makes sense to me to use that name. 

 

“Why is the expectation on the woman to change her name to join the husbands family?”

Because that’s how most European cultures did it. Other cultures, such as Spanish, pass down the mother’s name. But everyone should do what makes most sense to them and their situation. 

“Why don’t people expect men to change their name to join the woman’s family?”

Because people tend to blindly expect what they are used to. If you went to other cultures the expectations would be different. 

“Why do people say I want our children to have the same name? Ok, so why can’t your husband and your children have your last name?”

As a family I feel that we should have the same name. Same reasons as above for me taking his name. 

“That’s why I think it’s inherent sexism and erasure of identity. Why do so many people expect women to do this? Why are so many women happy to do this? I don’t understand.”

I’m happy to do this because I’d rather be a mother than an accountant. So I’ll erase away that identity as an accountant and take on one as a mother. I haven’t ever been a mother under this name. I’ve used it to have jobs and go to the DMV. I’m not really attached to those things. If someone gets a PhD or medical license they take on the identity of “Dr” and erase the identity of Mr or Ms. I’m considering this likewise a step up and getting a new name with it. 

I will say I don’t think people should expect women to do this, especially if they don’t know her circumstance. What if she will continue to be a doctor? Her identity in that case won’t really change- she’s just gaining a husband, so it would make sense to me if she kept her name. 

Post # 84
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - Pantagis Renaissance

Yes, mostly cause my father sucked ass and I’ll be rid of it, but also cause my FI’s last name is cooler lol

Post # 85
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Never considered changing my name. It’s been 34 years–no problems.

Post # 86
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Yes, but not to his last name. We are both changing last names

Post # 87
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

We keep struggling about this.  I even posted about it a while ago!  Right now we are at: keeping our separate names and hyphenating our kids names to combine both of ours.  Neither of us want to lose our identity and we both want to pass on our names to our kids.  

Rather selfish, what kid wants a hyphenated last name? 

Hence… still thinking! 🙂 

Post # 89
Member
211 posts
Helper bee

My last name is the name of my grandmother’s second husband, who is NOT my father’s father. He was an alcoholic and abusive man, who sexually abused a lot of female relatives. I love my Dad, but I have no interest in keeping his name.

I had always planned to pick a name and change it on my 30th birthday. It was my rite of passage, my fresh start as an adult. At this point I had built a single life I loved, and was pretty content with being single.

But when I was 28 I met my SO, and quickly knew we would be together for life. About six months ago, when discussing marriage, he said my name followed by his outloud, and it sounded like magic. My reaction was immediate, I loved it.

I will change my name because it binds us, it makes us a family. I can’t wait.

Post # 90
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee

impatient1 :  I appreciate your detailed response, and question what you said here:

“When I say I’m joining his family, I don’t mean I’m joining his parents’ family(ies). I mean I’m joining his family. There will be little left of my single self/life after we have children, and this little left for him to join. He’s joining me, yes, but more of what was previously him will be there so it’s makes sense to me to use that name.”

This is precisely my point.

So we’re not talking about joining each others familie, as in you joining his extended family, we’re talking about you joinining his family of one; him. 

To which I think he is also joining your family of one, you.

It should be equal.

Your reasoning afterwards makes no sense to me. (Not trying to be rude.) I just really, truly don’t get it.

What do you mean when you say “He’s joining me, yes, but more of what was previously him will be there so it’s makes sense to me to use that name.”?

More of what was previously him? How so?

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