(Closed) are you changing your name, hyphenating or keeping?

posted 8 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: what are you doing with your name afterwards?
    keeping my maiden name : (62 votes)
    21 %
    changing to his name : (214 votes)
    71 %
    we're hyphenating it : (20 votes)
    7 %
    nothing - he's taking my name! : (4 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 62
    11535 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I married late in life — in my mid 40s — and I had a 20+ year career in my maiden name.  However, I am traditional and wanted to take my DH’s last name.

    I did NOT want to hyphenate — too many logistical issues with that, and I absolutely wanted to retain continuity of my identity.  Because of this, I decided on going the formal, traditional route that U.S. women historically have gone in changing their names by dropping their given middle names and taking their maiden names as their new middle names.

    One of DH’s grandmothers had done this, at least one of my grandmothers had done it, and my own mother had changed her name in this manner.  When I was a child, it didn’t make sense to me why a woman would want a last name as a middle name, but, now that I am an adult it makes SOOOO much sense to me.

    By going from the format of “Jane Emily Smith” to “Jane Smith Doe,” I was able to maintain continuity of my identity while still taking my DH’s last name, without hyphenating. 

    I honestly cound not be any happier with my choice. I use all three of my names (first, maidenasnewmiddle, hislast) on all legal documents, checks, credit cards, and professionally. However, I also very accurately am able to be just “Jane Doe” socially. 

    Very few of my own friends, most of whom married much earlier in life than I did, chose this type of name change (almost all of them just dropped their maiden names entirely), but I am so glad that I did! 🙂

    Post # 64
    107 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    View original reply
    @letigre:  Lol, I actually dated a guy with that last name!!  Honestly, had we gotten to the point of marriage, I would have kept my name (and would have hoped he would have been willing to either take my name or choose a totally different name for our hypothetical kids’ sake!).   Thankfully he wasn’t the right one for me and I didn’t have to make that choice.  ETA: Didn’t realize that’s actually (almost) your FI’s last name — hopefully I didn’t offend you with my comments!  Like you, though, I would have kept my name in that case.

    I’m taking my FI’s last name because 1) I like it, 2) I have two brothers who will carry on my maiden name, but FI’s only sister took her husband’s name, so his name would end with our generation unless we keep it, 3) he lost his father this past year, so the name now has even more meaning to us now, and 4) I love the idea of our kids having the same last name as both of their parents.



    Post # 65
    4945 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I’m taking his. There was really never a question about it. Since I was little, I’ve always known I was going to take my husband’s last name. I’m not too fond of my maiden name anyway. 

    Post # 66
    1668 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

    @smealeys:  I have yet to decide. I know I will not be hyphenating because that does not sound or look good … I loooove my last name but at the same time … Tradition

    Post # 67
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I will be taking his name.

    Post # 68
    637 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    weeeee!! Cant wait to change to his name!! Its shorter , easier to spell, and most of all, its his!!

    Post # 69
    45 posts
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @letigre well I do like the idea of making my maiden name my middle name but then we also like the idea of naming our next child my maiden name. 

    Post # 70
    183 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I kept mine. I’m a professional and so it was never a realistic option for me to change it. When I asked my husband about it (before we were married) he said that he never once expected me to take his last name, he considers it an outdated custom. He says that loves me for the fact that I’m a strong independent feminist and that he wouldn’t have respected me as much as he does if I had taken his last name.

    Edit: I hope that doesn’t sound like I’m preaching that you should keep your Maiden name, I’m just giving the reasons why I kept mine and my husband’s reaction to the issue (his words not mine!!). To each their own!

    Post # 71
    11515 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I’ll take his (it’s not that different really) BUT in my professional life, I will likely keep my maiden name.

    Post # 72
    3080 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I’m not sure yet. It means alot to him if I change it (even if he won’t outright admit it). So I might. 

    i told him I’d change my last name if we do not have a junior. because I’m not a fan of naming sons after their fathers. He agreed. So we might just do that lol

    Post # 73
    30 posts
    • Wedding: October 2009

    This was a no-brainer for me. I come from a very traditional family and that is just the way things are done in our family. I can understand women keeping their maden name or hyphenating if their maiden name is their professional brand (ie doctors, lawyers, etc). I personally think it is just practical for the family to have one name, especially since once you have kids most of their friends will likely refer to you as Mr. and Mrs. Childs-last-name.

    Post # 74
    1391 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Changing mine to his.

    Post # 75
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I am going to take my FI’s last name when we marry, and drop my maiden name entirely.  I like the idea of going from First Middle Maiden to First Maiden Married, but my middle name is actually my mother’s maiden name and it means too much for me to drop.  My parents did something really sweet when they got married – both my mom and my dad legally changed their middle names to my mother’s maiden name, and then they gave me the same middle name when I was born.  I don’t want to give up that connection to my parents.  I don’t want to haul around 4 names, either (First Middle Maiden Married).

    I’m Irish with a traditional McXxxxxx surname, and I’ve joked with Mr. Pham about us both changing our last names to McPham, but I know it’s not actually going to happen!  So, he and I and our child(ren) will be the Pham family, and I’m happy with that!

    Also, not gonna lie, I’m looking forward to confusing the heck out of people when they see a very white girl attached to a very Vietnamese last name 🙂

    Post # 76
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I am keeping mine!!  My last name will die with me and my sister (who has already made clear that when she gets married she will absolutely change it).  I’m so close with my dad, and his heritage is important to me, so I am definitely keeping it legally.  If people start calling me by his last name, I wont be upset or correct them though!

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