Post # 46
Not changing – we are keeping our own names.
At first Fiance was really hurt that I was keeping my name. So, I asked if he would take mine he straight up said no. When prompted as to why he said “why would I, it’s my name and I don’t want to change it”. Something clicked that day and he is now fully on board with me keeping my name.
Initially I was going to change my name. A few months after we announced our engagement I started questioning why I wanted to change it. The only answer I could come up with was “tradition” and that didn’t sit well with me. We will be getting married in a few weeks and I haven’t told either of my parents yet. FIs mum took it well (she said she would probably keep her name if she was getting married in this day and age), though I could tell his father wasn’t too keen!
Ultimately it is a very personal decision and I really hope that ever couple and individual actually asks “why?”, rather than blindly following tradition like I almost did.
Post # 47
I’ll be taking his name. That’s all. Not so much because of tradition but because we both want the whole family (him, me, and future kids) to have the same name, he is more attached to his that I am to mine, they dont sound to good hyphenated. We dont want to make a new name and we both dont want him to take mine.. so I am taking his and we are both cool with it.
Post # 48
As an only child, my last name basically stops with me. I will be taking on my fiance’s name after we get married in September, but I also don’t have a middle name-so my maiden name will become my middle name. That way, I get to have both without hyphenating because I see no need for it.
Post # 49
My last name is a very common Latino last name while FI’s is more Hispanic (directly from Spain) last name. My parents are begging me to take his name lol.
Post # 50
I changed mine to his last name, and added my maiden name as a 2nd middle name. I want to have the same last name as future children.
My sister didn’t change her name. She said it didn’t even cross her mind to change it. They don’t think they want kids though. If we didn’t want kids, I wouldn’t have changed mine either.
Post # 51
One of the things I looked forward to most about getting married was getting rid of my maiden name. I would never have considered keeping it in any way. I had my deadbeat dad’s last name and always had a different last name than everyone I considered to be my family (my mom remarried and changed her name to my step dad’s). I hated being referred to by my last name and preferred to be referred to only by my first name. So changing it was never a question and I’m happy that I did it. We purposely got married before most of my publications and before I got my PhD so that most stuff would be in my married name and I wouldn’t feel trapped into always dragging my maiden name along. If we ever got divorced and I wanted to get rid of my husband’s name, I’d probably change to my mother’s maiden name or my step dad’s name, not my maiden name.
Post # 52
My DH didn’t want me to change mine either. I was wavering a bit because even though I’m not conservative or really traditional, my family is and our area is so I felt all sorts of pressure even though I didn’t really want to do it.
When I told him I was considering changing so people didn’t think we were weird, he looked at me like I’d just sprouted a second head. He reminded me that I was a successful professional 31 year old lady and that I hate doing paperwork.
The only person who has said anything about me keeping my name was my dad, who didn’t realize I wasn’t changing my name until our wedding day. He was all worried about what my inlaws would think. I told him I didn’t know – just like I hadn’t asked his permission, I hadn’t asked theirs. (They have never said anything about it)
We sometimes get mail addressed to “The DH-last-name family” but that’s ok. I’m glad I kept my name.
Post # 53
I really don’t understand why everyone is so against tradition these days. I think its beautiful. But to each his own I guess. I’m thrilled to take my fiance’s last name. It will give a sense of the two of us being a unit and be easier when we have kids. I am happily the woman in this relationship and don’t see myself as any less of a person than he is, but I appreciate the tradition of him being the head of the household.
Its so interesting to me that some people grow up like me being so eager to continue tradition and others do everything they can to fight against it. Its hard for me to understand why that happens.
Post # 54
I’ll try and shed some light. We will either be shortening and hyphenating, or creating a new last name. Both of us will change to whatever we pick, so that we are a unit. If we have kids (not sure yet) it will also be easier, just like you said.
My life and viewpoint differs from yours though in that he is not the head of the household. We are a partnership, and it is important for us to reflect that in the decisions we make as a couple, including our names.
Post # 55
Yep, I totally understand that you have different beliefs about the dynamic of your household, and I respect that, but I guess I was just pondering the idea of how some people can be so set on tradition and others can be so incredibly against it. I’m sure it all has to do with upbringing and past experiences, but I still wish I could get a glimpse into the minds of those who’s opinions contrast mine so intensly.
Also, to clarify, its not that I don’t see my relationship as a partnership. I definitely do. But its a partnership where we each have different roles. And those roles are traditional.
Post # 56
I considered every option and decided that if he wasn’t going to double barrel or hyphenate with me, then I wasn’t going to legally.
It didn’t make sense to me that I was the only one that had to change while he could just go about his business.
I was ok with both of us having [MyLastName – HisLastName] or [MyLastName HisLastName] but he didn’t want to change his name and after a bunch of discussions, he realized that he needed to either change his name for me to change mine, or to get over his hurt feelings since it hurt me just as much when he said “I don’t want your name. I like my name the way it is” during one discussion. *Eye roll*
We will be the MyLastName HisLastName Household.
Post # 57
I’m tossing around a few options, but can’t settle on one.
I could have two middle names or two un-hyphenated last names, like so: First name Middle name Maiden name Last name
Or I can drop my middle name, so: First name Maiden name Last name
Essentially I want to have his last name but not lose mine. I’d just keep my last name instead of switching to his, but it’s important to me that any future kids and I have the same last name.
Post # 58
Not that they are the same, but many women were also againt women being able to gain the right to vote too.
I guess for me- my parents divorced when I was a baby and my mom remarried and had another baby and then divorced that guy so growing up my mom and sibling and I all had different last names and it wasn’t a big deal or confusing, we weren’t any less of a family, etc.
It never occurred to me that I would change my name, my DH is totally on board and he in fact was the one to suggest giving our son a hyphenated last name.
It really just goes with the times, what is considered “traditional”. In the future names like “Jayden, Dream, Tinsley” etc will be considered traditional– just like the names “Courtney, Ashley, Whitney” are actually traditionally MALE names.