Are you changing your last name?

posted 3 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: Are you changing your name?
    Nope, keeping my family name : (44 votes)
    27 %
    Yes, I am taking his name : (98 votes)
    60 %
    We are hyphenating both of our names : (5 votes)
    3 %
    I am hyphenating and he is keeping his name : (8 votes)
    5 %
    He is taking my name : (3 votes)
    2 %
    We have made up our own name and are both changing it : (4 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    133 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I am taking his name. I am excited about it but as a previous bee mentioned it is definitely weird that I will not have the name I’ve had for almost 30 years! It’s also too bad that (because of my Ukrainian last name) I’m going from being the only person with my name, to a first name/last name combination that many other people have. But I’m a teacher and my new last name is way easier for kids to say and spell lol. 

    Post # 47
    Member
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I m taking his, we both wanted to have the same name and as my maiden name is double barrelled it just didn’t sound right with his. I want to have the same surname as any future children to. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Taking his last name and making my maiden name my middle name. 

    Post # 49
    Member
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2016

    I took his because I never liked my old last name anyway. I feel like if I didn’t like his last name and loved mine, I probably wouldn’t have changed it.. but now that we have a daughter and are planning for more kids it’s nice that we’ll all share the last name. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    I’m changing names. I don’t really know why, but I’ve always just really liked the idea of sharing a surname. Like a previous bee, I was also bullied for my surname when I was younger, and I want to drop that.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1815 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I’ve thought a lot about this. Not that I think it’s right that women have to lose their family name – but I am not a fan of hyphenating. It’s fine for the first generation – my son would be Baylen Labrosse-Jones, but what happens next generation, when my son marries Chelsea Barkley-Illing? What last name do their children get? You cannot go through life as James labrosse-jones-Barkley-Illing! 

    i hate the idea of combining last names. My friend (Chelsea’s mom) wanted to combine Barkley and Illing to Barling – but as a professional genealogist that drives me crazy! What about pride in your family history? What about future generations who want to research the family? 

    Which leaves us with keeping our maiden name or taking our husbands name. I chose to take my husbands name because it was important to me that we were a family – especially to my children – and we all had the same last name in common. 

    Had I been older when I got married I probably would have kept my maiden name, for professional reasons. As it is, when I publish books I use my hyphenated maiden-married name (I’ve published genealogy textbooks) – as I felt with genealogy I should highlight my ancestry  

    I think there are a lot of issues that go into the choice of the last name you choose. To me, my children having the same last name as me was important – so I changed to my husbands last name. It’s not the perfect choice – but it’s what was best for our family. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    331 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I have been extremely conflicted about it, but ultimately I decided to change my name. My last name is very common. If you Google my first and last name and even include where I work, I’m not even in the first page of search results. Before they started asking for birthdate on plane tickets, I was on a watch list that required a full security search whenever I flew. My husband’s name is more unusual, and ultimately that was a big factor in my decision. I’m using my maiden name as middle and would’ve hyphenated if my last name weren’t also a common first name. His family was also really clear that they were supportive no matter what (saying I’d be a Theirlastname whether I changed it or not, the same way I’d always be a Mymaidenname, asking my plans so they wouldn’t get anything personalized incorrectly). Ironically it was my own family that just assumed I’d change my name and couldn’t understand why I would even consider not changing.

    Post # 53
    Member
    658 posts
    Busy bee

    Not changing my name. Will never change my name. As he puts it, he wouldn’t change his name to mine, so why am I expected to change my name to his? 

    I really like both our names though. If someone mistakenly called Mrs M I wouldn’t be offended, it would feel nice! I will be proud to be married to him! But my name will always be my name.

    Plus I’ve built an entire career from the ground up based on this name. If I suddenly change it, work will stop coming in because people will be confused. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    163 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I’m changing my name but FI’s last name is also my grandma’s maiden name, so it’s still a family name 🙂 

    Post # 55
    Member
    395 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2018 - Emerald at Queensridge

    I am changing my name. I’m excited and slightly sad at the same time. I have always loved my last name. It is unique (in America anyway, not so much in Poland, Russia, or Israel!) and shows my Jewish heritage which is so dear to my heart. My new last name will be an Irish one, definitely not Jewish-sounding at all, but I am excited to feel even closer to my Fiance by sharing his name. I think getting married is just a whirlwind of emotions when it sometimes feels like you’re leaving your past life behind. But you’re not really leaving it behind, you’re just gaining an additional, second sense of self. 🙂

    Post # 56
    Member
    160 posts
    Blushing bee

    I don’t particularly like my family, and he doesn’t particularly like his. We talked about creating a new name and taking THAT together. I would never just switch my name to be someone else’s and not expect the same from them, it just doesn’t suit me as an individual. Some traditions make me wildly uncomfortable, and this is one of them.

    Post # 57
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee

    where I live, you are not legally allowed to take your spouse’s name! I would’nt anyways though. My name is part of my identity and it’s not like marriage is turning me into a different person

    growing up I always assumed without questioning that I would marry someone and have a new name just because that’s the way it seems to be for most women (I grew up elsewhere than where I live now). But now that I’ve thought about it, it just doesn’t make sense to me! Maybe I would feel differently if I wanted kids

    Post # 58
    Member
    236 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017 - Eldorado Canyon State Park

    I’ve always wanted to/assumed I would take my future husband’s name. I’ve got a complicated relationship with my family and feel much more like he’s my family than anyone else, so I want us to match. He’s also got a fairly “fun” last name (to the point where people don’t always think it’s real) and actually one of my friends once told me, “You have to marry him,” after I’d just met him and told her his name (way before we were even dating). It’d be nice to not have to spell my name for people anymore (and have them not listen as I do so so they ALWAYS transpose two of the letters!), too, for that matter.

    So, I mean, I’m going to change it. I’ve already looked into new email username options and figured out a new signature. I’m excited. But… there’s also some wistfulness I didn’t expect. Even with so many points in the “pros” column. For the first time, I get why some people don’t change their names — not because of a family legacy or a dislike of his last name, but pure and simple nostalgia.

    Post # 59
    Member
    165 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2017 - the garden house, seattle

    i’m not changing my name, which is actually my ex-husband’s. i kept it when we got divorced (for complicated reasons). i got married at 19 the first and have been using this name for more than 25 years, and i did some mental-health activism that i want to conitnue to be associated with under this name. my fiance totally understands and doesn’t think i should change it.

    Post # 60
    Member
    446 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2019

    It’s still a while for us before we get married, but I plan to take his last name legally but socially and professionally go by both my maiden and married names (with no hyphen). I want us to share a family name, but I have an “ethnic” first name and he has a very common Western last name, so they didn’t quite mesh without my maiden as a buffer. I also hated the idea of dropping my maiden name altogether, at it ties me to my culture and identity. I feel like this is a good compromise! We recently bought my engagement ring and I’m having my “new” initials engraved on the inside 🙂

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